Another Day

I had lunch yesterday with C., chowed at the Ruby Tuesday salad bar. She is totally freaking because since December she's gained 10 lbs. Of course, she has also traveled a lot, mainly due to her son's wedding, ending up making multiple trips to meet relatives and then finally spending a week in the Bahamas for the wedding. I, of course, felt badly for her, but I also tried to remind her of how far she's come. Yes, she may be up to a size 8 now, but that's a far cry from the size 28 she was wearing 6+ years ago.

As we munched on salad, I confessed to her that I was seriously considering returning to Weight Watchers. Yes, it would be a short term solution, but I was willing to live with that if it meant I could get my weight off in four or so months. Normally, she would have tried to talk me out of it and tell me that I could do it myself, but in her present situation, she sort of shrugged her shoulders. Still just talking with her helped, and I realized I need to give it one more effort before I start paying a company to stand on its scale every week. Maybe I will end up returning because accountability is a powerful tool when dieting, but it's not like I don't know how to do this. So, here's to a new day. I'm going to give myself about a month. If I don't manage to lose something by the end of April, then it's back to WW.

I Yam What I Yam

About a week or so after my interview, I started getting major cold feet about saying "yes," if I'm offered the job. Even with the low pay, which I could deal with, it is the driving. It would be intense. The longer I have to think about it, the more I have to wonder if it would really be worth it. So, I emailed an ex-instructor of mine and asked her flat out, "If I took this job, would it remove the stain of adjuncting from my CV? Or is that a lost cause?"

Her answers were pretty much what I expect: "No" and "No." Of course, she put it much more eloquently than that. She basically said that I am what I am. I have a wide range of experience, some academic and some not, and the right employer would acknowledge that and the wrong employer wouldn't.

Other than the fact that adjuncts are treated like second-class citizens, these questions also came from an experience I had once when a college administrator told me that my 10+ years of teach a min. of 2 college classes a semester didn't count as real teaching experience. Now, if I had a couple of full-time years as, say, a high school teacher, that would count. But what I was doing? Nope. I tried to reason with him that what he said just didn't make sense to me. How could all of those classes I've taught not count? How could someone who has never taught a college class at all be considered more experienced than I was?

"That's just the way it is," he told me.

So, I bought into his retarded reasoning. Now, after thinking about it and getting her encouraging email response, I realize I am lucky I never really worked for that administrator. It would not have been the right job for me because he immediately had the attitude that I didn't measure up because I came from Adjunct Land.

Before receiving her response, I had just about convinced myself that I was not going to take the job if offered. I love the school and the people that work there, and I'm sure the teaching experience wouldn't hurt my CV, but I think I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing and see what happens.

Blogging 101 Class

All of my comp. classes will end around early May, and I will be leaving the library in June, so I was under the impression for awhile that I might have a slow summer, and slow also means less money when you are a contract worker. Coincidentally, I was contacted a little while ago by someone from the local jr. college's lifelong learning institute, one of those places where mature adults take classes for fun. They aren't for college credit, but they are a notch above adult ed.

So, this idea popped into my head: why not teach a class on blogging? While I hesitate to call myself an expert, I have been doing it professionally for a couple of years now (and that's not counting my About.com site). I contacted the program director, and not only did she love the idea, it happens that she has had members request a class on this. Wham, bam, thank you Mame, I'm scheduled to teach two basic blogging classes this summer, one in May and one in June (no classes will be offered in July/Aug.)

One of the things I like about teaching is that it is an excuse to learn. As a teacher, you need to be prepared, and that means research. So, I've started doing a lot of reading about blogging (more than usual) and I also started a new blog over at Word Press just for the class called Blog Class Info. I'm going to use it to store my handouts and stuff for the class, and this way I have a place to store the materials. I was thinking of having my students set up a blog there, but now that I've done it (I'm still messing with it, so it's kind of under construction at this point), I think blogger is a little more user-friendly. I can't even begin to explain how much I hate WPs help documentation.

Soooo....while doing my research I've made a few changes to this blog as well. I figured out how to create categories, or as blogger calls them, labels. I also have my archives set up a little differently, and you'll see my new sexy avatar has been added.

Story Contest

One of my web writing buddies, Jo, is running a short story contest over at her blog, As the Romans Do. Entries should some how be connected to Italy:

I'm looking for short stories connected to Italy in some way. You're story could be based in Italy or have Italian people in it. Use you're imagination.

Find out the details over at As the Romans Do.

Eating Sour Grapes?

Now that my latest jewelry book is out, I have to wonder if I'm already starting to reap some karma from an as-yet unpublished book review I just sent off to a electronic-based journal. In fact, the review editor actually asked me if I was sure about my review and I ended up toning it down a little, but still, I did come out and say that I didn't like the book. His suggestion to me was that some day I may meet this author, maybe even in relation to a possible teaching job, and of course, this could make things difficult for me in the future.

I stuck to my guns though. While there is a slim chance of the above happening, as I told him, I would be more concerned about hurting the author's feelings than whether or not I got a ding for a job. Some of this is due to the fact that I'm not in a position to just up and move for any kind of job, now or in the near future. Even with the Dr. now, I pretty much have to stay in my own backyard. However, as a writer myself, who has had a few bad reviews on books, I have to admit...it does hurt...it does sting.

So, now to my real point. Okay, I send this review off, and wouldn't you know it, I see on Amazon.com that someone has reviewed my last jewelry book....and given it two freaking stars! Part of me wonders if this person (who doesn't post with a real name) was an artist whose work was not accepted for the book (which includes a total of 26 artists) and was thus "getting back" at me. Even then, the stain is there, and it stings, and I'm feeling like I must be getting some payback already before my review has even hit the screen.

Got Diss!

Finally, after months of waiting, I got the bound copy of my dissertation in the mail today. I sent this in for binding even before I graduated, around mid-November, and according to the paperwork I filled out it was going to take six to eight weeks. Yeah, uh, it's, like, mid-March folks!

I almost decided not to bind it because, arrogant fat chick that I am, I plan to have someone really publish this some day, a big highfalutin publishing house like MIT of course. But I had so many family members that wanted a copy, and now-a-days you send the final in as an electronic file. Most people want a hard copy to read, so I plunked down the cash to have 8 copies made for people like my parents and sisters. Hopefully, after reading it, they don't think I'm any more crazy than they already think I am. Even my husband says he will now read it since I gave him a copy too.

Funny how it looks so small now that is is bound. It is hard to believe it took me a year to write those 207 pages!

New Blog?

Since starting to read Will Richardson's book, it didn't take me long to realize I need to put together a blog for all the classes I'm teaching. It was sort of a 'duh' moment when he suggested that blogs are handy for creating class portals, places where you can store handouts, writing assignments, etc. for classes. Because I'm at two different schools and teach on the web and in the classroom, I realized this would be a great way to create my only little spot on the web for all my classes to access.

Since I'm a writer, I'm very into writing handouts. So even if all the assignments aren't the same for all the classes I teach, if nothing else I can have those available for all my students.

Now, what to name it? I need something snappy, yet not too long, and not to hard to remember either. Here are a few ideas I have so far (and I haven't gone as far to see if these are even available or not):

Write 4 Dr. P
Write Gooder
Dr. Powley Teaches
Dr. P Teaches
Write Here
Writing is...
Writing is Rewriting
Writing in Cement

hmmmm....I'm open to suggestions. Anyone who comes up with a cool blog name is gets extra credit!

New Blog Book for Teachers

I've been doing some research on blogs for a few reasons. First, there's this article I'm writing for a journal that I hope is accepted, but I'm also working on a Basic Blogging class I'll be teaching this summer at the local lifelong learning institute. (more on that later)

I pulled up the catalog at work the other day to see if we had any new books on blogging, and voila, I found Blogs, Wikis, Podcasts, and Other Powerful Web Tools for Classrooms. It is written by Will Richardson, who just happens to write a blog I discovered about a week ago on the same subject, Wedlogg-ed. I'm only a little way into the book, but it looks promising.

As it happens, this semseter I have one of my web classes doing a project where they are encouraged to use blogs or other electronic forms of communication. I'm hoping I get inspired and come up with some other interesting blog-related ideas for school.

Where B U?

My 6 loyal readers are probably wondering where is fatand40? What is she doing? Why isn't she here blogging?

This is my "fun" place to blog, which means it is not one of my blog-for-pay sites. (Unless you count the five cents I'll make this year off the google ad I finally added.) So, that means, it is way down on my priority list, but here's a catch up of my life in general....

• I've been blogging/writing for my paying blog/sites.
• I went to a job interview for a full-time teaching gig, at a university no less. I won't know one way or the other until the end of the month, so that gives me a few weeks of sleepless nights trying to figure out if I really want the job or not or will I even get it. (It means some killer driving and low pay, but could help wipe out the "adjunct" blight from my CV.)
• I've been grading papers for the three classes I'm teaching, one of which just ended, another to start up tonight. Oy!
• I'm talking with a local college about teaching a class on blogging...yes, cool, no? (It's not for credit but it would be for cash, and plus, I love turning people on to the blogosphere.)
• I'm working on a proposal for an MLA thingy. Yes, me on a plane and maybe at MLA. The country mouse comes to mind.
• I just finished a book review for an academic journal who turned around and asked me to rewrite it...one thing off and then back on my plate! (And I don't even like this darn book!)
• I'm working on an article about women webloggers which I hope will get accepted at a journal in a month or so.
• I sent in a brief proposal to my jewelry book editor who is too busy to look at it now, so I have wait. (ugh)
• My diet? Not so good, but not so bad. I still have a time with counting those calories, and I know I really need to.
• My exercise? I'm still at it, daily if not a few times a day. I see little to no change, but it wasn't like a was a total couch potato before. I keep reminding myself that it is good for me, even though I see no radical changes in my fat ass.

I could go on, but I think you get the drift.

Baghdad Burning

I've been working on an article about women's weblogging (obviously, this is not for Jewelry Crafts magazine ;), and during my research I discoverd a book called Baghdad Burning: Girl Blog from Iraq. I feel kind of out of it since there's actually a second book, Baghdad Burning II: More Girl Blog from Iraq (Women Writing the Middle East) out now. But, I still thought it worth blogging about because so far, everyone I've mentioned it to has not heard of either.

I'm going to admit that while I did not vote for Bush, I did originally buy into the whole WMD thing, and I was relieved after 9/11 to realize that we had a republican in the White House. Of course, had I owned a crystal ball at the time, I may not have felt the same way. It seemed so clear that all of those people "over there" where involved. And, like many Americans, I wanted someone to pay. Ironic that our soldiers along with the Iraq people, like the young woman who wrote this book, are the ones paying the price, yet they had nothing to do with it.

Any way, I don't plan to write about politics. I'm just not good at it, but I felt this book was worth talking about for other reasons besides the war. As a middle-class western woman, I found it interesting to read the other side of things from another woman "over there."

Shangri-La Diet Verdict

After about a solid week of attempting the Shangri-La Diet, I have to give it a thumbs down, at least for me. However, I did learn something pretty eye-opening, so I think it was a worthy experiment.

As I already mentioned, I found it very difficult to get four tablespoons of sugar water/oil in every day. It was something I constantly had to think about, and I realized if I'm going to put so much thought into something it should be the food I eat versus when I suck down a tablespoon of oil.

Another problem with this diet (for me) was the fact that if I left the house for any length of time, I had to remember to bring the oil/sugar, which in itself is not an easy thing to do. Even with a small bottle of oil, you have to be really careful no to make a mess with it.

So, does the diet work? Yes, actually, it did supress my appetite, which brings up the dumb lesson I learned: too often I eat when I'm not really hungry. There, I said it. Now, it's not like I didn't know this, but until I tried this diet and was ultra aware of when I was hungry and when I was not, I never realized how much I ate for no other reason than I like to eat.

As I result, I'm putting extra effort into not eating when I'm not hungry, especially at night, which is when I really have problems. So far, I've had a small amount of success with this. At least I feel I got something out of the Shangri-La diet. As C said, it is a gimmicky diet, and while I hate to admit she's right, it is back to the tried and true - keep exercising and count the calories. Ugh.

Happy Hearty Birthday

I just wanted to give out a "congrats" to Dr.Hsien-Hsien Lei over at A Hearty Life (which is posted on my blog roll BTW). Her blog about keeping your heart healthy is officially one year old!

As part of the celebration, she's donating to charity:

To celebrate A Hearty Life’s first anniversary, I will be donating US$1 per 1,000 page views for the month of March. In February, readers viewed over 50,000 pages. I hope to increase that even further this month and make a sizeable donation to the British Heart Foundation. I’ve selected the British Heart Foundation because I currently live in London, UK and want to donate to the community.

So I'm sending my thousands of readers your way, Lei!

Day 6...Sort Of

So, today is sort of, kind of, day 6 of the Shangri-La Diet. I say "sort of" because it's been very difficult to get all 4 servings of the oil or sugar water in every day.

For example, yesterday was a total diet bomb. Not that I ate a lot. Actually, the total opposite happened. I had to work at my crappy PT job and had planned to bring a little bag of sugar and a measuring spoon so I could do the sugar water thing. Before leaving, I managed one dose of oil, but then as I was driving in I realized I'd forgotten my sugar. So, no oil and no sugar for the 5-6 hours I was to be away. But, as it turned out, I wasn't that hungry and did really well all day. I had an okay breakfast and just had some low-fat yogurt and a few cheese sticks while at work, my lunch essentially.

Then it hit me - About 4pm (with an hour left of work to go), I got the most intense headache. Granted, I could blame it on the lack of food, but it wasn't like I felt hungry or I was shaking, which is usually what happens when I'm hungry - I get the shakes. Also, it hit right after a patron was giving me grief. Since I'd worked there all day the day before, this was patron pain-in-in-a** number 9,999.

"Is that book age appropriate for my child?!!" She screeched at me across the reference department.

And, GAZ-ING! - a pain just shot through my brain. That was it for me. I had one nerve left and that woman took it. I felt sorry for the next innocent patron that was going to ask me for the millionth time if the paper went face up or down in the photocopy machine.

Here's another issue with the sugar/oil. You have to have a one hour window before and after taking it in order to eat or drink anything that has flavor. That means if you are sipping an ice tea, for example, you can't take any of this stuff while you are sipping or it won't work. So, if you figure I need to take a total of 4 tbls a day, and the window is a total of 2 hours, 4x2 = 8 hours of no food or drink other than water.

It has made me wonder if that is really what this diet is all about.

Day 3 in Shangri-La

Today is day 3 for me on the Shangri-La diet. The past few days have been weird, gulping down olive oil and sipping my hot sugar water throughout the day. One thing that has been difficult is just remembering to do it b/c the books says to try to do one or the other an hour before and/or an hour after you eat. You should not take the oil or sugar while eating.

Also, I notice with the warm sugar water that it takes awhile to drink it down. He says, in fact, to try to make it last and digest it slowly. So, while I've been doing that, obviously, there's not be a lot of time to eat in between meals. Yesterday was not a typical day, so we'll see how it goes today b/c I'm home more.

Of course, my husband thinks I'm totally insane and that this is a bunch of BS, but after reading so many people on line (though many are men, granted) that this has worked for, I still feel like it's worth trying.

One thing I've noticed too before doing all of this is that I am basically a bottomless pit when it comes to food. Unless I eat a huge amount, say, for example, I go to a buffet, which I rarely do, then a simple meal does not fill me up. I just don't feel like I've had enough to eat. If I go out to lunch with coworkers, they are all holding their stomachs and complaining about being too full. I may eat the same thing and I could eat it all over again. So, that is my hope for this diet approach, I just want to eat and feel satisfied. Is that too much to ask?

Starting with Surgar Water

Okay, I've read some more of The Shangri-La Diet, and I think I'm going to give it a go. Today is grocery day, so I can get some ELOV today. After my Pria bar and tea breakfast, I downed 1/2 cup of warm water with a 1/2 Tbs of surgar. It wasn't as disgusting as I thought it would be.

According to the book, if I want to lose 20lbs, I need to take 1 Tbs of sugar and 1 Tbs of ELOV every day. For 20-40lbs (which is really what I need to lose), I need to double that. I'm going to first see if I can tolerate 1 Tbs of each a day and go from there. The book also says it takes a few days to kick in, so since this is Weds., I need to see if I can at least make it to the weekend, preferably through the weekend.

I'll keep you posted....

The Shangri-La Diet

My latest discovery is a book called The Shangri-La Dietby Dr. Seth Roberts. Basically, this book claims that you will be able to eat anything you want and lose weight. Of course, the reason for this is because you won't want to eat anything because your appetite will be diminished. How does he do this?

He suggests drinking small amounts of flavorless oil (such as extra light olive oil) and sugar water throughout the day. The result (he claims) will be that you will not get hungry. In fact, he goes so far as to say that you won't even be that interested in food at all.

Part of me thinks this is a great idea, and actually, I have often wanted to find something that would keep me from getting hungry, that magic pill if you will. One of the reasons I have trouble with a very low calorie diet is because I just don't feel like I get enough to eat. Therefore, Roberts' diet seems like a possible answer to this, and it's using regular things like oil and surgar, not some weird0 pill you get from the drug store.

On the flip side, I'm a foodie. I really like good food and good wine (as my spare tire can bare witness to). I'm not sure if I like the idea of not ever being interested in food again. I'm not even sure this could really be possible for me or if it a good thing. My tough-as-nails side says that I should be able to control my eating without the use of tricks like Roberts suggests.

But, I'm thinking about trying this. I asked a friend of mine who used to be a personal trainer (C.M. I'll refer to her from now on), and she confirmed that it will supress my appetite. So, I'm adding extra light olive oil to the grocery list.

Back to Counting

Okay, okay, I'm back to calorie counting starting today. Obviously, the work out like a maniac thing didn't work. Since getting sick, I'm still back to trying to get my stamina up enough for multiple workouts each day, and even a 30 minute one has not been all that easy. I'm doing it, but I can tell a difference from before getting sick and now.

Plus, stepping on the doctor's scale yesterday didn't help much. The news was not really anything worse than I already knew, but still - sobering.

Today is grocery day, so that means it is a good day to stock up on vegies and fruits that will hopefully keep me full and happy. The fruit this time of year is pretty sad, but I'm thinking, maybe, apples? It is fall, so apples should be fairly decent this time of year.

I'm going to start at 1800 calories and go down from there. I know that sounds high, but considering I eat at least 2000 to 2500 when I'm not dieting, then it's at least something, and it's not so daunting.

Other than my weight, which my doctor didn't even mention, I had a good bill of health. Of course, she is on me about getting a mammogram, which I didn't do last year. I know. I'm so bad, but you know how everyone tells you they aren't that big a deal, that they don't hurt? Well, that is the biggest line of BS I've every heard in my life. I would love to see a man get his you-know-what squished between two piece of glass like a waffle iron and then say, "Hey, that was no big deal." Oh, and I love how you get through it all, you're trying to think happy thoughts through the whole thing because soon it will be over, and then finally, you're done and the nurse says, "Don't get dressed yet in case we have to do it again." "Again!?!...F-----???!!" So, you sit there freaking out in your little paper shirt praying to every God known to mankind that the darn thing worked.

Ah, medical science! Gotta love how they think of ways to torture your who-haas, but can't come up with that magic pill to keep us all young and thin.

Been Traveling

Become an M&M

Back to Normal!

Finally, I think I'm over this stupid cold. Yesterday was the first day I really felt "normal." I did my Leslie Sansone Walk Away the Pounds - Walk and Kick DVD and felt really good.

This is actually kind of a weird DVD because the first 10 or so minutes seem way too easy and I start getting kind of cocky: "Hey, I could do this for at least an hour. I'm not even breaking a sweat!"

Then somewhere between 15 and 20 minutes into the thing, I'm feeling it big time. I still think I could handle more than the 30 minutes on this, but it's a good workout just the same.

Today, I also managed to get in 30 minutes of aerobics before heading off to the library, so now I need to concentrate on getting back to my 2xs a day routine. If it weren't for the fact that my DH had a beer ready and some burgers on the grill when I got home, I might have made it too. But, after having literally 70 patrons up stairs in the Reference Department five minutes after we opened today, well, let's just say I really needed the beer and burger!

I'd Rather Be the Pope

I'm back, and yes, as I suspected, I was getting sick, have been for a good week now. At this point, I'm at the cough here and there and constant throat clearing stage, but I'm feeling a lot better, almost normal again.

Needless to say, this put a huge dent in my exercise routine. However, tough as nails as I am, I'm proud to say that I still managed to get some exercise, even on days that I was feeling punky. I say "some" as in doing 20 minutes of cardio and 9 minutes of pilates abs, but more than that I just couldn't handle most days.

Today is my first day back to my multiple daily exercise routines. I did 30 minutes of cardio this a.m., and while I wasn't fabulous at it, I did manage the weights a little. I had to hold back a tad, but not that much. Tonight, I'm going for another 30 minutes of cardio and my pilates abs.

Now, for some really "this sucks" news, at least to me. Next week I have my yearly doctor's visit. Ugh! I really don't need to go in for a few more months, but getting into see her is like getting in to see the Pope ("Ya, Ya, You can be the President; I'd rather be the Pope"...Love me some Prince!), so I had to take what I could get because she's booked solid for the next three months. Yes, that means, ugh, I'm going next week! This also means I have to step on the dreaded s-c-a-l-e!

I knew I had to go see her in a few months, but my plan was that by then, even if I hadn't lost that much, I'd be solid as a rock from all my exercising. Now, I've got neither going on - bupkiss. (Is that how you spell bupkiss?) Normally, she's pretty low-key about my weight, but I would be really surprised if she doesn't say something since I'm sure I'm a good 10lbs heavier than I was last time she saw me, and back then I needed to lose 20lbs. I'm already envisioning her eyes bugging out when she sees that 3-digit number on my chart.

To top it off, this woman is a stick. She's a very nice stick, but just the same, he's about 6 feet tall and probably about 120lbs, maybe. So, it's hard for me to really talk with her about weight issues because, obviously, she doesn't have any. The few times I've attempted it, she's pretty much said to eat less and exercise more. Ah, yes, duh. I know she's right, but it's hard to hear that from someone who you could probably kill if not really injure by simpling sitting on her. I'm sure I could at least crack a rib or two.

Getting Sick?

It's amazing how you can feel fine one day and the next feel sick as a dog. That isn't the case, at least not yet, but I woke up around 3am with a killer soar throat. My husband has been sick for days now, first the throat, then the nose running and running and running. I've tried my best to keep away from him. I'm even sleeping in the guest room.

I'm still in the "Dang it! I'm not going to get sick!" stage, but seems like everyone around here has got this thing right now. I'm going to double up on vitamin C and keep at the exercising. What else can you do?

That will really be the worst part of it because I'm so in the workout groove right now.

My latest DVD purchase is Leslie Sansone Walk Away the Pounds - Walk and Kick. It's a 1/2 hour walking slash kickboxing version of her other workouts, and I'm giving it the thumbs up. Actually, I would like to find a longer version of this same workout. For anyone who has ever had a kickboxing class, this may not measure up to what you've done before, but it's got some of the same moves. (I took one years ago and loved it. Unfortunately, the teacher moved to another town to open up a studio, so the class at the local community center ended after that.)

For anyone who uses her other walking DVDs, this is a good change of pace. It still is very much like her other routines, but she adds more kicks (of course) and some arm work including punches. She doesn't use any weights for this one, but if you're really tough, you could probably hold some in your hands while you punch. Me? Not that tough (yet).

Almost on Week 3

This Wednesday will mark three full weeks of my exercise mania, and so far so good. In fact, physically and mentally, I'm feeling really good. I still have about 30 lbs to lose, but my stamina is getting better. I even managed to do my killer fat burner 3mile DVD on Saturday and survived. Sure, I felt like going to bed right after I finished and it was only 8pm, but I made it through the entire routine with the weights. Considering there is no way I could have done that three weeks ago, that is a huge step for me.

I passed on the Pilates machine, but I found a wonderful DVD at my library that I'm hoping will give me some of the same targeting workouts.

After I abuse my employee library privileges and keep this for longer than I'm supposed to, I'll probably end up buying it. The DVD includes 20+ mini routines, anywhere from as short as 8 minutes up to 30 minutes. For example, yesterday, I did a 30 minute walking DVD in the morning before going to work. Then I came home, did the 8 minutes abs/gluts on this DVD, and followed that with a 1 mile DVD. So, it offers some good "squeeze them in" workouts. Plus, I know I need to tone up as I try to lose this weight. My abs are a major problem area for me right now.

I'm off to a full day, gotta blog, then exercise (planning to do another Pilates abs/gluts and then my easier 3mile DVD), and then cracking the books for teaching class tonight. We are doing pronouns! Oh, joy!

Fatand40 @ Squidoo

I discovered Squidoo recently so decided to put together a sort of library of exercise DVDs and other related stuff I've started to collect since my stab at getting fitand40.

Check out my new lens, as they call it: http://www.squidoo.com/fatand40/

Free Weight Watchers

Weight Watchers has an offer this week for free registration. I think that usually costs about $35 to register, so that's a pretty good deal if you've ever wanted to try this weight loss program. I've done it about three times, and so I'm a life time member. That means I can join back up at any time without the registration fee, just have have to pay the weekly weigh-in fee, and it's usually discounted a dollar or two for life timers.

Obviously, since I gained all my weight back more than once after going through this program, it didn't work for me, but I don't totally discount it either. In fact, I know that if I were to go back I could probably get all this weight off in about three to four months. However, then I'd be back at the same problem - keeping it off.

Their new ad campaign says "Be an After. Stay an After," suggesting that you'll get it off and keep it off, but on that, at least for me, I think is where WW does not deliver. After I got it off, each time I was with their program, the support for keeping it off was lacking. And, I soon realized that it really just meant eating about 1200 calories a day forever, and that was something I couldn't do. So, their idea of "keeping it off" is keeping yourself on an extremely low-calorie diet for the rest of your life. I don't need to pay someone to tell me that works - duh.

On the up side, I learned a lot on the WW program, especially about food. Because I'd been so thin most of life, I never thought much about what I ate. If I liked it, I ate it; if I didn't like it, I didn't. Nutrition? Calories? Carbs? What where those? So, I do credit WW with teaching me about food.

The WW program is really geared for people who need to lose a lot of weight, 50 to 100+ lbs, and who have issues with food. Most of the meetings I went to dealt with very heavy people talking about weird things like hiding food in their closets. Or, I used to love it when they'd complain because they couldn't eat all the food they needed to on the WW Points System. Yeah, here I was literally starving for the first three weeks with me 20 points (I got used to being hungry some how for awhile after that), and these people with their 50 points had too much food - wa wa - poor babies.

So, those are my issues with this program. It works in the short term. I learned a lot. But it's not something most people can do forever, at least that's my opinion.

Comments on the New Strategy

I've sort of talked about my latest diet strategy, exercising a lot, but the other issue has been food. Honestly, I just got to the point (and yes, I know, it's only been a few weeks) that I'm (yet again) sick and tired of writing every single thing down that I eat. This was my big problem with Weight Watchers, along with eating about 1200 calories a day, forever.

Something that I've begun to realize with my new exercise schedule is the fact that if I want to exercise in the evenings as well as the mornings, I really can't eat much of a dinner. This then is another addition to my latest strategy - cutting down on a meal. I don't meaning cutting out, but instead of having, say, a sandwich, I may have a few cheese sticks and a piece of fruit. That way, around 6ish I'm not too hungry or too full to exercise.

At this point, I'm about two weeks into this new strategy. Thus, it's way too early to tell if it's been working or not. I think if I can manage for a few months, 2 or 3, then I can gauge my success better. One result so far is the fact that I feel pretty good mentally if not physically. I guess those endorphins are kicking in.

Tempted by Pilates

I came this close this weekend to buying a pilates machine.

QVC had a really nice one on sale for about $300, and it included lots of extras. I had my credit card in my hand. Hey, I have Christmas money I haven't spent yet, and I'm too fat to buy clothes, so why not spend it on something that might help me get into some new clothes? Plus, I've been so good about exercising lately. Heck, I deserved this.

But then I had a thought - how many calories would I actually burn with this type of exercise? It was definitely what I liked to do - lots of stretching - no jumping around - but would it be intense enough for my new diet strategy - exercising like a maniac?

So, I went over to Self.com, which has a calculator for this kind of stuff, and checked it out. I plugged in 30 minutes and the results? 100 calories! Yup, that's it! 100!

I burn 3xs that with my walking DVDs, so that sobered me right up. I felt so cheated though. I was so ready to buy that puppy. I zipped over to Amazon.com and ordered some new Leslie Sansone DVDs (and a book of course...I can't help myself....almost as bad as French fries).

I'll let you know how my new DVDs are once I get them, but for now, it's back to Leslie Sansone - Walk Away the Pounds for Abs - 3 Miles.

Dangers of Gum

I've never been much of a gum chewer. Usually, I chew it for a few minutes, get all the good flavor out, and then toss it. But, my DH put a few tins of Altoids gum in my stocking, and I'd forgotten all about it until yesterday. Not thinking about it, I popped a few in my mouth and munched for awhile. As is my usual with gum, tossed it out once the flavor was gone, and tossed in another.

Not long afterwards, I noticed I was ravenously hungry!

I had totally forgotten one reason I normally don't chew gum - it makes me hungry!

I did some Internet research on the issue of gum and hunger, but surprisingly, I didn't find anything definitive about it, at least not during my 5 minutes of lengthy research. But, I think it just comes down to the fact that when you chew like that, your saliva goes crazy, and you are telling your body that you're eating, when in fact, your not. You're just chewing. So, then your body says, "hey, where's the food? don't I get something in my stomach after all that nawing?"

So, the Altoid tin is now closed. I'm not sure if I'll ever chew gum again!

MLK BBQ

I'm throwing my diet to the wind and having burgers today. We are having a BBQ for a party of two. Since it's MLK Day, we are both home for a change, so we are firing up the grill, and that means our famous messy burgers, complete with cheese, blue cheese dressing, tomato, pickle, lettuce, oh and the burger too of course.

I'm planning on eating very light all day, and I've actually managed to do one of my 3mi DVDs again, so hopefully, the damage won't be as bad as it could be.

On the exercise front, things are still going well. Splitting them up has helped a lot. It has also motivated me to squeeze in short workouts on days that I normally feel too pooped to do any exercise. It just feels weird not to exercise every day now. Too bad I couldn't just eat whatever I want every day and exercise to loose weight, but of course - not possible.

Fat and Silly Today

Is this too funny? My friend Lei from "A Hearty Life," and about 50 other blogs (the woman, seriously, does not sleep!) turned me onto this link at blyberg.net: http://www.blyberg.net/card-generator/

You can make your own card for the old style card catalog. I'm going to have to send it to all the librarians I know. Thanks, Lei.

Ballerina Break Up

My life, as usual, is crazy right now. I'm still doing 20 hours at my crappy part-time job; I've started teaching one night a week at a local university; I'm setting up two web classes for me to start teaching in February at a junior college; I'm trying to get through a book (good but kind of depressing) someone gave me to review; and oh yes, I'm still trying to keep up with all my web writing and paid blogging gigs.

To say that it's hard to find time to exercise is an understatement. However, I've decided to make it a priority, even if that means my Christmas tree is still up - Yes! I know. I'm awful! - I am determined to get in some exercise every day.

One issue I've had along with the time thing is the energy thing. I know I need to exercise for more like an hour each day rather than 30 minutes if I really want to burn off some of this gut, but after 30 minutes, I'm exhausted. So a friend of mine, who also used to be a personal trainer, suggeted something I've been thinking about but just wasn't sure was doable for me - breaking up my workouts.

I know I can do 30 minutes; plus, it's easier to squeeze in a 30 minute workout than an hour long one. I don't expect to do this every day, but a good number of days I think I can. For example, yesterday I did 25 minutes of Yee, then later that evening I did 20 minutes with Leslie, and then the DH and I went on a brisk mile long walk with our dogs.

It felt great getting all that in, and while I know I just don't have the time to do that every day, I'm going to try it out on the days that are more my own, days I'm not at my PT job for example, because, though I have a lot to do, I can organize my time as I want to without literally punching a time clock.

I'm still counting calories, but I just know from past experience that exercising always is the key for me to lose weight. My body needs it, and metally, I always feel better when I've exercised regularly. I think some of that is from my dance days. I may be a big fat ballerina now, but I still have to move.

Past Time for Calcium

I've taken a multi-vitamin for years, but I am finally taking a calcium and vitamin D supplement. I know. I know. It's really past time for me to be taking these, and what is so stupid is (a) they are pretty cheap, about $5 plus there was a $2 coupon stuck on the box and (b) they actually don't taste that bad.

I'm such a baby when it comes to taking pills and medicine. If it tastes icky, then I just can't get it down, but these are sort of sweet tasting, probably because they are 10 calories each. Yes, can you believe it? My vitamins even have calories! Damn!

But, my mom's doctor is trying to talk her into taking some drugs because she has signs of osteoporosis, so she's been doing a lot of reading up on the whole thing lately and finally I listened to her (for a change) and started taking two of these puppies a day. Seems like, according her to her research, fat white chicks with small bones (yes, there are small bones under these layers of fat), who are fair skinned have a higher risk of this. To top it off, between my grandmother's issues and now my mom's, well, the writing is pretty much on the wall for me.

Hopefully, better late than never.

Jazzercise from the 80s?

One of the perks of joining Spark People are its daily newsletters you can sign up for (or not sign up for, your choice). Since I'm not just trying to lose weight but generally trying to get fit as well, I signed up for the exercise newsletter and the general daily one.

Today's exercise newsletter was touting the benefits of Jazzercise, which I've taken on and off for years depending on where I've lived and where classes have been offered. For the past, say 8 or 9 years, I've lived in an area where the closest classes have been a good thirty minute or more drive, and the classes offered have been extremely limited, so when I heard that classes were now offered in my town and only about 15 or 20 minutes away, I was very excited. I even blogged about it here.

Other than the fact that the class was only s0-so, the real kick in the pants was the price, $10 for walk-ins (though the first class is free) and after that it's $8 a class. Back when I took it previously, it was $5 for walk-ins and about $3.50 a class. Yes, a huge difference.

So, when I read this in my Spark People newsletter today, I had to wonder if they were quoting Jazzercise fees from the 1980s or something: "Because individual instructors independently own Jazzercise classes, there is no set rate. You will find that classes cost anywhere from $2 to $7, depending on the number of classes you purchase."

If I cared enough, I'd write to Spark and tell them they are wrong, wrong, wrong, but instead I'm blasting them here.

Yeah Yee

Okay, Yee gets a thumbs up on this one. I'm not sure all yoga lovers will like this or not, and honestly, I question its "beginning" level. However, it has a lot of the movements that I enjoy doing, such as lots and lots and lots of sun salutations. And, of course, who doesn't love downward facing dog?

I got a wonderful stretch on the back of my thighs, and it got my heart rate up, so that's what I was looking for. In fact, this in general is why I like power yoga so much better than some other forms that have you constantly meditating or laying around. If want to do that, I'll take a nap. When I exercise, I want to break out into a sweat.

Plus, I have real issues with getting my mind to stop thinking. As I'm bending over in mountain pose, I can't help but think of stupid stuff like, "Hey, I need to clip my toe nails!"

Yen and Yang with Yee

I've really missed my yoga and now that I'm back on the diet and fitness mill, I splurged on a new Rodney Yee DVD, Power Yoga - Flexibility. This is really to replace an older power yoga video by Yee I had that has finally retired. I love that video, but I wasn't able to find the exact same one on DVD, so hopefully this one will replace it.

I've really started to notice that my whole body has gotten much stiffer over the past year or so, and while I can attribute some of it to being out of shape, unfortunately, I think more than likely it's just another perk of being over 40. Gone are the days when I could stretch for five second and flop down into a split.

I'll let know you what I think of this newest DVD purchase. With shipping included, this puppy was less than $10.

Had a Thing

Last night I had a "thing" to go to, one of those events that required me to dress semi-professional for a change, and of course, that meant trying to figure out what still fits me in my closet (ya, not much). I knew there was going to be snacks there, and so I planned ahead, making sure I ate an egg and cheese sandwich before I left. I'm learning slowly, but protein is really the way to keep myself full.

So, I get there, and sure enough there is Mrs. S0-and-So's lemon cake, chips, sodas, and a huge sandwich ring. Everyone was very friendly and enouraged me to "have something to eat." I hate situations like this because I feel like I'm being rude when I protest, so I compromised and picked up a napkin and put 3 preztels on it, returned to my seat and pulled out my water bottle.

A few minutes later, another participant showed up and sat next to me. Again, everyone greated her and insisted she get something to eat, and she gently protested. We introduced ourselves and come to find out we both had purposely eaten something before we got there to make sure we didn't eat at this "thing." She had just lost 50 lbs after having a baby and had about 20 more to go, which she confessed she needed to lose before she'd gotten pregnant. I confessed that I had no baby to blame it on and we laughed.

It felt good not to be the only person in the room that was fighting off the food. I didn't have to sit there while she chowed down on cake and sucked down a chunk of sandwich.

So far the last two days have been like that, tough but I'm doing it. I'm sticking around 1500 to 1700 calories and trying for 8 glasses of water a day. Two days down, a million to go.

Spark Me

I'm going to try something other than fitday for a change. Not that I don't love fitday, but I've also discovered Spark People, which has a lot more bells and whistles. Actually, it may have too many because so far I'm finding it a little awkward to use, but I will probably get used to it. Plus, it may be that their server has a million fatties like me on it since it's the first of the year, so it's a little slooooowww right now.

Along with the usual food and exercise tracking, they also have message boards, daily tips you can get emailed to you, and loads of other things that I haven't had the time to figure out yet. Like I said, maybe too many bells, but I like the idea of the newsletters. They could sort of work as a daily reminder to keep myself focused.

Speaking of focused, I'm off to do my 2mile today then hitting the grocery store to load up on fruits and vegies.

Girlie Menu

Tomorrow is grocery day, so that means the official back on the diet day. I'm not going crazy right now, but I'm still working through some leftovers. Got those black eyed peas to eat you know. I also got a short work out in this morning, so that always helps me start the day right.

As I'm sitting here trying to finish up some of my blogging for the week and prepare to clear tomorrow for teacher prep work, I came upon an interesting blog post about women's diets versus men's diets. This is something that has been a real struggle at our house because my husband and I have totally different needs. He can eat one big meal all day and nothing else and be fine. Me? I have to eat 20 little meals a day. If I try to eat just one big one, well, I just can't eat that much at one sitting, so that means 2 hours later I'm hungry again.

Okay, here's a little from the post I mentioned published on Aprils CR Diary, "His and Hers Portions?"

It would be interesting to see if restaurants would begin serving his and hers portions. You wouldn't have to label it that way, of course, you could just have size small and size large. But imagine a restaurant where my 4'11" friend and her 6'10" husband could go, order, and be served dishes that more closely corresponded to their actual calorie needs. There could even be a menu of "Just for Her" tiny, low calorie side dishes like calcium-packed yogurt treats. Men could order off the women's menu, and women could order off the men's menu, but there would be a basic understanding that men and women come in different sizes and a one size fits all approach doesn't work.

I love this idea. I usually bring home a doggie bag when we go out, but honestly, I still end up stuffing down way more than I need to. I'd love to see more places offer a variety as far as portions.

Black Eyed Peas

And, I don't mean the band! Today we finished up lots of leftovers from the past few days of celebrating and I also cooked up a batch of my black eyed peas. Yes, I cooked something. It's one of a few dishes I actually know how to make, sort of a family inherited recipe from my dad. There's little to no measuring required, so I'm good with that.

For any yankees out there who need some luck and peas for next year, here's the recipe:

Take a small bag of black eyed peas and soak them at least over night. If you can find fresh ones, great, no soaking needed. Drain and save for later.

Fill up a crock pot or large pot with water, add a ham hock, bring it to a boil, and then simmer for an hour. If you don't have time for this, just skip this part and put the ham hock directly into the pot with everything else, but if you do, it will add a lot of flavor to the finished dish.

Toss peas into a crock pot, along with the ham hock, and at least a few cups of the water from the pot you just boiled the ham in.

Add the following into the pot: 1 sweet onion, chopped; a small can of tomato paste; hot cherry peppers, at least 3 big ones; dash of various seasonings such as oregano, basil, cyan pepper, paprika, and thyme; 1 bay leaf; and a liberal shaking of tobasco sauce. You can add just about any spice that sounds good too you as long as it's on the hot side and is not salt. Never, ever put salt in your peas when you're cooking them or they won't get soft. You can add salt to taste later once they are done cooking.

Put the lid on and let cook overnight on low. When you wake up in the morning, your kitchen will be filled with the smell of hot and spicey black eyed peas!

Who Is That Fat Chick?

Ahhh...the holidays are almost over, and while it's been fun, I have to admit that I am actually looking forward to literally tightening (I hope) the belt. There have been lunches with friends, dinners out, parties to try to pass on, and the office pot-lucks. All have been fun, but enough already.

After being away from my ick library job for about five days due to the holidays, I came back the other day and as I was waiting to clock in (tick, tick, tick...can't clock in early, gotta wait..tick, tick), I noticed a picture collage pasted next to the time clock. It was from a party the week before in tech services where I now sit due to the fact that there is simply an empty desk there and I'm the local part-time library gypsy. But,they were very sweet to me and invited me to their party and we all ate and did crazy things like have a tacky Christmas jewelry gift exchange and lots of pictures were taken, so someone ended up putting together the collage. Granted, no one was super-model material. Most were caught laughing or stuffing a corn chip in their mouths, but as I looked over the pictures (tick, tick, tick), I kept looking for me. I was there you know.

Finally after looking at each picture, I ran through them again until I found myself. "Oh, God! Is the me?" I thought. I had to lean over a little and take a closer look. "Oh, ugh! That is me!" Actually, I didn't have a goofy look on my face. I was just very red and very large. I had my red sweater set on and a plate of food in one hand and I was looking down, probably trying to hide from that damn camera!

I wanted to rip the picture off the wall, but of course, I couldn't do that. My new adopted cubicle-mates would not like that. And, I guess I must actually look like that.

I don't know how many wake-up calls it's going to take, but this was definitely one of them. So here's to leaving the big red fat chick back in 2006, and looking for a thinner, less red, version in 2007. I'm already working on my game plan. More to come next year.

Merry Christmas from Fatand40

Merry Christmas!

I jsut wanted to wish my small readership (all 6 of you) a very Merry Christmas!

Yes, I'm still fat. Yes, food seems to be everywhere right now, but even so I plan to have a wonderful holiday.

Food will not get me down, neither will the relatives who have already started the holiday nagging via email, nor the crazy traffic (have you noticed it too? people are driving like loons!).

It's nice to be home (I actually get Sunday off of at my crappy PT job for, like, the first time since last Easter!), and it's nice not have anything I have to do right-this-very-second-or-else for a change.

I'm just going to enjoy it for now, and I hope you do as well.

(Image from About.com Interior Decorating - not my house! Forgive me Martha Stewart.)

New Pencil Box

Yesterday I went by one of the colleges I'll be teaching at next semester to pick up my books. I was a little concerned about how I was going to feel about returning to the campus since I haven't been there in about a year or so. I gave up teaching for awhile in order to devote my time to my dissertation, and actually, this particular school hasn't been the nicest place sometimes. My last few trips there I rememeber have that "pit in your stomach" feeling. But this trip was a good one, and it reminded of one of the reasons I enjoy teaching: I like being a student, and one way of being a student is to teach.

School has normally been a good place for me. When I was young, I remember going to the local five and dime a week or so before school started and buying a new pencil box and all the goodies that went along with it: new pens, pencils, notebooks, reams of paper, and so on. Preparing for the big day was always exciting.

As I hauled an un-Godly number of books to my car, that's sort of how I felt, like I had my new pencil box in my hands. No icky feeling in my stomach was there. I even ran into a few faculty members, and they all called me "Dr." and as usual were super nice and friendly to me. The stress has at least gone away for awhile. The books are old friends of mine from many, many semesters of teaching the same classes. I can do this thing, even if I'm juggling a million other things.

Doing Lunch

Due the holidays and the fact that I am so incredibly popular, I am booked big time for various "let's do lunch" events. Of course, who doesn't like to go out to eat? But, considering the fact that I've just been eating whatever lately, not being a pig but not being careful either, this just throws more temptation in my way. And it is so hard to eat right when you dine out. Luckily, one of my dates is with C. who always puts me to shame with her celery stick - no dressing - eating habits.

Then there's also the work issue. I have loads of it, more than ever it seems. How to "do lunch" and "do work" at the same time is tricky. And, I'm starting to stress now about my work load after the first of the year. I seem to barely handling things now. What happens when I'm teaching three classes at the same time? Two are on line, so at least that cuts down on traveling, but will I ever get away from my keyboard?

With the first of the year looming, I start thinking about all those "get in shape" and "eat right" plans I usually have, and I can't help but feel discouragd that I just won't be able to do it while I continue to juggle everything else going on in my life. I know. I know. Why stress now when you can stress after the first of the year? But, I always start my stressing early. I'm funny that way.

Calling Fat Academics

I came across this call for papers and I couldn't resist posting it here. Forgive the goofing markings. It's been a long, crazy day and I'm tired:

"Historicizing Fat"=20A
Proposed Special Session for the 2007 Annual Convention of the Modern =Language Association=20
Papers are solicited which consider how fat been constructed in =different historical periods. Papers might consider times in which fat =was unmarked entirely, understood in other than pathologized terms, or =alternatively, they might give a history to the category of "obesity."

=I am interested in the way in which history, broadly understood, can be =used to imagine and thus create alternatives to what sometimes seems =like an all-too-oppressive present. As such, papers that reflect on the =role history can play in creating a fat accepting community are =especially welcome.

=20=20E-mail a one-page abstract with a short biography by 16 March 2007 to
=Elena Levy-Navarro at levye@uww.edu.
You will be notified of your =status by 1 April 2007. A
ll participants must be members of the MLA =before 7 April 2007. The MLA will be held in Chicago, IL from 27 Dec. - =30 Dec. 2007.

Elena Levy-Navarro, Ph.D.Associate ProfessorProgram in EnglishUniversity of Wisconsin at WhitewaterWhitewater, WI 53190(262)472-5047 (tel.)(262)472-1037 (fax)

Must Be Strong!

I'm working at the library part of the day, and I'm already bracing myself for the food that I know will be there - everywhere. Cookies, candy, snacks of all types will be downstairs, in the break room....So, I must be strong. I could tell myself that I'll just eat one thing, but a few problems with that: there will be many "one things" to chose from. Also, I'm not a one cookie kind of gal. I'm an eat-the-whole-box-and-feel-ill kind of gal. If I know that I won't be satisfied, it doesn't make sense for me to even try to limit myself.

I love the holidays, but I'll be so relieved when they and the food they bring are behind me!

6 More Months

The next 6 months are going to be, well, insane, though pretty much all good. I'm returning to the classroom and I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to helping students figure out where to put their commas and brainwashing them into discovering fab-o novels like Agnes Grey {heavy sigh}.

While I will still have my crappy library job (yes, teaching and writing and librarian-ing all at the same time! thus the insanity I speak of), I will only have it for 6 more months unless something totally unexpect happens, and hey, you never know. (Mental note: Call the retirement system guy again and ask him for the exact date, time, and second I can walk outa there!) There's always something weird going on there, so honestly, things could turn around tomorrow and I'd be a happy part-time librarian again. Until then, I have six more months to hide from the wicked witch of the X department, even if that means I'm unpacking boxes in acquisitions or filing invoices; so be it. Just because I'm a Dr. now, I'm not above a little druggery work. Actually, I like keeping busy. It makes the 8 hours go by so much faster. The old "look busy" thing I was never good at, you know.

Okay, enough flapping of the keyboard. The brownies are g-o-n-e. I managed to eat way more than I should, but I also told my husband, "If you love me, then you'll take at least half this box of brownies with you to work. For the love of God, man, don't leave me alone in the house with them!" So, onto more walking with Leslie Sansone.

Brownie OD

Oy! I learned today my limit on Fairytale Brownies! The best brownies in the Universe!

I found a box of these at my doorstep last night when I came home from UCF. Very sweet of the giver, but dang it! Chocolate is so my weakness (okay, one of many).

I ended up buying a few boxes to send to some book editors/publishers I'm trying to keep on my good side.

Maybe, just maybe I worked off one brownie at least during my 2mile walking DVD today.

Dr. is Fat & Happy

Not exactly Victoria Secret material, but here I am wearing my fancy academic costume for probably the last time. Notice the "hood," as it's called. Only doctoral students get one of those. Even those with an Ed.d. don't get the same type of hood. As we were heading over to the arena, getting crammed on a bus that drove us in circles before finally getting there, a woman asked me about it: "That's different. What does that mean?" she asked pointing to the hood (which is velvet and satin). "It's for Ph.D students." I told her, and of course, she was totally impressed.

It was a very long day, driving to Orlando, getting lost on the way to the arena (they said there'd be signs...of course, they meant "sign" as in one), running around trying to get a robe that had a hole for my arm to go through it. The whole wrinkle thing was a non-issue at that point, especially after one of the people at the bookstore table tried to talk me into a wearing a robe for a 5' 11" person: "There you go. It looks great." ..... "Um, it's dragging on the floor. I'm not wearing this." Hey, I'm a doctor now, you know. I don't take that kind of crap from people any more. Well, actually I do, but come on!

I know I looked totally fat and totally geeky, but this is just not a "get your sexy on" kind of outfit. One saving grace was the fact that eveyone else was wearing the same or similar attire, so actually, it was kind of cool, like I'm so a member of this club now, at least I was for a day.

For a little extra geeky and fat affect, here's me with "the" diploma (yeah, baby, we actually get them @ the ceremony, not a blank book).

Just a Little Something

...To destroy your self-esteem.

Yes, I admit to watching a little of the show.

It reminded me of the first time I visited a Victoria Secrets store. I was used to undies at Sears that come 3 in a pack. V.S.'s didn't have any numbers on them, just XS, S, M, L, XL. So I asked one of the sales clerks how they were sized.

"You're a large," she sneered at me.

"Ah. Thank you," I meekly mumbled as I melted into the floor.

Bad Shoe Day

Shoot. I was doing pretty well there, getting back to my daily DVD walking and/or walking the dogs, and I blew it by wearing some bad shoes. I hate when that happens and I hate that I have whimpy feet.

Now the bottoms of my feet feel like someone took a sledge hammer to them. I actually work with a woman who is on her feet all day, very physical job, and she wears heels! I go walking in a pair of old sneekers followed by a day of wearing 1 inche mules, and I'm dying! Are even my feet out of shape?

The worst part is that we had planned on walking the dogs tonight, and (a) I was really looking forward to it as the weather has turned a little nippy and (b) I know I'll get flack from my DH if I don't go. He won't buy the feet problem.

Hmm..should I just go and have one more night of pain? Or, should I cool it for a day or so?

Academic Road Kill

I got my cap and gown today via UPS. Crap! The gown is messed up. One of the sleeves is goofy. I called the book store and they said they'd have another for me there the day of the commencement, but dang it. That means it will probably be all wrinkly. This is starting to make be even more scared of the whole thing.

I can just picture it now: I trip and fall like a load of fatand40 bricks, ala Carrie Bradshaw. Some gay guy will scream: "She's academic road kill," as I slip my 1" heeled shoe back on my fat foot.

I also received an email today about the this whole hulla baloo they are to do with us Ph.Ders. There is this hood thing they stick on me, or my advisor actually has to do. So, that means I can't wear my hair down. Plus, I realized I need to wear a button down shirt because they have to hook it on a button. Very weird to have this done by your advisor in front of a zillion strangers. I mean. I have only even said this guy's first name out lowd, like, once. Now he's going to "dress" me in public. Cripes.

Luckily, I can still fit my fat a** into the gray skirt I plan to wear, but of course, the whole button down thing has thrown a wrench into my sweater set plans. I think I've one shirt I can wear that will work, a white button down with a Peter Pan collar, too young, but we'll see if I can swing by Sears this week (yes I know - Christmas crowds!).

Okay onto the diet issues. I have totally lost my Mojo, as I'm sure you noticed. I'm busy as hell with work. I'm blogging my brains out lately, but the money is good so....

On an up note, we walked our dogs last night, and it felt good to get out and get a little exercise. It was a cool night for Florida, in the high 60s, and we walked around the neighborhood checking out the holiday lights.

This energized me and this morning I managed to do one of my walking dvds, the 2mile. Not the 3, but hey, I managed to pry my fingers off the key board and sweat for a change.

Since losing my grip at Thanksgiving, I'm starting all over again. I even broke down and bought some pants, which C. would have a cow about, but luckily, she's not on the net and can't read this...he he. Otherwise, she'd give me that "Five more pounds and you can't wear these any more. Don't buy them."

Easy for Miss Size 6 to say. Plus it's getting cold now so my wardrobe is shrinking. At least something is!

Big Fat Liar

I'm such a big fat liar! Yesterday I finally managed to order my cap and gown, fingers crossed it will make it here before the big day. As I was ordering, the woman asked me how tall I was, my head size, and oh, yes, my weight!

My what? Why would she need to know that?

In case I needed a plus size, she wanted to make sure I was comfortable!

And, you know what? I so lied to her. I couldn't help myself. Granted I know I don't wear a plus size (at least not yet!) but I just couldn't admit the truth to this stranger over the phone. I imagined her checking some little box, "extra-large."

Maybe I won't be comfortable. Honestly, Thanksgiving really did me in worse than I thought. I took the pants test yesterday, trying on a pair that I had been able to wear okay before the holiday, and nope, no way are those two sides of the zipper ready to meet. I totally f-ed up all the work I'd done, and heck, it wasn't even that much work, a measly few pounds.

The flush thing didn't do diddly, and I know it was just one day, but you'd think I'd get some sort of pay back for the 12 hours I spent in the bathroom. But, there are no quick fixes, I know that, and I know what I have to do, but it just isn't any fun doing it.

Flush Update

Okay, no big surprise, I didn't sleep a much last night.

Ah, you laugh at me! Yes, I deserve it, and am I lighter?A little thinner? nah! But I learned a few things and remembered a few too.

Plus, I'm back on track with basically watching what I'm eating, counting calories, and such. My next goal is to get back to regular walking again.

Flushing So Far

Today went okay, and yes, lots of flushing. I didn't eat all the food on her list, so I was a little on the hungry side. Probably if I'd eaten it all I wouldn't be, but some of the foods I wasn't thrilled about (plain yogart...ick) and others, like the artichoke, were just too involved to deal with. Of course, now that it's late and my tummy is rumbling, maybe they weren't all that involved.

I'm struggling with whether or not to do it again tomorrow. I'm not sure if I have enough of the food left over from today to do it all, may need to pick up a few things, but I'll see how I feel in the morning. I know I have enough for breakfast and a late morning snack.

The jury is still out if this was a good thing or not. I will say that some of what I did today I could continue to do. I made a wonderful lunch with salmon (yes, I actually cooked something) and put it on a large salad with a little olive oil and lots of lemon juice. That's a meal I plan to add to my current low-cal list. Also the warm lemon water is a good thing. I don't know why warm works better than cold, but I could tell a difference. I don't see me drinking as much water as I did today, but it might be a good thing to do, maybe drink a few glasses a day.

Hopefully, I'll wake up tomorrow a little lighter.

The Big Flush

Obviously, since I haven't been blogging here in forever, I've not been good about the diet. Before Thanksgiving, I wasn't all that bad, just maintaining, but then, as expected, I took a down-hill dive for the holiday. To top it off, we had company stay with us, and so what else is there to do when you entertain but feed them? Between last Weds. and Saturday, it has been a chow fest around here.

Time for something radical. And that something is The Cleanse and Flush plan from Get a Real Food Life by Janine Whiteson.

Whiteson's whole approach to dieting is not this flush plan. In fact, this is just a side bar she has in the book. The rest of the book (from what I can tell...just on ch. 2 so far) is about eating sensibly for life, and of course, that is what I hope to get to eventually. But, after all the eating I've been doing, the flush appealed to me. I feel like a beached wale! According to her book, this quickie diet is supposed to help "reduce that bloated, lethargic feeling." And that pretty much describes me right now.

She recommends you don't do it for more than 3 days in a row, but honestly, if I can just make it through one day, I'll be impressed. The plan calls for eating a lot of fruit (which is why I think I can do it since I love fruit), lean proteins (like fish), and lots and lots and lots of warm lemon water. Needless to say, I'll be sticking around the house today!

Supposedly, I could drop a pound or two, though it's all water weight, so I know it could come back, but at this point, I'll take what I can get. For the most part, I found her list of foods on the diet to be pretty basic and easy to do, especially for a non-cook like myself. The only big issue I have is with the artichoke she's got listed. I love these, don't get me wrong, but I wouldn't know how to cook one to save my life.

I'll let you know how it goes. Like I said, I'm trying for one day right now. If I make it through today okay, then I may try for day two, but that's a big maybe at this point.

More on the Plate Issue

I just received the book Mindless Eating by Dr. Brian Wansink. One of the experiments he discussed on the TV show where I saw the book mentioned was the idea that if you have a smaller plate you tend to eat less.

Lately I've been stressing about my doing too much - again. The whole "I've got too much on my plate issue" applies to me in more ways than one. So at one point, what last week was it?, I resolved that enough was enough. As things come off my plate, like school, I'm not going to add any more. Heck, I may actually take items off my plate, even if that means giving up a little income (and as a writer, I can tell you, it is little!).

I wasn't 100% sure about my plan, of course. Even a little money adds up when you do it regularly or add it to other little money jobs, but I was convinced that I just couldn't do it all and do it all that well either.

Then, of course, out of nowhere I get an email about another small writing job, a column once on month, easy topic for me too boot. Sure, I can do that. It's just once a month.

Then another email comes. This time it's about teaching a few English classes at a university no less and locally. The classes are small. The students will need lots of help, but it's grammar and basic writing skills. Hey, that's my thing. I'm great at breaking down grammar goop and helping students organize their thoughts.

In the back of my mind as I'm loading up my plate yet again, my brain is going "Stop! What the *ell are you doing? You can't do this." But I ignore this voice, this voice that wants to bring me down, to make me pick waxing the kitchen floor (which really needs it by the way) to teaching a class. My floor will go unwaxed for a few more months, maybe longer, but I'm just a full plate kind of gal I guess.

Less Insanity Today

I had a light lunch with C. yesterday and she finally stopped the "I want to get into a size 2" talk. I think between me trying to convince her that even at a size 2 she'll feel fat and that you can't live hungry...as in that's no way to live life...and her husband who told her he doesn't like skinny girls, she's finally coming back to reality. In fact, we ordered the 1/2 sandwich and soup option, and I thought she'd get something like vegie soup but she actually ordered chicken and dumplings. I almost fell over.

The girl taking our order has no idea how lucky she was that day. Normally, C. takes a half hour to order her salad "I'll have the chef salad with no ham or carrots or tomatoes or....yada yada.."

I could have eaten a huge bowl of that dumpling soup (we went to Crispers) but I was saving myself for dinner at Ian's Tropical Grill. The name of this place sounds like it's some sort of sports bar, but actually, it's very gourmet, sort of Key West gone to California dining ala France.

We had a few appetizers, baked oysters (yes..tee hee), tuna rolls, and a fab white chili shrimp soup. I could have eaten a gallon of the soup alone.

For an entree I had the macadamia encrusted snapper with a fruit salsa, yummie vegies on the side, and some ultra cool mash potatoes with carmelized onions in them.

The DH had flounder encrusted with some kind of Japanese bread crumbs and topped with banana and mango salsa.

Needless to say, we skipped desert. Oh, and we had an excellent cabernet with the whole dinner.

I ended up taking 1/2 my food home, so it was a nice light meal for me today. DH is making scallops and asparagus for dinner, and as my birthday cake (did I mention it's my birthday today?) I have 2 pieces of chocolate cheese cake for us I picked up at Publix earlier this week.

Well, I'm off to enjoy the rest of my day. I think I'll read one of the books in my growing stack of "I'm going to read this some day" and then take a cat nap, with a cat of course.

Stop the Insanity

Yesterday at work, I saw a fellow co-worker, who like myself struggles with her weight, smoking on her break. Yes, damn it, smoking! I really wanted to go over, grab that thing out of her hand, slap her, and then hug her. In the five years I've worked there, I've never seen her smoke before.

Sure, maybe she's a smoker and I just never knew it. Maybe she is stressed out about something that I don't know anything about, but more so, I think it comes down to her weight issues. It's her quick fix. It will keep her from eating during her break. It will make food taste like crap. It will speed up her metabolism. I know what's she's thinking because I've had those same thoughts myself.

Also on my mind around then was the last few conversations I'd had with C. She's still hungry and still frustrated, though she has lost a few more pounds. But, at what cost I tried to reason with her. You can't live like that. And, who would want to any way?

For my own part, life is still good. True, I'm not a size 8 but I'm down to a solid 12 now. I actually wore a pair of pants the other day that I hadn't worn in months, and they are very comfortable, not falling off my boney butt, but not so tight I can't sit comfortably either. And, I'm turning 43 tomorrow, so while I'm not eating like a crazy person (I actually went out yesterday for lunch and ordered a sandwich minus the bread), I'm not driving myself nuts by stepping on the scale or starving myself either. In fact, we're going out to eat for my birthday slash graduation celebration and I'm going to eat whatever I want. So there.

Fat and 40 Lady Still Hasn't Sung Yet

Oy! So here I finally graduate, and as I start to think I may actually have more free time, I gradually realized that's not the case. Or, at least, if I want to beef up my academic writing stuff it shouldn't be.

I'm already working on an abstract to submit to a journal for an article on women's weblogging, and it ocurred to me that...hmm...I'm writing another paper. On the one hand, this is cool. It's like I'm back in school again. On the other, I realize, crap! I usually spend all semester on my papers for school...that's...16 weeks...min.

I went to an academic publishing workshop yesterday (long drive but I was good and brought sandwhiches, not exactly diet food but not Burger King either), and they pretty much confirmed what I had been starting to realize. It ain't over yet.

For the past year, I've dedicated at least one day a week - Tuesdays - to writing my dissertation. Obviously, I worked on it other days here and there, but Tuesdays were my do or die write it days. Before that, Tuesdays were my homework days; again, yes, I worked other days, but Tuesdays, no matter what, I made myself work on school work.

I thought I'd get my Tuesdays back, silly me. But noooo...if I really want to take a stab at this academia thing, then that means no free Tuesdays. It also means my plate is way too full again. So, what to do?

I have to make some hard decisions. Right now, here's what's on the plate starting in 2007:

• Teaching two English classes on the web
• My jewelry blog at Creative Weblogging (10 posts a week)
• My wine blog at Creative Weblogging (10 posts a week)
• My jewelry and beading blog at b5media (6 posts a week)
• My About.com site (2 newsletters and lots and lots of other stuff)

All of these are paying gigs, and fat and greedy me really doesn't want to lose any of them. BUT, I think it comes down to realizing that while something may not pay me via paypal today, it could pay me in different ways in the future, and I don't necessarily mean with money.

Clearing the Clutter

Now that I reached a major milestone in my life and school will soon be a memory for me, I'm concentrating on clearing the clutter. That includes my house, which is a total wreck, and my life in general. You'll notice I changed the tag line for this blog. Heck, I may change it again as I change my life around, rearranging furniture, tossing out stacks of magazines, dusting away the cobb webs of my life in general.

I feel like this is a time for me to rethink many things in my life, that includes my career, or any possibility of future careers, my writing direction, and my designing. I guess because I'm a crafty sort of person that I think better when I'm doing something. I'm "hands-on" as they say. So the literal moving away of clutter from my home helps me think.

One issue I'm already starting to deal with is the idea of putting more on my plate. Here I finally have school off the plate, and I've caught myself thinking of more things to do - silly things, really:

• "Interesting, they have a Women's Studies certification at UCF, only 12 hours, that's just 4 classes!
• I know of a blog network that needs someone to write about literure...
• Oh, and I could write a weight loss blog for $$"

These thoughts run through my head, and I have to catch myself. Wait! Stop! Are you insane?

Even now, with school ending, I still feel like I'm doing too many things, and not necessarily doing them well or even enjoying some of them any more. So, just as I have to literally push away my plate on the table, I need to remember to push away the thoughts of doing, doing, doing more.

Cheese Strategy

I'm thinking of coming up with a new tag line for this blog. How about - a journal about cheese, losing weight, and getting fit after 40?

I knew I was going to face more cheese when I got home last night, so I came up with a strategy to help curb the affects of cheese on my ass. Basically, I didn't eat too much during the day, keeping it to a protein bar, low-cal English muffin, and salad with some tuna tossed in it. By the time I made it home, then, I probably hadn't had more than about 500 calories.

Of course, I know I shouldn't eat any cheese if I really want to lose weight, but I just don't see that happening. at least not right now. I guess I'm just not yet settled back into my diet mode.

Cheese Issues Again

Well, I confess - the cheese got me again. My DH, who does low carb so cheese is his friend, bought some fabulous soft havarti (is that how you spell it?) and dill cheese, and I couldn't resist.

Luckily, by the time the cheese incident happened, I had only racked up about 1300 calroies, including wine that I hadn't had yet, so hopefully, it won't literally come to bite me in the butt.

Today, I'm doing the salad and tuna thing. I've discovered that buy tossing in a small can of tuna into my salad it helps fill me up a little more. I'm also being good and staying away from Mr. Bread Man today. Instead, I opted for a low-cal wheat English muffin as my late morning I'm-hungry-for-no-real-reason snack.

Tedium

Today I'm home working because I work at the library all weekend (ugh). But here it is, almost noonish, and I haven't found myself hungry at all. In fact, I'm making myself eat a pear right now because it is on its last leg (if pears had legs) and I need to get back into my fruit habit.

So why is today diffrent than yesterday? Why was I so hungry yesterday morning about this time? Heck, I was hungry five minutes after I arrived at work.

Tedium - I think that's the answer. My job there is boring. I'm really just killing time until I figure out what else I'm going to do. That makes for a very (very) long day.

With boredom comes hunger. It's all up here (touching head).

The reason I wasn't hungry today was because I've been busy working since the moment I woke up. And I'm invested in my work. What I'm doing (blogging, emailing people, finished up my school red tape) matters to me.

Okay, enough philosophizing - here's a progress report:

Yesterday's calories came in at about 1500. Bascially, I ended up not eating late in the day too much and just had some soup (which is probably high in sodium..ya ya, I know). That helped with the calorie count being a little on the low side though.

Today, I'm hoping to keep it around 1500 again. This weekend is going to be tough due to the farmer's market and the bread man (who I have a secret crush on).

I need to focus, focus, focus. Ignore his fabulous rolls and buns. Focus, focus, focus!

More on Drawing the Line

I spoke with C. again the other day. She is still losing the weight but is still hungry - all the time. I tried to talk some sense into her. She's a 6, looks great, how can she live like this? But, she is still babbling about becoming a size 4.

She's not on line so I plan to print up this article from Style Bites about this very issue - it's worth a read for anyone thinking about where and when to draw the line.

Day 1 Under My Belt

I did okay yesterday. Kept it under 1700 calories - 1690 to be exact. Not thrilled. I know I could have eaten less, but it's so hard not to be in a celebritory mood right now.

Today I'm working away from home. As soon as I got to work I was hungry! Dang it.

I'm back to recording my food at fitday.com, so hopefully, that will keep me on track today. At least there isn't too much Halloween candy around here to tempt me.