Who Is That Fat Chick?

Ahhh...the holidays are almost over, and while it's been fun, I have to admit that I am actually looking forward to literally tightening (I hope) the belt. There have been lunches with friends, dinners out, parties to try to pass on, and the office pot-lucks. All have been fun, but enough already.

After being away from my ick library job for about five days due to the holidays, I came back the other day and as I was waiting to clock in (tick, tick, tick...can't clock in early, gotta wait..tick, tick), I noticed a picture collage pasted next to the time clock. It was from a party the week before in tech services where I now sit due to the fact that there is simply an empty desk there and I'm the local part-time library gypsy. But,they were very sweet to me and invited me to their party and we all ate and did crazy things like have a tacky Christmas jewelry gift exchange and lots of pictures were taken, so someone ended up putting together the collage. Granted, no one was super-model material. Most were caught laughing or stuffing a corn chip in their mouths, but as I looked over the pictures (tick, tick, tick), I kept looking for me. I was there you know.

Finally after looking at each picture, I ran through them again until I found myself. "Oh, God! Is the me?" I thought. I had to lean over a little and take a closer look. "Oh, ugh! That is me!" Actually, I didn't have a goofy look on my face. I was just very red and very large. I had my red sweater set on and a plate of food in one hand and I was looking down, probably trying to hide from that damn camera!

I wanted to rip the picture off the wall, but of course, I couldn't do that. My new adopted cubicle-mates would not like that. And, I guess I must actually look like that.

I don't know how many wake-up calls it's going to take, but this was definitely one of them. So here's to leaving the big red fat chick back in 2006, and looking for a thinner, less red, version in 2007. I'm already working on my game plan. More to come next year.

Merry Christmas from Fatand40

Merry Christmas!

I jsut wanted to wish my small readership (all 6 of you) a very Merry Christmas!

Yes, I'm still fat. Yes, food seems to be everywhere right now, but even so I plan to have a wonderful holiday.

Food will not get me down, neither will the relatives who have already started the holiday nagging via email, nor the crazy traffic (have you noticed it too? people are driving like loons!).

It's nice to be home (I actually get Sunday off of at my crappy PT job for, like, the first time since last Easter!), and it's nice not have anything I have to do right-this-very-second-or-else for a change.

I'm just going to enjoy it for now, and I hope you do as well.

(Image from About.com Interior Decorating - not my house! Forgive me Martha Stewart.)

New Pencil Box

Yesterday I went by one of the colleges I'll be teaching at next semester to pick up my books. I was a little concerned about how I was going to feel about returning to the campus since I haven't been there in about a year or so. I gave up teaching for awhile in order to devote my time to my dissertation, and actually, this particular school hasn't been the nicest place sometimes. My last few trips there I rememeber have that "pit in your stomach" feeling. But this trip was a good one, and it reminded of one of the reasons I enjoy teaching: I like being a student, and one way of being a student is to teach.

School has normally been a good place for me. When I was young, I remember going to the local five and dime a week or so before school started and buying a new pencil box and all the goodies that went along with it: new pens, pencils, notebooks, reams of paper, and so on. Preparing for the big day was always exciting.

As I hauled an un-Godly number of books to my car, that's sort of how I felt, like I had my new pencil box in my hands. No icky feeling in my stomach was there. I even ran into a few faculty members, and they all called me "Dr." and as usual were super nice and friendly to me. The stress has at least gone away for awhile. The books are old friends of mine from many, many semesters of teaching the same classes. I can do this thing, even if I'm juggling a million other things.

Doing Lunch

Due the holidays and the fact that I am so incredibly popular, I am booked big time for various "let's do lunch" events. Of course, who doesn't like to go out to eat? But, considering the fact that I've just been eating whatever lately, not being a pig but not being careful either, this just throws more temptation in my way. And it is so hard to eat right when you dine out. Luckily, one of my dates is with C. who always puts me to shame with her celery stick - no dressing - eating habits.

Then there's also the work issue. I have loads of it, more than ever it seems. How to "do lunch" and "do work" at the same time is tricky. And, I'm starting to stress now about my work load after the first of the year. I seem to barely handling things now. What happens when I'm teaching three classes at the same time? Two are on line, so at least that cuts down on traveling, but will I ever get away from my keyboard?

With the first of the year looming, I start thinking about all those "get in shape" and "eat right" plans I usually have, and I can't help but feel discouragd that I just won't be able to do it while I continue to juggle everything else going on in my life. I know. I know. Why stress now when you can stress after the first of the year? But, I always start my stressing early. I'm funny that way.

Calling Fat Academics

I came across this call for papers and I couldn't resist posting it here. Forgive the goofing markings. It's been a long, crazy day and I'm tired:

"Historicizing Fat"=20A
Proposed Special Session for the 2007 Annual Convention of the Modern =Language Association=20
Papers are solicited which consider how fat been constructed in =different historical periods. Papers might consider times in which fat =was unmarked entirely, understood in other than pathologized terms, or =alternatively, they might give a history to the category of "obesity."

=I am interested in the way in which history, broadly understood, can be =used to imagine and thus create alternatives to what sometimes seems =like an all-too-oppressive present. As such, papers that reflect on the =role history can play in creating a fat accepting community are =especially welcome.

=20=20E-mail a one-page abstract with a short biography by 16 March 2007 to
=Elena Levy-Navarro at levye@uww.edu.
You will be notified of your =status by 1 April 2007. A
ll participants must be members of the MLA =before 7 April 2007. The MLA will be held in Chicago, IL from 27 Dec. - =30 Dec. 2007.

Elena Levy-Navarro, Ph.D.Associate ProfessorProgram in EnglishUniversity of Wisconsin at WhitewaterWhitewater, WI 53190(262)472-5047 (tel.)(262)472-1037 (fax)

Must Be Strong!

I'm working at the library part of the day, and I'm already bracing myself for the food that I know will be there - everywhere. Cookies, candy, snacks of all types will be downstairs, in the break room....So, I must be strong. I could tell myself that I'll just eat one thing, but a few problems with that: there will be many "one things" to chose from. Also, I'm not a one cookie kind of gal. I'm an eat-the-whole-box-and-feel-ill kind of gal. If I know that I won't be satisfied, it doesn't make sense for me to even try to limit myself.

I love the holidays, but I'll be so relieved when they and the food they bring are behind me!

6 More Months

The next 6 months are going to be, well, insane, though pretty much all good. I'm returning to the classroom and I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to helping students figure out where to put their commas and brainwashing them into discovering fab-o novels like Agnes Grey {heavy sigh}.

While I will still have my crappy library job (yes, teaching and writing and librarian-ing all at the same time! thus the insanity I speak of), I will only have it for 6 more months unless something totally unexpect happens, and hey, you never know. (Mental note: Call the retirement system guy again and ask him for the exact date, time, and second I can walk outa there!) There's always something weird going on there, so honestly, things could turn around tomorrow and I'd be a happy part-time librarian again. Until then, I have six more months to hide from the wicked witch of the X department, even if that means I'm unpacking boxes in acquisitions or filing invoices; so be it. Just because I'm a Dr. now, I'm not above a little druggery work. Actually, I like keeping busy. It makes the 8 hours go by so much faster. The old "look busy" thing I was never good at, you know.

Okay, enough flapping of the keyboard. The brownies are g-o-n-e. I managed to eat way more than I should, but I also told my husband, "If you love me, then you'll take at least half this box of brownies with you to work. For the love of God, man, don't leave me alone in the house with them!" So, onto more walking with Leslie Sansone.

Brownie OD

Oy! I learned today my limit on Fairytale Brownies! The best brownies in the Universe!

I found a box of these at my doorstep last night when I came home from UCF. Very sweet of the giver, but dang it! Chocolate is so my weakness (okay, one of many).

I ended up buying a few boxes to send to some book editors/publishers I'm trying to keep on my good side.

Maybe, just maybe I worked off one brownie at least during my 2mile walking DVD today.

Dr. is Fat & Happy

Not exactly Victoria Secret material, but here I am wearing my fancy academic costume for probably the last time. Notice the "hood," as it's called. Only doctoral students get one of those. Even those with an Ed.d. don't get the same type of hood. As we were heading over to the arena, getting crammed on a bus that drove us in circles before finally getting there, a woman asked me about it: "That's different. What does that mean?" she asked pointing to the hood (which is velvet and satin). "It's for Ph.D students." I told her, and of course, she was totally impressed.

It was a very long day, driving to Orlando, getting lost on the way to the arena (they said there'd be signs...of course, they meant "sign" as in one), running around trying to get a robe that had a hole for my arm to go through it. The whole wrinkle thing was a non-issue at that point, especially after one of the people at the bookstore table tried to talk me into a wearing a robe for a 5' 11" person: "There you go. It looks great." ..... "Um, it's dragging on the floor. I'm not wearing this." Hey, I'm a doctor now, you know. I don't take that kind of crap from people any more. Well, actually I do, but come on!

I know I looked totally fat and totally geeky, but this is just not a "get your sexy on" kind of outfit. One saving grace was the fact that eveyone else was wearing the same or similar attire, so actually, it was kind of cool, like I'm so a member of this club now, at least I was for a day.

For a little extra geeky and fat affect, here's me with "the" diploma (yeah, baby, we actually get them @ the ceremony, not a blank book).

Just a Little Something

...To destroy your self-esteem.

Yes, I admit to watching a little of the show.

It reminded me of the first time I visited a Victoria Secrets store. I was used to undies at Sears that come 3 in a pack. V.S.'s didn't have any numbers on them, just XS, S, M, L, XL. So I asked one of the sales clerks how they were sized.

"You're a large," she sneered at me.

"Ah. Thank you," I meekly mumbled as I melted into the floor.

Bad Shoe Day

Shoot. I was doing pretty well there, getting back to my daily DVD walking and/or walking the dogs, and I blew it by wearing some bad shoes. I hate when that happens and I hate that I have whimpy feet.

Now the bottoms of my feet feel like someone took a sledge hammer to them. I actually work with a woman who is on her feet all day, very physical job, and she wears heels! I go walking in a pair of old sneekers followed by a day of wearing 1 inche mules, and I'm dying! Are even my feet out of shape?

The worst part is that we had planned on walking the dogs tonight, and (a) I was really looking forward to it as the weather has turned a little nippy and (b) I know I'll get flack from my DH if I don't go. He won't buy the feet problem.

Hmm..should I just go and have one more night of pain? Or, should I cool it for a day or so?

Academic Road Kill

I got my cap and gown today via UPS. Crap! The gown is messed up. One of the sleeves is goofy. I called the book store and they said they'd have another for me there the day of the commencement, but dang it. That means it will probably be all wrinkly. This is starting to make be even more scared of the whole thing.

I can just picture it now: I trip and fall like a load of fatand40 bricks, ala Carrie Bradshaw. Some gay guy will scream: "She's academic road kill," as I slip my 1" heeled shoe back on my fat foot.

I also received an email today about the this whole hulla baloo they are to do with us Ph.Ders. There is this hood thing they stick on me, or my advisor actually has to do. So, that means I can't wear my hair down. Plus, I realized I need to wear a button down shirt because they have to hook it on a button. Very weird to have this done by your advisor in front of a zillion strangers. I mean. I have only even said this guy's first name out lowd, like, once. Now he's going to "dress" me in public. Cripes.

Luckily, I can still fit my fat a** into the gray skirt I plan to wear, but of course, the whole button down thing has thrown a wrench into my sweater set plans. I think I've one shirt I can wear that will work, a white button down with a Peter Pan collar, too young, but we'll see if I can swing by Sears this week (yes I know - Christmas crowds!).

Okay onto the diet issues. I have totally lost my Mojo, as I'm sure you noticed. I'm busy as hell with work. I'm blogging my brains out lately, but the money is good so....

On an up note, we walked our dogs last night, and it felt good to get out and get a little exercise. It was a cool night for Florida, in the high 60s, and we walked around the neighborhood checking out the holiday lights.

This energized me and this morning I managed to do one of my walking dvds, the 2mile. Not the 3, but hey, I managed to pry my fingers off the key board and sweat for a change.

Since losing my grip at Thanksgiving, I'm starting all over again. I even broke down and bought some pants, which C. would have a cow about, but luckily, she's not on the net and can't read this...he he. Otherwise, she'd give me that "Five more pounds and you can't wear these any more. Don't buy them."

Easy for Miss Size 6 to say. Plus it's getting cold now so my wardrobe is shrinking. At least something is!

Big Fat Liar

I'm such a big fat liar! Yesterday I finally managed to order my cap and gown, fingers crossed it will make it here before the big day. As I was ordering, the woman asked me how tall I was, my head size, and oh, yes, my weight!

My what? Why would she need to know that?

In case I needed a plus size, she wanted to make sure I was comfortable!

And, you know what? I so lied to her. I couldn't help myself. Granted I know I don't wear a plus size (at least not yet!) but I just couldn't admit the truth to this stranger over the phone. I imagined her checking some little box, "extra-large."

Maybe I won't be comfortable. Honestly, Thanksgiving really did me in worse than I thought. I took the pants test yesterday, trying on a pair that I had been able to wear okay before the holiday, and nope, no way are those two sides of the zipper ready to meet. I totally f-ed up all the work I'd done, and heck, it wasn't even that much work, a measly few pounds.

The flush thing didn't do diddly, and I know it was just one day, but you'd think I'd get some sort of pay back for the 12 hours I spent in the bathroom. But, there are no quick fixes, I know that, and I know what I have to do, but it just isn't any fun doing it.

Flush Update

Okay, no big surprise, I didn't sleep a much last night.

Ah, you laugh at me! Yes, I deserve it, and am I lighter?A little thinner? nah! But I learned a few things and remembered a few too.

Plus, I'm back on track with basically watching what I'm eating, counting calories, and such. My next goal is to get back to regular walking again.

Flushing So Far

Today went okay, and yes, lots of flushing. I didn't eat all the food on her list, so I was a little on the hungry side. Probably if I'd eaten it all I wouldn't be, but some of the foods I wasn't thrilled about (plain yogart...ick) and others, like the artichoke, were just too involved to deal with. Of course, now that it's late and my tummy is rumbling, maybe they weren't all that involved.

I'm struggling with whether or not to do it again tomorrow. I'm not sure if I have enough of the food left over from today to do it all, may need to pick up a few things, but I'll see how I feel in the morning. I know I have enough for breakfast and a late morning snack.

The jury is still out if this was a good thing or not. I will say that some of what I did today I could continue to do. I made a wonderful lunch with salmon (yes, I actually cooked something) and put it on a large salad with a little olive oil and lots of lemon juice. That's a meal I plan to add to my current low-cal list. Also the warm lemon water is a good thing. I don't know why warm works better than cold, but I could tell a difference. I don't see me drinking as much water as I did today, but it might be a good thing to do, maybe drink a few glasses a day.

Hopefully, I'll wake up tomorrow a little lighter.

The Big Flush

Obviously, since I haven't been blogging here in forever, I've not been good about the diet. Before Thanksgiving, I wasn't all that bad, just maintaining, but then, as expected, I took a down-hill dive for the holiday. To top it off, we had company stay with us, and so what else is there to do when you entertain but feed them? Between last Weds. and Saturday, it has been a chow fest around here.

Time for something radical. And that something is The Cleanse and Flush plan from Get a Real Food Life by Janine Whiteson.

Whiteson's whole approach to dieting is not this flush plan. In fact, this is just a side bar she has in the book. The rest of the book (from what I can tell...just on ch. 2 so far) is about eating sensibly for life, and of course, that is what I hope to get to eventually. But, after all the eating I've been doing, the flush appealed to me. I feel like a beached wale! According to her book, this quickie diet is supposed to help "reduce that bloated, lethargic feeling." And that pretty much describes me right now.

She recommends you don't do it for more than 3 days in a row, but honestly, if I can just make it through one day, I'll be impressed. The plan calls for eating a lot of fruit (which is why I think I can do it since I love fruit), lean proteins (like fish), and lots and lots and lots of warm lemon water. Needless to say, I'll be sticking around the house today!

Supposedly, I could drop a pound or two, though it's all water weight, so I know it could come back, but at this point, I'll take what I can get. For the most part, I found her list of foods on the diet to be pretty basic and easy to do, especially for a non-cook like myself. The only big issue I have is with the artichoke she's got listed. I love these, don't get me wrong, but I wouldn't know how to cook one to save my life.

I'll let you know how it goes. Like I said, I'm trying for one day right now. If I make it through today okay, then I may try for day two, but that's a big maybe at this point.

More on the Plate Issue

I just received the book Mindless Eating by Dr. Brian Wansink. One of the experiments he discussed on the TV show where I saw the book mentioned was the idea that if you have a smaller plate you tend to eat less.

Lately I've been stressing about my doing too much - again. The whole "I've got too much on my plate issue" applies to me in more ways than one. So at one point, what last week was it?, I resolved that enough was enough. As things come off my plate, like school, I'm not going to add any more. Heck, I may actually take items off my plate, even if that means giving up a little income (and as a writer, I can tell you, it is little!).

I wasn't 100% sure about my plan, of course. Even a little money adds up when you do it regularly or add it to other little money jobs, but I was convinced that I just couldn't do it all and do it all that well either.

Then, of course, out of nowhere I get an email about another small writing job, a column once on month, easy topic for me too boot. Sure, I can do that. It's just once a month.

Then another email comes. This time it's about teaching a few English classes at a university no less and locally. The classes are small. The students will need lots of help, but it's grammar and basic writing skills. Hey, that's my thing. I'm great at breaking down grammar goop and helping students organize their thoughts.

In the back of my mind as I'm loading up my plate yet again, my brain is going "Stop! What the *ell are you doing? You can't do this." But I ignore this voice, this voice that wants to bring me down, to make me pick waxing the kitchen floor (which really needs it by the way) to teaching a class. My floor will go unwaxed for a few more months, maybe longer, but I'm just a full plate kind of gal I guess.

Less Insanity Today

I had a light lunch with C. yesterday and she finally stopped the "I want to get into a size 2" talk. I think between me trying to convince her that even at a size 2 she'll feel fat and that you can't live hungry...as in that's no way to live life...and her husband who told her he doesn't like skinny girls, she's finally coming back to reality. In fact, we ordered the 1/2 sandwich and soup option, and I thought she'd get something like vegie soup but she actually ordered chicken and dumplings. I almost fell over.

The girl taking our order has no idea how lucky she was that day. Normally, C. takes a half hour to order her salad "I'll have the chef salad with no ham or carrots or tomatoes or....yada yada.."

I could have eaten a huge bowl of that dumpling soup (we went to Crispers) but I was saving myself for dinner at Ian's Tropical Grill. The name of this place sounds like it's some sort of sports bar, but actually, it's very gourmet, sort of Key West gone to California dining ala France.

We had a few appetizers, baked oysters (yes..tee hee), tuna rolls, and a fab white chili shrimp soup. I could have eaten a gallon of the soup alone.

For an entree I had the macadamia encrusted snapper with a fruit salsa, yummie vegies on the side, and some ultra cool mash potatoes with carmelized onions in them.

The DH had flounder encrusted with some kind of Japanese bread crumbs and topped with banana and mango salsa.

Needless to say, we skipped desert. Oh, and we had an excellent cabernet with the whole dinner.

I ended up taking 1/2 my food home, so it was a nice light meal for me today. DH is making scallops and asparagus for dinner, and as my birthday cake (did I mention it's my birthday today?) I have 2 pieces of chocolate cheese cake for us I picked up at Publix earlier this week.

Well, I'm off to enjoy the rest of my day. I think I'll read one of the books in my growing stack of "I'm going to read this some day" and then take a cat nap, with a cat of course.

Stop the Insanity

Yesterday at work, I saw a fellow co-worker, who like myself struggles with her weight, smoking on her break. Yes, damn it, smoking! I really wanted to go over, grab that thing out of her hand, slap her, and then hug her. In the five years I've worked there, I've never seen her smoke before.

Sure, maybe she's a smoker and I just never knew it. Maybe she is stressed out about something that I don't know anything about, but more so, I think it comes down to her weight issues. It's her quick fix. It will keep her from eating during her break. It will make food taste like crap. It will speed up her metabolism. I know what's she's thinking because I've had those same thoughts myself.

Also on my mind around then was the last few conversations I'd had with C. She's still hungry and still frustrated, though she has lost a few more pounds. But, at what cost I tried to reason with her. You can't live like that. And, who would want to any way?

For my own part, life is still good. True, I'm not a size 8 but I'm down to a solid 12 now. I actually wore a pair of pants the other day that I hadn't worn in months, and they are very comfortable, not falling off my boney butt, but not so tight I can't sit comfortably either. And, I'm turning 43 tomorrow, so while I'm not eating like a crazy person (I actually went out yesterday for lunch and ordered a sandwich minus the bread), I'm not driving myself nuts by stepping on the scale or starving myself either. In fact, we're going out to eat for my birthday slash graduation celebration and I'm going to eat whatever I want. So there.

Fat and 40 Lady Still Hasn't Sung Yet

Oy! So here I finally graduate, and as I start to think I may actually have more free time, I gradually realized that's not the case. Or, at least, if I want to beef up my academic writing stuff it shouldn't be.

I'm already working on an abstract to submit to a journal for an article on women's weblogging, and it ocurred to me that...hmm...I'm writing another paper. On the one hand, this is cool. It's like I'm back in school again. On the other, I realize, crap! I usually spend all semester on my papers for school...that's...16 weeks...min.

I went to an academic publishing workshop yesterday (long drive but I was good and brought sandwhiches, not exactly diet food but not Burger King either), and they pretty much confirmed what I had been starting to realize. It ain't over yet.

For the past year, I've dedicated at least one day a week - Tuesdays - to writing my dissertation. Obviously, I worked on it other days here and there, but Tuesdays were my do or die write it days. Before that, Tuesdays were my homework days; again, yes, I worked other days, but Tuesdays, no matter what, I made myself work on school work.

I thought I'd get my Tuesdays back, silly me. But noooo...if I really want to take a stab at this academia thing, then that means no free Tuesdays. It also means my plate is way too full again. So, what to do?

I have to make some hard decisions. Right now, here's what's on the plate starting in 2007:

• Teaching two English classes on the web
• My jewelry blog at Creative Weblogging (10 posts a week)
• My wine blog at Creative Weblogging (10 posts a week)
• My jewelry and beading blog at b5media (6 posts a week)
• My About.com site (2 newsletters and lots and lots of other stuff)

All of these are paying gigs, and fat and greedy me really doesn't want to lose any of them. BUT, I think it comes down to realizing that while something may not pay me via paypal today, it could pay me in different ways in the future, and I don't necessarily mean with money.

Clearing the Clutter

Now that I reached a major milestone in my life and school will soon be a memory for me, I'm concentrating on clearing the clutter. That includes my house, which is a total wreck, and my life in general. You'll notice I changed the tag line for this blog. Heck, I may change it again as I change my life around, rearranging furniture, tossing out stacks of magazines, dusting away the cobb webs of my life in general.

I feel like this is a time for me to rethink many things in my life, that includes my career, or any possibility of future careers, my writing direction, and my designing. I guess because I'm a crafty sort of person that I think better when I'm doing something. I'm "hands-on" as they say. So the literal moving away of clutter from my home helps me think.

One issue I'm already starting to deal with is the idea of putting more on my plate. Here I finally have school off the plate, and I've caught myself thinking of more things to do - silly things, really:

• "Interesting, they have a Women's Studies certification at UCF, only 12 hours, that's just 4 classes!
• I know of a blog network that needs someone to write about literure...
• Oh, and I could write a weight loss blog for $$"

These thoughts run through my head, and I have to catch myself. Wait! Stop! Are you insane?

Even now, with school ending, I still feel like I'm doing too many things, and not necessarily doing them well or even enjoying some of them any more. So, just as I have to literally push away my plate on the table, I need to remember to push away the thoughts of doing, doing, doing more.

Cheese Strategy

I'm thinking of coming up with a new tag line for this blog. How about - a journal about cheese, losing weight, and getting fit after 40?

I knew I was going to face more cheese when I got home last night, so I came up with a strategy to help curb the affects of cheese on my ass. Basically, I didn't eat too much during the day, keeping it to a protein bar, low-cal English muffin, and salad with some tuna tossed in it. By the time I made it home, then, I probably hadn't had more than about 500 calories.

Of course, I know I shouldn't eat any cheese if I really want to lose weight, but I just don't see that happening. at least not right now. I guess I'm just not yet settled back into my diet mode.

Cheese Issues Again

Well, I confess - the cheese got me again. My DH, who does low carb so cheese is his friend, bought some fabulous soft havarti (is that how you spell it?) and dill cheese, and I couldn't resist.

Luckily, by the time the cheese incident happened, I had only racked up about 1300 calroies, including wine that I hadn't had yet, so hopefully, it won't literally come to bite me in the butt.

Today, I'm doing the salad and tuna thing. I've discovered that buy tossing in a small can of tuna into my salad it helps fill me up a little more. I'm also being good and staying away from Mr. Bread Man today. Instead, I opted for a low-cal wheat English muffin as my late morning I'm-hungry-for-no-real-reason snack.

Tedium

Today I'm home working because I work at the library all weekend (ugh). But here it is, almost noonish, and I haven't found myself hungry at all. In fact, I'm making myself eat a pear right now because it is on its last leg (if pears had legs) and I need to get back into my fruit habit.

So why is today diffrent than yesterday? Why was I so hungry yesterday morning about this time? Heck, I was hungry five minutes after I arrived at work.

Tedium - I think that's the answer. My job there is boring. I'm really just killing time until I figure out what else I'm going to do. That makes for a very (very) long day.

With boredom comes hunger. It's all up here (touching head).

The reason I wasn't hungry today was because I've been busy working since the moment I woke up. And I'm invested in my work. What I'm doing (blogging, emailing people, finished up my school red tape) matters to me.

Okay, enough philosophizing - here's a progress report:

Yesterday's calories came in at about 1500. Bascially, I ended up not eating late in the day too much and just had some soup (which is probably high in sodium..ya ya, I know). That helped with the calorie count being a little on the low side though.

Today, I'm hoping to keep it around 1500 again. This weekend is going to be tough due to the farmer's market and the bread man (who I have a secret crush on).

I need to focus, focus, focus. Ignore his fabulous rolls and buns. Focus, focus, focus!

More on Drawing the Line

I spoke with C. again the other day. She is still losing the weight but is still hungry - all the time. I tried to talk some sense into her. She's a 6, looks great, how can she live like this? But, she is still babbling about becoming a size 4.

She's not on line so I plan to print up this article from Style Bites about this very issue - it's worth a read for anyone thinking about where and when to draw the line.

Day 1 Under My Belt

I did okay yesterday. Kept it under 1700 calories - 1690 to be exact. Not thrilled. I know I could have eaten less, but it's so hard not to be in a celebritory mood right now.

Today I'm working away from home. As soon as I got to work I was hungry! Dang it.

I'm back to recording my food at fitday.com, so hopefully, that will keep me on track today. At least there isn't too much Halloween candy around here to tempt me.

Stick a Fork in Me!

That's right! I'm actually going to graduate. The stress is subsiding. I still have some forms to fill out and fees to pay before I'm officially out the door, but I passed my dissertation defense.

This means I get my life back!

November starts me back on track.

Of course, I'm already thinking of a few obstacles. First, there's my birthday in a few weeks, and we haven't actually gone out and celebrated my graduation yet either. So we plan to maket his a dual celebration in a week or so. (I'm working all weekend at my crap job, so can't do it this weekend, but hey, I'll just start making patrons call me Dr. Powley, ha!)

Next on the horizon is....da.da...da.da...Thanksgiving! [shriek!]

But, at least, in between these gorg feasts, I can be good and literally, hopefully, tighten the belt. I don't think I've gained too much back if any, but then again, I haven't even though of trying on the dreaded green pants either.

Babby steps.

The Halloween candy left with my husband for his office this morning, and today, I'm going to count my calories and try to keep it between 1500 and 1700. Over the last week or so, I've slacked on my exercise routine because I felt like I was getting sick, but I'm sure it was just the stress. Before I jump back into that, though, I'm going to save my energy for house cleaning. This place looks like the testing ground for N. Korea! Over the past month, I've just let everything go - my house, my body, my life in general.

But now, I'm going to take a deep breath, think about things, reflect, chill, clean, eat healthy, and enjoy my freedom, try to grasp what I've accomplished, and just feel good about me.

Drawing the Line?

October is almost ova, and that means, hopefully, I'll be back on my diet track in a big way. So far, I'm still about the same, so no complaints. I'm wearing the same clothes, and yet again, I tried shopping for pants recently only to realize I'm still in between sizes. 14s swim on me and 12 are just a little too tight. So, yes, a skirt it will be come defense time. That looks more professional any way, just not too comfy to drive hours and hours in with the whole high heels and panty hose scenario to boot, but NBG.

But, my post today is about something else.

When you do get on track, when you get into the diet groove, when do you know where to draw the line?

I spoke with C. the other day who is in the groove big time right now, losing a total of 5 lbs over the past few weeks. That point she feels great about, but on the flip side she is miserable. Why? Shouldn't she be thrilled? Jumping for joy?

She'd like to do all those things if she wasn't so damn hungry. Boy, do I know that feeling. The...what...three times now that I've seriously done the Weight Watchers thing that was exactly me at the time. For the first two to three weeks I was so, so, so hungry! Some how, though, I eventually got used to it. I could stand the hunger some how, and that's what I told her: "Stick it out one more week, and I bet you'll get used to it."

But, isn't that a sad thing to "get used to"?

Mindless Eating

I just ordered a book from Amazon.com called Mindless Eating. I watched the tail-end of 20/20 the other night, and they had a segment about the book and its author, a shrink who says there are lots of little ways to trick your mind into helping you eat less. He talked about tricks like using smaller plates and portion-sized packages.

Obviously, I don't have time to read it now with all my school work going on, but hopefully, by the time it gets here things will lighten up a little.

Now I'm Swimming

Not literally of course, no pool around here though I'm a damn good swimmer, kind of like a fish though. I'm always under the water, used to give me mother heart attacks all the time as a kid when we were in the pool. Hey, that's how we mermaids swim!

But, things are better. My work load isn't necessarily any lighter, but my confidence is building as I'm getting some good feedback here and there on my dissertation. Of course, I think it's the most wonderful piece of ground-breaking academic work known to mankind, but it is still nice to hear a kind word from those who have read it.

More when I can... still trying to be good while eating, but hey, I'm a mermaid, not a angel.

Treading Water

That's pretty much how I feel right now and probably will until the end of October. I'm just keeping my head right above water, trying not to drown. Every once in a while a wave comes and I swallow a bunch of salt water.

As far as the diet, I'm not being as religious as I have been, but I'm not driving through Wendy's every day either. Luckily, over the past few months I have developed an eating routine of sorts, and I'm just following that right now. Yes, I know a few extra pounds off by the time I defend would help me fit into some pants, but let's just say a skirt is looking pretty good right now!

Along with just trying to stick to my regular eating routine, I'm trying to work out every day with my walking DVDs, even if that just means the 30 minute 2 mile workout. With all the stress I'm under right now, I know this is extra important for my sanity if not for my ass.

So, that's the latest update. I have bucket-loads of school work to do now along with my regular freelance writing gigs, so you may not see much of me until after October is over. Funny thing is - October is usually one of my favorite months. It is great as far as the weather, and good things usually happen to me during this month. I have to believe, then, that I'll some how be rewarded for all this come October 31st!

Shopped Till I Dropped

I haven't written in a few days. One because I've been a busy bee, but two, because blogger has been a PIA.

Monday I went shopping with C. and the good news is that I am no longer a 14. The bad news is that 12s are a tiny tight still. I'm hoping I can lose a few more lbs., really 2 would probably do it, so I can buy some new pants for my defense.

I did buy my Chico's outfit, and I really like it, especially since I'm kind of between sizes now, but it just doesn't seem like a dissertation defense sort of outfit, so I'm going with the business casual, sort of preppy look, kakhis, button down shirt, jacket, small heeled shoes.

More later, maybe. This is going to be a killer month for me!

Where Have I Been?

It's been a few days since I've posted, and that usually means food trouble. Friday I drove to Orlando to see another student's defense. To top it off, I had a major allergy attack that day. Luckily, the meds had kicked in by the time I got there, so I didn't sneeze while he was presenting. That would have been sooooo embarassing!

While I had very good intensions that day as far as food, it pretty much was shot to hell.

I ate my usually protein bar for breakfast and brought an extra bar and banana for the road. However, since I was sneezing like a maniac all the way there, I didn't eat anything else while driving. I barely made it to the presentation after driving around for about 15 minutes to find a parking spot, which probably was not legal any way, but I couldn't tell and had paid $5 to not park, typical school crap, so my protein bar and banana accompanied me to the presentation.

It took about 1 1/2 hours, and then I had a meeting with my advisor afterwards, so finally I got out of there a little before one. Exhausted, still sniffling, and very, very hungry. In fact, my stomach was making all kinds of noise during my meeting. I kept thinking, "Did he hear that?"

I called a friend of mine who was also at the defense and then meeting with someone, but she wasn't answering her phone, so I decided to just head home. I inhaled my banana as soon as I got in my car, and thought I'd just eat the bar on the way home. I'd even thought to bring extra cold water for the trip back. But, even though my bar was in my bag in an A/C'd car and then A/C'd conference room, when I opened it, it was puddle of messy...ick! Ahhh, Welcome to Florida!

So, it was McD's for the drive home. On a good note, I don't feel so badly about all this weight I've gained while going to school these past 5 years. It is difficult enough to try to eat right on a daily basis when your day goes as planned and you're at home, but to try to think about all that and drive 250 miles to school was obviously more than I could handle, even now when I normally have a better handle on my eating.

It Was Okay

I met C. at the jazzercise class lastnight. I have to say, though, I wasn't bowled over by it. Now, it was an okay class, and I may go back, but there are a few things I need to think about first. For example, the instructor, I was not overly impressed with her body. As C. put it, "You look like you are in better shape than she is."

Hmmmm....was that a compliment? Granted, this woman was built like a box, very broad shouldered and all, but she kind of had a small gut on her too. Call me a snob, but the way the instructor looks can say a lot about the sort of workout you are getting.

The workout? Yup, I sweated like a pig. I was actually concerned I might be soar today, but I'm not. I wouldn't say it was less or more intense than my 3 mile walking DVD, but at least it was something different.

Another negative was the choice of music, which I know to a certain extent was up to jazzercise, but it was either country music (sorry, but ugh) or weirded-out-old-lady-style-crap. At one point, the instructor kept trying to get us to sing along. Hello, I've never heard the song before in my life! Backtracking here, I do like older country music, like Johnny Cash, but I don't listen at all to any of the new stuff. So, you could have put a gun to my head and I still wouldn't have been able to sing along.

Finally, the kicker was the cost. I used to jazzercise maybe 8 years ago, and one thing I liked about it, other than that it's sort of mix of aerobics and dance, was the price. You didn't have to join anything either. You bought a ticket that had x-number of classes on it, got it stamped, and when it was finished, you bought a new ticket. Walk-ins were $5 and tickets went for $3.50 per class.

Well, welcome to the 21st century! Walk-ins are now $10 and tickets average about $8 a class. That was a shocker!

When I was asking about the cost and after they picked me up off the floor, they also mentioned that some women came just once a week and the instructor worked something out with them, just charging them $25 a month. Still, that's high, but I could see going one time a week if for no other reason than to vary my exercise. So, I may ask about that first. My only other option is to pay $35 a month and go 2 times a week, and honestly, it sort of messed up my routine for the day a little. Once a week, I could deal with, but 2 times, will need some thought.

Jazzercising It Today

C. discovered there's a jazzercise class at the local community center, which is about 15 or so minutes from my house. The first class is free, so I'm going today to try it out.

I've jazzercised in the past and really liked it. In fact, the only reason I stopped various times was due to moving or switching jobs so it wasn't covenient to drive over to them any more. For the longest time, the closest one in our county has been about 30 minutes away from me, so that's why I haven't gone for awhile.

Of course, all classes tend to vary depending on the teacher. So, I'm reserving judgement until I actually see what it's like. If I like it, they have a Monday and Wednesday class I can take, cool, no?

I've been really good about doing my 3 mile DVD lately, but I have to admit to getting a little tired of hearing their same banter over and over again. This will be a nice break. Plus I also ordered another 3 mile walking DVD.

If nothing else, I've got my exercise covered at least. I'm still doing okay on the calorie thing, but I'll admit to going over a few hundred calories these past few days. Still, nothing over 1700, but that can only make things take even longer if I'm not careful.

Lost a Pound....of Hair!

I've been wanting to do something with my long straight hair for a while now. Usually, I just pull it back because it is so long that it's just all over the place, and unlike movie stars, I don't have someone walking around behind me with a brush in her hand. But, with long fine hair like mine, there aren't a lot of options, especially for me because I don't like to fuss with it a lot. I don't blow it dry, color it, spray it, moose it...hell, it's all I can do to run a comb through it a few times a day. So, I had this idea that one way to get a little style but not do something drastic was to beef up my very whispy practically not there bangs.

I have no hair dresser so to speak since I usually get my DH to use my sewing scissors to trim the ends for me, but I thought, "hey, how hard can bangs and a trim be?"

Well, I should have turned and run when I saw the woman at the beauty parlor. She had to be about 60, with a tobacco cough and smell, and she had wacked-out ringlets of obviously dyed hair piled on top of her head. But, did I run? Nope, like an idiot I let her touch me.

I showed her the drawing I'd done of what I wanted, and at first she said, "Oh, you don't want that."

"No, no, I do want that," I replied.

"Oh, okay, I know what to do," she said. And, yup, she pretty much did it. She layered my hair! And my bangs? Hardly look different than when I went in there.

I had a feeling she was giving me a hatchet job, but you can't really see what's going on back there, you know? Plus, I'm very near sited and I had to keep taking my glasses off so they didn't get stuck in the comb. In fact, at one point, she actually broke a comb in my hair! When I got up and looked on the floor, I saw my blonde locks in piles every where. B*tch!

Really, hair dresses are worse than medical doctors. They don't listen to you! I guess I'm back to being a 40+ hippy now because I will never walk into a salon again....as God is my witness!

Now I know hair will grow, but what really sucks about all of this is that I've been working my *ss off, exercising, watching what I eat, I'm even going shopping next week (and I hate shopping... I like stuff, just don't like going to get it), all of this so I look like a put together professional academic beautiful brainiac when I present my dissertation. Now I may have to walk in there with a bag on my head.

Retiring My Pants

Well, not great news from the scale, but not awful either. I'm pretty much the same. However, I'm still feeling okay about my approach. I plan to try on my khaki pants later today and see how they fit, after I exercise and clean up.

Speaking of exercising, I was so not into it last night after getting home from work, but I usually start with, "Oh, hell, I'll just do the 2 mile with no weights." Then I move up to convincing myself "2 miles and weights" and finally by the time I pop the DVD in I can usually talk myself into doing the 3 mile, which I managed to do last night. I even managed to do the weights with the 3 mile. I'm up this morning in my grups ready to tackle the 3 mile again.

Hopefully, my khaki's will tell me I'm on the right track, but for now, I actually retired 2 pairs of fat pants to the back of the closet yesterday. Eventually, I'll send them out the door because I know it's not a good thing to keep them around. It makes it too convenient to slip up.

Rear in Gear

Back from work now, and while I had every intention of eating enough healthy stuff so that I wouldn't be hungry and thus would be able to exercise when I got home, I just didn't feel like eating much today. I ate a protein bar on the car trip home, so that helped some. But, now I need to gear up and try to exercise, even if I do the 2 mile I need to do something. I really feel like taking a nap.

Something about Sundays, all hell tends to break loose at work. First, we had some weird guy hanging out at the back door where employees enter, so I had to write that up. Then later a patron's bike was stolen, so I had to call the police. And, about this same time, the elevator doors jammed opened, so I had to call the elevator company, who were closed of course, to come out and fix it. Luckily, we had a police officer come by earlier in the day just to check that we were all okay, and she promised to stop by on Sundays and check in on a regular basis.

Okay, enough....time to gear up and walk, walk, walk!

About Yesterday

Boy, I really tried to be good yesterday, but I have my doubts. First, there's that fish. How many calories was it really? It's hard to say. I counted it as about 400. Then I got home and the dh had made some sugar free jello, which I ate thinking at first, hey, it's sugar free. It can't be that much. But again, I'm not sure because he had thrown the package away.

These are the kind of little things that can really come back and bite you in the butt, literally. I also sort of lost track of my nightly munching. Now I didn't go ballistic, but I didn't stick strictly to my pre-planned menu for the day, so I feel like the whole day was a guess when it comes down to my calorie count.

On an up note, even though I really, really, really didn't feel like exercising at all yesterday, especially considering my long car trip that day, I managed to do my 3mile walking DVD, minus some of the weights. However, I still don't feel reassured this morning. I still feel "off" in a way.

All I can do is take control of today, though.

Khaki Capris

The scale was not kind to me this morning, but I'm not going to let it totally freak me out, at least not yet. While the scale says that I gained a lb. back, my clothes are saying something very different. I even have a few of my fat pants (which were tight by the way - pathetic - I know) that pretty much swim on me so are no longer wearable. Plus, I wore my green pants to work the other day, all day, and they are cotten, so by the time I got home, they were pretty baggy.

Therefore, now that I no longer have my green pants to help gauge my progress, I pulled another pair out of my closet, my khaki capris. They now fit over my hips and I can zip them, but just barely. So, while I plan to try the scale out again in a few days, I'm also going to try these on every few days as well. Maybe I did gain a lb, but then again, maybe it is just water weight, or the scale if f-ed up, or who knows, but after my last experience where one day I was one weight and the next I was 2 lbs lighter, I've learned that my scale, which BTW is digital and should be farily decent quality since I paid about $40 for it, but I've learned it is not the end all in gauging my progress.

Today is another challenge. I'm eating out at a cafeteria style place. I'm visiting my young nephews, oh and their mom and grandmother of course too, and this is a great place to bring kids, so they are regulars. I even ate there when I was kid, many, many, many years ago! My game plan is to get fish, even though it's fried (fitday puts it at 400 calories) and lots of green vegies like green beans and cabbage. While the fish is hirer than I'd like and I could just eat a bunch of vegies, I know the fish, since it's a protein, will stick with me, while a plate of beans and cabbage and broccoli will only make me hungry an hour later. So, the plan is to eat this hirer calorie meal and if I get hungry later (which of course I will....not trying to kid anyone here!) then I'll have a salad with rice vinegar dressing, which is like eating air basically.

Well, got to hit the road. Wish me luck!

Busy, Busy Days

Yesterday was so crazy, I didn't even get a chance to blog here. However, I did make time to fill out my fitday menu, but just barely. It was just one of those days when I literally had no lunch time, and eating, therefore, was tricky to say the least. But, days like yesterday make planning even more important than ever because I have to have some kind of control or I'd be totally f-ed for the day.

This whole thinking ahead when it comes to eating is still a major hurdle of mine. I am normally the type of person that I just don't think about that kind of thing until I'm hungry. Then, it's like, okay, look around, what is easy and quick. But easy and quick usually means fattening and not necessarily something that is going to keep me full.

Today is another difficult day because I may be going out to lunch, but again, it's all in the planning. My lunch buddies aren't exactly sure where we will go. If you don't know where you're going to eat, how do you plan anything? What to do?

I realized this morning as I was filling out the day's menu that I basically have to instigate. If no one wants to decide, then I decided to suggest a place. For example, there's a restaurant close by that I know I can get a pretty decent lettuce and shrimp salad, minus the bread they served with it last time. The shrimp part has some mayo in it, so not super thinning, but shrimp means protein, so it should stick with me most of the day.

Hopefully, my planning will pay off. I decided not to step on the scale today. Since I had such nice results last Saturday, I'm going to try it again tomorrow.

Fish and Other Successes

My fish turned out okay yesterday. I had a brainstorm and realized fried fish always tastes good. So, I cut up my catfish in small pieces, powdered it with soy flour, and fried it in a skillet with a mix of Pam and faux butter. Not the most attractive fish in the world, but tastie still.

It's funny how one day you can be all upset that things aren't going right, and a few days later everything seems to fall into place. I've now officially got 4lbs off, and I feel pretty good about this week. Hopefully, I'll see pound number 5 gone sometime soon.

I was also freaking out over graduating, and I still feel a little uneasy with all of that. However, out of the blue I was offered two web classes to teach at the school that hates me. Hell, I'm taking them. If nothing else, it will help me keep my pinky toe in academia, I'll make a little money from working at home (which is extra cool), and as an added bonus, I may get the opportunity to turn a few unsuspecting students onto some Victorian literature. Ha!

Today is grocery day, so first I have to write a thrilling article about hammers....yes, the life of freelance writer is really spellbinding....and then off to Publix where I hope no one in the deli offers me a piece of cheese.

Fishy Cooking

I just uploaded my food menu for the day in fitday.com. So far, like I've said, I've found this challenging, but it is kind of helpful. Even if I change things a little throughout the day by adding and subtracting various foods, on the whole, it gives me game plan to follow. So, I'm going to try to keep doing it.

One issue I've run into lately is that I've been trying to eat more fish. Honeslty, I'm probably one of the few people on the planet that can admit to actually liking the taste of fish, but since my cooking skills are rudimentary, I'm not always that successful, especially with something like fish. Sometimes it works and I cook a great piece and sometimes it turns out kind of icky. The main issue I have is trying to determine when the dang this is cooked all the way through! If it weren't for all the sodium issues, I'd just buy it precooked in the freezer section and nuke it.

Other than trying to figure out how to cook a piece of catfish, my food problems shouldn't be too difficult today because I'm home all day writing. I had lunch yesterday with a friend who made the comment that it must be hard working at home because she would be eating all the time (ouch). However, for me, it's pretty much the opposite. At home, I control what I eat and when I eat. When I go to my crap job, that's not the case. Birthday cakes pop up in the break room. Party sandwiches leftover from the day before are announced through the grapevine. Then there's the "let's go out to lunch" thing, which is totally understandable because you what to get the hell out of there, if even for an hour. All of these little thing add up to control problems, at least for me. Maybe some people would find their heads stuck in the frig all day if they were working from home, but I really hate it when people assume that's the case for me. I make a fairly decent income from my writing, and if you think about it for a few minutes, you'd realize no one could do this if they were sitting around watching TV all day and eating bon-bons.

Blessed Scale!

Yes, yes, I know I said I was going to try to not weigh myself today, but I did it, and I'm glad. I don't really understand how I could supposedly lose 2lbs so quicky, but the scale said exactly what it did on Saturday morning, so I'm going to believe it. Maybe I had water weight issues on Friday. Who knows?

Last night I noticed that my PJ bottoms felt a little lose, and these are the ones I usually don't like to wear because they are tighter than the rest. However, I was down to my last pair because my dryer is acting up. I pretty much have to run it for 3 or more cycles before I can dry a load, so I'm very far behind with the laundry this week. They were all I had to sleep in.

Since going into a tail-spin on Friday, I have been fabulously good about my food, sticking really close to my 1500 calorie goal. So while that one day was depressing, it was a good wake up call for me.

Now, to just keep it going. I plan to do the 3mile DVD this morning and I'm off to write up my food for the day.

1414

Getting ready to head for bed and my total calories are 1414! Not too bad, especially for a busy day. Plus, I managed to do the 2mile DVD when I got home from work. I'm sooo sooo tempted to weigh in tomorrow, but I'm really going to try to hold off.

I'm meeting a friend for lunch tomorrow. The good news is that I purposely picked an eatery that has a web site and the menu is posted on it. This way I can have my game plan ready before I get there. That makes such a huge difference for me when dining out. One tip I remember from WW is that the instructor once said when she eats out she always tries to order first. This way it is much easier for her to eat what she should versus cave in and order something she knows she shouldn't eat. Plus, this sort of sets things up for the others you are eating with, sets an example, that often they will follow.

Okay, going to check out the web site and then off to dream land.....

Just a Quickie

I'm getting ready to head off to work soon, so not a lot of time to chat. I did fill out most of today's food menu on fitday.com, but I really find it tough to do. Sundays especially are weird for me because I work 1/2 a day, smack dab in the middle of the day. That means, basically, no real lunch for me. Plus, I need to eat a little something before I leave work so that I am not hungry when I get home and can then exercise.

Also, it feels weird having to come up with food for the entire day. I mean, what if I feel like eating something else? Even something that is still low-cal?

Oh, and yesterday went pretty well. I ate 1700 calories, more than the 1500 I wanted, but heck, it was Saturday and that means wine night, so I ate an extra piece of cheese and another bag of crackers so I wouldn't drink on an empty stomache - never a good idea you know.

Fingers crossed, I'll manage to do at the very least the 2mile walk today, though I hope I can psyche myself up for the 3!

So Far, So Good

I managed to do the 3mile workout on my DVD again today. Boy, that is a rough one. I'm still not able to do all the stuff with the weights as yet. I sort of pick them up and put them down, but I don't stop marching, which is basically what she calls "walking." It is obviously a major step up from the 2mile she has on this same DVD because with that one I don't really feel that tired afterwards. I work up a sweet, but that's about it. With the 3mile, I'm ready to take a nap afterwards!

I'm also on track with the food so far. Today I tried something a little different. Instead of writing down food as I ate it, I wrote down everything I planned to eat for the day and just tried to stick with that. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I had to tweek things a little because, for example, I'd planned on eating 2 cups of broccoli, but it was kind of in bad shape (which is why it was on sale I'm sure), so - picky eater that I am - I didn't eat much of it. So, that kind of stuff sort of gummed up the works, but other than that it wasn't too bad. I may try this for awhile and see if it helps.

Focus, Focus, Focus!

Yesterday was such a sucky day for me. It began with the scale, and of course, I was very disappointed with myself. However, instead of giving up, I decided to stop and think about why I was sabotaging myself. I'm usually not an emotional eater, or so I'd like to think, so I don't often connect my mood with my eating, but I knew something wasn't right up here [touching head]. I also knew that for some reason I have been extra tired and hungry for about a week now. This is not to say that I'm not like this once in awhile, but this was different. This was day after day, which isn't usually "me."

The more I thought about it I realized that I was sort of in a funk ever since sending off my completed dissertation to my advisor for what should be his last review. At first, I felt a huge relief that this thing was off my back for a few weeks. I have worked on it for about a year now, dedicating at least a few days a week, every week, to writing it. It was a relief. But, then as the days passed by I sort of missed it. Now, it's not like I don't have other writing work to do, and I did start on other projects during this time, but I soon realized that.....shock and dismay....I'm almost done with this thing!

As most people who have gone to school in any form after high school knows, you get the "what are you going to do when you graduate" line from just about every Dick and Harry on the planet. Needless to say, working on yet another graduate degree, I get this A LOT! Right now, I can just brush them off with a "well, let me graduate first and then deal with it," and that actually satisfied myself to a certain extent too. But now, with the real possibility that I may really graduate in December, I realize that...crap!...I'm actually going to have to come up with something after this. And, damn! after all this time in school, it better be good! Plus, I'm going to be out of academia, possibly forever if I don't get a teaching job, right? Honeslty, I'm not 100% sure I really want to teach again, but even if I did, my prospects due to the fact I'm not in a position to just pick up and move are pretty dim, practically nill. When I first started this degree, this wasn't necessarily the case because I was teaching part-time at the local community college, but to cut to the chase here, we now have a mutal non-admiration society going on, so that school is not an option.

Okay, back to my food issues then.

I called C. last night and told her about all of this to a certain extent, and she told me that I could not control the future, that I need to focus on now and what my goals are now, and that happens to be losing some weight before my defense. I should look at this like another job, a writing project, and not let stuff that may or may not happen in the future stress me out now because there's really not a damn thing I can do about them (Okay, she didn't say damn, but you get the idea).

She's right. I am all over the road, and worrying about what I'll do come Jan. 2007 right now is a total waste of energy. Today, I started with writing out all the food I plan to eat today on my fitday.com account and coming here to post (which really helps me focus so I need to do more of...look out!). I also plan to do my walking DVD, which by the way, I did the 3 miles yesterday, amazing what a little depression will do for you! And, I plan to really try to eat a good amount of protein so I don't get hungry.

Oh, and one other weird thing, I stepped on the scale this morning (yes, I know!) and it said I weighed 2 lbs less than yesterday. That's right, yesterday! But, I totally don't believe it and so I tried on my green pants, and while they zip, I see no other difference in the fit. So honeslty, I'm not sure what to think about that scale or my whole weigh in once a week philosophy. I plan, however, to listen to the pants more so than the scale from now on.

Undoing My Good Work

I've held off posting until I got the news from the scale this morning: no change.

On the one hand, of course, I'm grateful that the few paltry pounds I've lost did not return, but on the other, it's very frustrating that my occasional slips make such a huge impact on my lack of weight loss.

I could understand this better if I was secretly scarfing down a pint of ice cream every night, or even every other night, but the handful of nuts, piece of lunch meat, or egg salad sandwich now and then is obviously enough to undo all my good work the previous days.

My dissertation defense grows nearer and that means my shopping date, scheduled for late Sept. does as well. At this rate, I'll be lucky if I lose 5 pounds let alone 10!

So, yes, I'm pretty disgusted with myself. In fact, it is very tempting to say f-it and throw in the towel, but the thing is that I know I can do this. I've done it before. My usual issue has to do with keeping the weight off once I lose it. It's a matter of dedication and consistency. So, no. I'm not going to say f-it. I'm going to say a big F, how's that? But I'm still determined.

When There's No Excuse

Yesterday, I so didn't feel like exercising. I'm not exactly sure what the deal was, maybe the fact that my allergies have been acting up, probably more so that I'm just lazy, but I really had almost no motivation last night. What is weird too is that the day before I actually went walking, outside no less, for 55 minutes for a total of 3 miles. I managed to catch a time that it didn't rain, but it was so humid outside that I was literally dripping from head to toe when I got back.

So, why the very next day was I so not in the mood to exercise? Well, obviously, if I had the answer to that question I would be rich because I think most people have this hot and cold issue when it comes to exercise.

I kept debating and debating with myself until finally a little after 7 pm I realized I really had no excuse. Tired is not an excuse. I popped in my walking DVD and did the 2 mile routine, and you know what? When I plugged the stats into fitday.com, I realized that (according to fiday) I burned as many calories marching for 30 minutes as I did walking for almost an hours the day before, 164 to be exact.

I spent a short time on my high school drill team and we marched like maniacs after school, so this does make sense to me, but it was still a pleasant surprise, and afterwards I felt so much better that I had gotten off my tush and done something, runny nose and all.

Weigh in Day Switch

My official weekly weigh in day has been Monday, but starting this week, I'm switching it to Friday. I got this idea from a fellow co-worker who does hers on Fridays because she explained that she often gets into trouble on the weekends, and this way she has the rest of the week to recoup. I think this is the case with most people.

For example, this weekend I had great plans. Heck, I was even working all weekend and would be away from home and temptation, or so I thought. But, of course, I'd forgotten that on Friday (when I wasn't there) a party was thrown for someone who was leaving. So when I got to work and put my oh-so-good-low-cal lunch in the frig, I opened it to find loads of yummy food. Now, actually, I was pretty good. I scumbed to some of those tiny triangle sandwiches, you know the kind that have tuna and egg salad in them, but that's about it. Still, it wasn't on the food plan for the day.

To top it off, yesterday at work we were one person short, so I ended up having to work in circulation and reference both and that meant going up and down the stairs all day. We do have an elevator, but I figured I could use the exercise. Plus our elevator smells like BO, so I do my best to avoid it. But, all this meant that I was exhausted when I got home and didn't do any exercise liked I'd hoped.

So, Fridays it is. I am resisting the urge to step on the scale today. My green pants still fit, so that is enough for me now. Hopefully, I can keep it together for the rest of the week and have a pleasant surprise on Friday.

Walking DVD Rocks

Maybe "rocks" is kind of stretching it, but so far I like the Walk Away the Pounds DVD I just got. I've done the 2 mile routine twice now, and it's definitely a good workout. I got my heart rate up and a pretty good sweat going. The 2 mile is 30 minutes long, and according to the U.S. National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute, exercising about 30 mintues a day is pretty much the minimum you need to do to stay healthy:

"To maintain health, all adults should be moderately active for at least 30 minutes per day on most days of the week," Karen A. Donato, program coordinator of the NHLBI's Obesity Education Initiative, said in a prepared statement.

"To help manage body weight and prevent unhealthy weight gain, at least 60 minutes per day is recommended. Children and adolescents also need to be active for at least 60 minutes per day," Donato said.

So, yes, obviously, I need to work up to doing the 3 mile routine on this DVD, which is 47 minutes long. I may try to go for it tomorrow. Today, I'm working about a half day, and if I can manage to get the 2 mile done when I get home, then I'll be okay with that.

I still miss walking outside, so I'll have to see how it goes with the weather and all. But, with the constant rain we have been getting and the fact that it is getting darker sooner now, this is a nice alternative.

Exercise Makes You Creative

Often during my daily walk, even if I'm now stuck walking inside these days due to all the rain, I find my mind wandering. Sometimes it is silly stuff like imagining I'm on the Ellen DeGeneres show promoting my new novel, which of course is wildly successful. But most often I've got something on my mind that needs figuring out. For example, maybe I'm thinking about the next section of my dissertation that I need to tackle. Or, I might have a jewelry design I'm working on. Repetitive excercise like walking or riding my bike always gets my creative juices flowing, and it looks like I'm not alone according to this article from the Kansas City Star:

Fitness buffs of all professions have long known that the best way to unlock creativity is to go for a bike ride, run or swim.

Now science is proving that eureka moments during exercise are more than anecdote.

Stephen Ramocki, a marketing professor at Rhode Island College, found that a single aerobic workout is enough to kick the brains of college students into higher gear — and that the benefit lasts at least a couple of hours. To function optimally, each person’s brain needs a physically fit body, Ramocki says.

Creativity tends to be the result of a two-stage process, says R. Keith Sawyer, a psychologist at Washington University in St. Louis.

The first stage is data gathering. That’s when you’re working hard to bone up on background material that you’ll need to solve your problem. But the moment of insight tends to come when, having worked hard, you take time off for a change of pace.

Perhaps that’s because during the preparation stage, the mind is so narrowly focused that it ignores random-seeming associations percolating in the subconscious. Yet creativity is, by definition, the process of making unexpected leaps.

When you’re deliberately working on a problem, such thoughts seem like distractions, so you tune them out. To free up the mind, Sawyer says, creative people tend to schedule “idle time” in which to do something completely different, such as listening to music or taking a bike ride.

There you go - yet another excuse to exercise regularly.

Back Into the Green Pants!

I've been pretty good all week, sticking to around 1500 calories, and yesterday my pants felt a little on the lose side. So, this morning, I took the "green pants" test and passed. I'm back in baby!

More good news is that my walking DVD showed up yesterday. I had to work most of the day at my crap job and it had been raining all day, plus my job is extra boring, so the day just dragggggeeeddd. I was really tired and arguing with myself on the way home about exercising. Could I go for a real walk? Would I get rained out? The skys were not looking good.

My new DVD was there to greet me when I got home, and I knew I had to at least try it out. There are 3 workouts on this DVD, a 1 mile, a 2 mile, and a 3 mile. I did the 1, which was only 18 minutes long, just to test the waters.

I was pleased to discover that she also uses hand weights, so I'll have to dig mine out. Today, though, I'm going to try the 2 mile. The 1 was okay and suprisingly I did get a little sweaty, but it was not really that challenging. I know I can easily do the 2 if not the 3. Another cool thing on this DVD is that she tells you how far you've walked throughout the exercise, so that's motivational.

Now, I just have to hang tough these next two days before my weigh in on Monday. Actually, I'm not anticipating too much trouble because I work all weekend. Yes, it's a holiday, but hey, that's one reason I call this a "crap-job." I just have to make sure I pack plenty of low-cal healthy food, and I should be okay.

Good-Bye Ernesto Hello Exercise!

Since waking up Monday to the news that Ernesto was coming, I've been running around cleaning the house, getting laundry done, washing every dish in the house, gasing up my car, getting a few groceries, and typing away like a mad-woman to get all my web writing done just in case the power were to go out.

Of course, thankfully, Ernesto has not been that bad. In fact, for whatever reason he decided to spare us here in Port St. Lucie, and we have been getting the occassional pocket of high wind and rain but nothing like we were expecting even as a tropical strom. And, knock on wood, we've had no power outages.

With all this running around the house, I have not had time to do my regular running, or actually, my walking and I really feel it. We are expecting more rain throughout the weekend, but this shows me that I really need a plan B. Where oh where is the Walk Away the Pounds DVD I ordered Amazon?

Yes, I do have other exercise videos, and obviously, it is time to break one of those out, but, still, even with DVDs and videos, one of the things I enjoy about my walk is getting out of the house. I tend to be a major home-body. In fact, I actually get a little OCD sometimes when I have to leave for my crap-job or even take a few hours away from home to run errands. What if the house burns down while I'm gone? What if someone tries to break in? What if? What if? Lots of stupid stuff like that.

Getting out of the house, even though it's down the block a little, helps me clear my head, not just my arteries. Walking is easy too. I manage to sweet (boy, howdy do I) and get my heart rate up, but I don't have too much trouble with injuries (which I used to have all the time when I ran many years ago). Plus, it's very low tech. You just need some decent tennis shoes, but other than that, throw on some grubby clothes, grab your cell phone/walkman, and you're set.

Tomorrow is another day. Hopefully, we will see enough sunshine so I can get a walk in. If not, then I have the following exercise videos to choose from: yoga, ballet, and aerobics. Which will it be? I'll keep you posted.

Fresca and Sodium

I recenlty posted about soda and sodium and how you have to watch the sodium content on diet drinks.

Well, I took another look at my liter of Fresca the other day and realized it does have sodium, though only 25mg a serving.

I was under the impression it didn't have any, so I thought I should correct myself here.

Of course, again, 25mg is pretty punnie compared with some diet drinks that have 65 to 70mg, but some people can be very sensitive to sodium.

If you notice things like your fingers or feet swelling after a salty meal or an extra few pounds gained in one day, then this could be caused by water weight which could be caused by the salt contained in what you ate.

Us fatand40 folks have enough to deal with when it comes to extra weight. We sure don't need to gain water weight!

(picture from zenandjuice.com)

Hurricane Weight Gain

We are waiting for Ernesto. Today I went by the grocery store to pick up a few things. We really didn't need much, and since we have a generator, we should be able to keep most of the food in the frig in case we lose power. But, since I usually go shopping mid-week, we were out of a few things, and after the storm, the stores tend to be bare, so I dragged myself in there.

I managed to lose pound number 2 per my weigh in today, but I really need to be on guard now with the hurricane coming. I saw lots of folks stocking up on things like potato chips, bread, crackers, carbs, carbs, carbs. Fat, fat, fat, and it reminded me of 2004 when we had 2 storms hit our area. It was very easy to just eat as a way to bring some comfort to yourself. And, mainly, I ate junk.

Plus, while MREs (meals ready to eat) are tastey and very handy when you have no power, they are loaded with calories, at least 2,000. Preparing for me now includes thinking about the food I'll eat when the lights go out and the wind and rain starts up.

Diet Drinks and Sodium

My sodium intake is something I honestly never considered before until recently. I've lost the same spare tire about 3 times, and now on attempt number 4, I've begun to realize that sodium can be a real problem when in comes to retaining water weight. So, I'm starting to pay attention. (Yes, I know I'm slow, but better late than never.)

Diet soda and other diet drinks are one of those things I thought were really harmless until I read the side of a can or liter bottle. According to the About.com Nutrition site, the average can of diet soda has about 60mg of sodium. I know, not much, but add them up with all the other foods and beverages you eat throughout the day, and considering that the average person shouldn't have more than about 2,400mg, it's something to think about.

I even read in an article recently that diet soda drinkers tend to have a hirer risk of weight gain, though the medical community has no clue as to why.

I've never been a big drinker of sodas generally because of the carbonation. It bothers my stomache if I drink too much of it. I really prefer drinks like diet lemonades or other diet drinks that aren't carbonated. However, even those I noticed have about the same amount of sodium as diet sodas. My own perference for an oragne and red diet drink put out by Tropicana, which are yummy, have 70mg per serving.

Here are a few alternatives though. First, for those who like the fizz, check out good old Fresca. It tastes great and has zero calories and zero sodium. Another drink option, other than water of course, is the various flavors of Crystal Light available. Again, zero sodium.

Still, I think nothing can replace water, so I try to limit myself to a few glasses of diet beverages a day, and instead, do my best to drink tons of water with a lemon wedge for a little added flavor.

Fat Chick Get Hits by Lightening

I got rained out again today for my walk. I knew I should have gone earlier today, but it was so dang hot out! It is much nicer to go in the evenings because it's cooler and then I can just come home, take a shower, and get in my jams and I'm ready to chill for the evening. When I walk early in the day, the heat just sucks out any energy I have, and then I have a heck of a time recouping when I get home and getting any work done.

If you know anything about Florida, then you know it's not a good idea to go walking when it's raining or even looking like it might rain. We are the lightening capital of the world, and for good reason! I have tried braving it a few times, only to see a bunch of lighting and chickening out and high-tailing it home. I kept picturing the headlines in my local paper "Fat Chick Gets Hit by Lightening." And, of course, readers would say, "What the heck was she thinking? Good way to get healthy! Not."

To help with this walking and rain problem, I finally broke down and ordered a walking DVD. I know. It sounds stupid, but a number of women at my crap-job have raved about Walk Away the Pounds and some of Leslie Sansone's other DVDs, so I figured for $15 (including shipping) what the heck.

One good thing about this DVD (I borrowed one from one the gals at my crap-job) is that it doesn't take much room to do it. You walk, but you also do kicks, move side to side a little, squats, march, that kind of thing, so you only need a few feet of room to do it. This is good because I may need to watch it on my computer screen rather TV due to the fact that we only have one (working) TV in the house, and that TV is also in the room where my dogs hang out, and oh, they just love helping me exercise. Just try to downward facing dog with two 95 lbs dogs in your face.

Poor Nicole Richie

On my most recent trip to the grocery store, I was cruising the magazine racks looking for something interesting to read while I waited in the deli because you never know how long you will be there. That place is usully jamming. And I saw the most horrific picture on the front of some stupid tabloid of poor Nicole Richie, skin and bones!

My heart just went out to her. Here I am struggling with getting weight off and thinking sometimes how nice it would be to just have enough control so that I wouldn't eat for a few weeks so I'd get down to the next size before my dissertation defense, and then I saw her picture and realized that my problems are just so small compared to some people's.

According to one article that popped up on my Google Alerts, her dad didn't even realize what was happening to her:

He says, "I didn't even notice it at first, because when you see somebody so much, you don't see what other people see. "I asked her if she eats properly. I always made sure she ate when she was at our home. I couldn't see any strange eating habits. She ate fine. So, I stopped worrying. "And no, I don't smuggle sandwiches into her Gucci bags."

Now, I am in no way falting him. He's her dad, but she is an adult and from the rest of this short article it sounds like she obviously no longer lives at home.

This whole food issue things goes both ways. It is all a matter of control, either lack of or too much control!

The Lure of the Scale

I have found myself doing something this week that I know is a big "no-no" - weighing myself every day. It is a horrible, horrible habit and very hard to stop doing. It's sort of compulsive. I can't help myself. They (whoever "they" are) say you should weigh yourself once a week at the most.

I know that from day to day everyone's weight fluctuates, and with a digital scale, you actually get down to point whatever - 1XX.5; 1XX.2; and so on - so it really does nothing but drive me insane.

I originally started doing this because I thought it would be a good way to get my mind set for the day, sort of like posting here. You start the day off right with "I weigh this much, and I'm going to be good today no matter what temptation comes my way." But, in reality, it's more like "Damn! I was so good yesterday and I'm .4 pounds more than I was yesterday? What the h*ll?"

So, that is it! I am not going near that thing until Monday, which is supposed to be my normal weigh in day. That's just 2 days. I can handle 2 days. Sure, yes, I can.

As far as the diet, things have been okay this week. Yesterday was tough because I had to help set for a program at work and that meant putting out chips and cookies for the guests, which I didn't eat any of, but later I had the terrible munchies. I did munch, but luckily, I still managed to stay under my 1500 calorie mark for the day. Though I'm beginning to wonder if that is still too high for the sort of weight loss I need right now, those 10 lbs I need off by October. But, I'll wait to decide on Monday.

Costly Cantaloupe

The cantaloupes at the grocery store have been beyond horrid lately, and I have really missed eating them. Not only do they taste great, especially mixed in with some 2% cottage cheese, they are super duper low in calories.

Today, I saw a pile of beauties while shopping. But, of course, they were twice as much as I was paying for them before. $3 each!

I hesitated for a few moments and then realize that it was worth the $3 because (a) I like them; (b) they are good for me; (c) I can get a few meals/snacks out of just one.

This reminded me of one lesson I learned while on Weight Watchers. I normally didn't like to go to the meetings because they were usually full of people talking about how they had cookies hidden in their closets or how they got up at midnight and ate a gallon of ice cream or other way out there stories. But now and then, espeically if I was falling off the wagon, I'm make myself stay for a meeting, and very often, I'd learn a tid bit or two that I did find helpful.

At one of these meetings the instructor talked about how she loved red peppers (which give me the burps, ick), but they are so expensive. However, they are very good for you and hardly have any calories, so she treats herself to them now because she feels she is worth it. Her point was that sometimes good food is not cheap, but we are all worth a few extra dollars when it comes to our health.

So, buy the cantaloupe, red pepper, aspargus, whatever it is because we are all worth it.

Fatand40 Going Mainstream?

I'm considering a change to Fatand40 and I thought I'd consult my huge fan base here ;)

I have the opportunity to maybe (as in also maybe not) moving Fatand40 to a blog network. Here are some of the pros and cons as I see them.

Pros:

• Possibly a little money. I have to put this up at the top of course, but we are talking "a little" as enough to keep me well stocked in Pria bars. It eventually could turn into more, but I have learned this isn't something to count on when it comes to writing on the web.
• More readers and more incentive. As part of a network, you immediately increase your readership because each blog on the network is linked to each other. More readers would, for me, equal more incentive (or pressure depending on how you look at it) to lose weight.
• Expanded weight loss and diet topic. Though I'll continue to journal my progress or at times lack of, I will also broaden my writing topics to cover more about wieght loss and diet. Being so into this now, I've been reading more and more about it, and really, it's always been a topic of interest to me, so I'd just share from what I've learned myself.

Cons:

• Some loss of control. Of course, as with anything that you don't completely own yourself, there is a price to pay and with a blog that means that I would have to answer to someone else for a change. That means posting regularly (though I'm pretty prolific right now) and thinking about stuff like search engine optimization.
• Being really out there. This is a public blog now, but with about the 6 people who actually read it, I feel pretty safe to talk about personal stuff. With more people reading, I wonder if I would start to censor myself more. Would I lose my "voice" so to speak?
• Not an expert. I'm very much not an expert on this whole diet and exercise thing. Heck, if I was, I wouldn't have started writing about it in the first place. I'd be skinny and in great shape and wonder why everyone else was so fat. Again, with a larger readership I worry that people might expect me to be an expert rather than understand that I'm just like the average 40 something who will always have a battle with the bulge.

I'd really love your feedback on this. While money is always a good thing (those Pria bars aren't cheap!), I wouldn't be doing this for just money. Should I just stay here and be safe and keep it fun, which it is? Should I venture out? Am I insane for even thinking about it?

No Fat Chicks

Driving home today from shopping for some new walking sneaks and some other exercise clothes, which I was in dire need of, I passed a rust-bucket of a truck that said "No Fat Chicks" on the back.

Now, we are talking about a major crap car that you couldn't pay this fat chick to stick her pinky toe in. And, as I listened to my Cyndi Lauper CD, I thought about want an idiot must be driving that icky truck.

Why so much pressure on women to be skinny and not men?

I pictured the driver with a wad of chewing tobacco in is upper lip and a gut hanging over his greasy jeans. He wishes he could get a fat chick, any chick for that matter.

Why doesn't he just put a "I'm a Loser" sign on the back of his truck instead?

When the Body Says Nope

One thing that really sucks about getting old is the fact that your body just doesn't do what you want it to, what you used to do a million times before. Sometimes it just says, "U-u, nada, nope."

Since my getting back to my walking routine and adding crochet to the mix, my body has been very uncooperative.

I started seriously walking in Janurary, and while I did notice my body was extra cranky, I basically ignored it until recently when I couldn't walk for awhile and then started back again. When I wasn't walking, the crankiness stopped. No stiff hips, no stiff or pain in the feet. Now, it's all back. What gives? Here I am exercising regularly and my body is not a happy camper.

To top it off, my hands are having major carpel tunnel (did I spell that right?) to the point of numbness. Not good. I know this is due to the crochet. I do tend to have hand issues with all the typing and jewelry making I do, but not to this extent. Plus, I have had the same kind of thing happen in the past when I was waitressing. My hands would go totally numb and I'd lose control and drop stuff. It was like my brain was saying, "Pick up the plate." And the message just didn't make it to my fingers.

I have no way to remedy this for now. Really, just venting. It sucks getting old, but I so don't plan to stop doing either. So, Body, get ova it!

One Pound at a Time

It is now official. Since getting sick and having to restart my diet all over again, I finally got my first real pound off. Admittedly, it would probably have been 2 if it weren't for my party hardy attitude on Saturday, but I'm still happy to see one pound gone.

I've got plans to eat some fish today, red snapper, and even bake a potatoe, and use faux butter on it, so that's a nice low-cal lunch that should stick with me most of the day. I have noticed that if I make an effort to eat more protein I don't get so hungry.

Fingers crossed, it won't rain tonight and I'll manage to get another good walk in.

Birthday Party Report

Yesterday I finally had some good news from my scale, so the pressure was on to be good. And, I think I was pretty good at the party, though not fabulous. I wasn't eating carrot sticks all day, but I didn't go crazy either. Plus, when I got home not only did I go for a walk, though I really wanted to take a nap after all that driving, but I managed to walk for almost an hour versus my usual 30 minute deal. It's my goal to get up to an hour of walking a day, so this alone was very encouraging. Hopefully, I can do it again tonight after I get home from work.

Some of my strategies for the party worked, but they need some tweeking before I go to another party. My egg breakfast actually stuck with me, so I wasn't hungry when I got there and I barely ate any of my grapes even while I was driving. When I arrived, they were getting ready to cut the cake because my sister had sort of 2 shifts of guests, kids in the morning and immediate family in the afternoon. So I just ate a very small piece of cake, basically a few bites, but that was pretty much it until the rest of the guests left.

She didn't have the vegies plate like she usually did, but I brought a salad and low-cal dressing. This was a good idea actually. However, she didn't set it out until after the food on the grill was ready to eat, so by then I was getting kind of hungry and I ate a few wings and some fried shrimp she had out for us to snack on. Looking back, I should have asked to have the salad put out and maybe next time I'll bring extra plates for it so it could work as an appetizer too. I could have filled up on salad while I was waiting instead of wings and shrimp. I made a really large salad, so there was a lot left after we all ate. Thus, plenty of salad was there to eat before and during the meal.

I'm back on it today, and while I don't dare step on the scale right now, I know what I did last week was working, so I'm just going to keep doing it. Hopefully, Monday when I weigh myself, things won't be too bad from my Saturday splurge.