One Door Closes - Another Door Opens

Today was my last day at my crappy library job. I couldn't help but feel a little choked up as I gave and got hugs and promises for future lunch dates. It is hard to believe that I've been there five years (and two months). Of course, my practical side hates to give up the steady paycheck, but it is time to move on. The reason I took the job in the first place was so that I could go to school, and I've been there done that - stick a fork in me. There is no future for me at the library, and even if there was, I have never had the intention of becoming a librarian.

Even before leaving, I have been blessed with a number of new opportunities coming my way. I am taking on a larger class load in the fall, and I have recently accepted a part-time gig as the Executive Editor over at Creative Weblogging.

The hardest part of leaving the library is saying good-bye to so many good people who I really consider to be friends now. One of the younger women who works there even made it a point to tell me how my encouragement has made such a difference with her choice to continue onto grad school after she gets her four year degree. How can that not bring a tear to a teacher's eye?!

Well, shoot, I'm getting all goofy about it again, so I'll just leave it at that. The door is closed. Now time to walk through a new door.
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Riding on Handlebars

With the heat here and the rain coming in the late afternoon, we are definitely in the throws of summer.

The other day I was driving back home from the vet after picking up some more insulin, syringes, and cat food, and I noticed various group of kids traveling down the side walks.

One group had the signature kid riding on the handlebars of another kid's bike, and I couldn't help but feel nostalgic. It probably didn't hurt that I was listening to the oldies station: "Bye, bye Miss American Pie..."

It was nice to see children out and about and doing dangerous stupid crap instead of glued to the TV or video games. I remember summer days when we'd head out and be gone all day, running around barefoot, riding our bikes, drinking gallons of Mello Yellow (none diet of course).

I found the song on YouTube:

So bye-bye, miss american pie.

Drove my chevy to the levee,But the levee was dry.

And them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye

Singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die."this’ll be the day that I die.

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Bad, Bad Shoes

Starting in the fall, I will be back in the classroom. All summer I've been teaching, but it's all been on the web, so my normal teacher attire has been casual to say the least. Though my official return to teaching started last spring and I did have to actually enter a classroom in person, I managed to get by, but the shoes were starting to become an issue.

My "teacher shoes" (as in not my beloved Birkenstocks) are on their way out. When I was teaching full-time about 5 years ago, I invested in an assortment (black, white, navy, brown, etc), and they are now ready for retirement. But, I so dread shopping for shoes!

I know. Who doesn't enjoy a new pair of shoes? My fear of shoe shopping dates back to Catholic school when we were limited in what we could wear, and with a size AA foot, that didn't leave me many options. If I could have worn tennis shoes or sandals (which either tie or buckle), I could have managed, but of course, both were no-no's.

One year my mother ended up buying the the ugliest shoes on the face of the planet. I wore them to school one day, and my friends asked me why I was wearing "retard shoes." They reminded me of the shoes you used to see poor kids who had suffered from polio wearing along with their leg braces. So, I never wore them again and spent months getting written up for wearing tennis shoes (which were denim and suede - hey, it was the 70s). I tried to convince Sr. Rosetta that they were actual shoes, but she wouldn't buy it.

Fall semester starts in about two months, so I have to get my courage up and venture out soon. Ugh!

Virginia Woolf, You Are Not

Though it may seem to some people like my various part-time jobs are unrelated, they really aren't. For example, I'm a part-time English instructor and I'm also a part-time blog recruiter/trainer of sorts. In many ways, my tasks at these jobs are very similar. I have to help people write. This often requires that I tell them how not to write.

Very nicely, of course, I have to point out grammar problems or organizational issues in their writing and try to explain the correct way they should be writing the essay or blog entry or what-have-you.

Sometimes my student/trainee takes my "help" the wrong way, which is understandable. No one likes to be told he/she is doing something wrong. But, sometimes they try to support their wacky writing by telling me things like, "It's my style" or "I was trying to be funny."

I'm never really sure what to say to something like this. If writing comma splice after comma splice is style, then I'm at a loss. To me, when a nobody (in terms of writing career) writes like this, it means you simply don't know when and where to place a period. Learn the rules first. Then when you become a wildly famous writer and say that Dr. P in your ENC101 composition class taught you everything you know, you can write in whatever style you wish.

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Feels Good!

I can't help it, but that song is going through my head. Who sings it? "I feel good...you know that I would now....doodle doodle doodle do"

Any way, I turned in my letter of resignation at my CLJ today! Since it's Sunday, and I am one of the few pathetic souls required to work Sundays (every Sunday for the past five years mind you), I was able to sneak it into my boss's office without anyone knowing. He'll find it when he comes in the next morning. I know. It sounds chicken, and while I am a chicken, I had to do it today because I won't be back there until later in the week. I wanted to be a good employee and give them a full two weeks notice. Thus, it had to be today.

The gal I was working with knows, and she was freaking out: "Whose going to work every Sunday? OMG, they will probably try to make me do it! I'm not going to do it. Yada yada."

Maybe I am putting them in a bad way about the Sunday thing, but it is really time for me to move on, and I don't think they will be all that surprised. This CLJ was perfect when I was going so school, but now I'm not going to school, and I have so much work as it is, that I really had to decided to cut something. This was my first choice, obviously.

Ahh...to be a fly on the wall tomorrow :)

Early Mornings at the Vet's

As we continue to get the whole diabetes issue figured out for one of our three cats, I've been making bi-weekly treks to the vet. We are trying to figure out the correct amount of insulin to give him, so this requires a glucose curve test, which basically means they take and test his blood over a period of hours (I know, poor baby).

After doing this about five times now, to say that we are both sick and tired of going is an understatement. Because he has to be tested soon after he eats and then throughout the day, we have to get there between 7:30 and 8am. Then I wait for the first test results to see if they'll keep him that day or not. If it's too high or too low, we go back home.

So, this means I'm left sitting in the waiting room with no cat for about 15 to 20 minutes as they give him his first test in the back. I've seen other patients come and go and have learned the main reason why they have us come so early in the morning - these are the problem patients. They all have something majorly wrong with them or worse. They hobble in with little casts on their limbs or cones around their heads or maybe they can't even walk so their owners carry them in.

I've seen people leaving there and crying on their way out. Yesterday morning as I was waiting for Nee-Nee (a nickname of this cat), I saw two people bring in a very old dog. She was thin and had white all around her snoot. I was so tempted to caress her nose, but I held back because it always pisses me off when people approach my own animals there. I'm worried they may stress them out even more and end up getting bitten. I'm not even sure if she could really see me because of the cataracts in her eyes. But, it made me think of all the other old dogs I've cared for over the years.

So, Nee-Nee's glucose was actually low for a change and they were going to feed him some more and keep him for the day because they thought they could complete the test even though he was on the low side. I felt badly that maybe I hadn't given him enough to eat, but like his mother, he tends to be a bottomless pit, so he's never really full. As I left, I saw those same people leaving as well, sans the old dog, and they were crying, and I realized - crap - they just had their dog put down! Maybe I should have touched her old white nose!

I Have This Great Idea for You

Right now, I'm working on a few book proposals. One is for my dissertation that I hope will turn into a fabulously popular text in the academic book market, the other two proposals are for my bread and butter jewelry making thing. Proposals are tough to write for me because you basically spend a lot of time on them with no real assurance that all that work will turn into a book....that you'll get paid for no less...some day.

So today when I was talking with a friend, it was really hard for me to know what to say when I got the, "I have a great idea for a book for you" comment. This is something that as a writer you get used to. Same with jewelry making. Everyone has a "great idea," but they want you to carry it out.

It's very difficult for me to know how to handle this. I try the ol, "If it's such a great idea, then you should do it." But, oh, no, they don't have the time, and hey, I'm the writer! I should do it. They don't mind giving me their great idea. It's all mine. Just remember them when I get those big royalty checks.

Hell, people...I'm full of "great ideas!" I've got them coming out of my ears and other parts of my body. What I don't have is time to do them all. I've actually been seriously considering taking on a part-time assistant because I have so much work, but the more I think about it, the more I realize that it would be just about impossible for me to do. I basically need to just clone myself.

As I spoke with my friend today, who was very insistent that I should drop everything and write this book...she went on and on with one idea after another...and yes, it is actually a good idea for a book...I kindly told her that I thought it was a good idea but I just didn't have the time right now. But I so know this is going to come up again when we talk in the future. So, what do you say to these people to get them to shut up about their great ideas?!

Black Hole of Academic Writing

Since graduating, I have tried to be a good little post Ph.Der and send out academic articles for possible publication. The trade writer side of me is still not comfortable with all of this writing for no money, but I know this what I'm supposed to do. I write articles about boring stuff that no one really wants to read, it gets peer reviewed, and if anyone does decide to publish my boring article, I'm supposed be totally thrilled because I can add it to my CV. This whole process is supposed to validate me in the academic community. "See, folks, I've been published by Prestigious Journal X,Y,Z, so I'm super duper important."

So, okay, all of that I can live with. Even if I don't get paid and even if the average person would think my academic writing is a yawn-fest, I, at least, still enjoy the research and writing process. But what irks me about all of this is the black hole that my articles seem to enter. I've got 2, going on 3, articles floating around out there, and I have yet to hear boo from these prestigious journals. If it's crap, then tell me it's crap and be done with it, but to sit on my work for months, even close to a year for one article, is just (I think) outrageous.

Now, I have heard a few peeps here and there from them, but usually I hear back when I've totally forgotten about them in the first place, sometimes as long as 3 months or more. Then I'm thrown a crumb: "We are still working through the review process. Thank you for your patience."

For my third article, I sent out an abstract, and honestly, I'm to the point now that this will be my last attempt to publish any more academic articles until these three articles either pan out or fizzle. With the amount of time and energy I've spent on them, I could have published a book or two. If this is how academic publishing normally operates, it's amazing anything managed to get into print at all.

I'm Glamming It Up

Check out some of my latest press over at Glam.com in its "Meet the Publisher" series. I'm not sure how I'm considered a "publisher" exactly since the only blog that isn't really owned by another company is this little ol' one here, and heck, probably Blogger owns all this wonderful content I'm writing for all I know ;)

But, I'm so glad my little sister took some decent photos of me about a year ago. They have really come in handy with this sort of thing. I hate getting my picture taken. It's pretty much up there with root canals in my book, and she just about had to sit on me so she could slather all the make-up on me too, another thing I'm not so great at.

English Professor Plans Meth Lab

Last week, for whatever reason, I had another one of my mega allergy attacks. I never know when they are coming or why they come in the first place, but about every 2 or 3 months, sometimes longer sometimes shorter, one will stop by for the day and drive me crazy. Usually, it means a day full of sneaking my head off and going through at least a few boxes of Puffs Plus.

So, today during my trip to the grocery store for my usually weekly stuff, I had the brilliant idea of getting some heavy duty Claritin-D to stash for any future attacks. I knew they were no longer in the regular spot and that I had to get them from the pharmacy, but geez! I felt like any minute a bunch of cop cars were going to roll up to the store with a blow horn, "We know you are in there English teacher slash writer slash jewelry designer. Come out with your allergy pills and you won't be hurt!"

I had to show my driver's license, write an extra check because I had to pay for them right there (not with my other grocery items), the pharmacist had to fill out paper work, and I had to sign something. I guess I was signing a form that said I would not go home, crack open the box of 5 pills I just bought for $6.99, and start a meth lab or something.

I found some info about this and a coupon (of course after I bought these darn things) on the Clartin web site:

Federal legislation takes effect on September 30, 2006 that imposes a deadline on moving allergy and cold products containing the active ingredient pseudoephedrine (PSE) off store shelves and placing them behind the pharmacy or customer service counter. This legislation will make it harder to find longer lasting allergy and cold decongestants. Interestingly, many allergy and cold sufferers surveyed were unaware of the changes both in the law and on the shelf product reformulations.

Some how I can't image this deterring any real drug dealers out there.

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Tuesday, Already?

Yup, it's Tuesday already. I'm back to writing in my food diary. I'm still not thrilled about it, but I am better, adding more 'thoughts' and not just, 'crackers, 100 calories." But, nope, didn't lose anything this week. In fact, I'm up 1/2 a lb.

While I was pretty good at staying around 1700 calories, I've been just awful at keeping up with my exercise, and so I know this is the price I'm paying. Past experience has told me that even if I were to starve myself, dieting (for me) doesn't really work unless I workout too. But, I'm not totally discouraged. I did write in my food diary every day, and I did stick to eating prety well 99% of the week. That, at least, I will take as some progress.

Dear Diary, I Hate You

This has not been a good week. Things started to go downhill last Saturday when my DH had this brilliant idea of using large scallops he got at Sam's and dinner rolls to make little mini-scallop burgers. He marinated various scallops in various sauces, sauteed them, and then we garnished the rolls with a mixture of condiments.

I was being bad that day, so I didn't write down anything in my food journal. What's the point?

On and off throughout the week, I attempted to write things down again like I have been for the past few weeks, but for whatever reason, I just never managed to stick with it.

Knowing that weigh-in day is tomorrow, I called C. and explained my latest hurdle, and really, this has been one that I've had issues with forever. I really hate keeping a food journal.

"But," she protested, "You are a writer. This is what you do."

"Keeping a list of food and calories is not writing."

Then she put on her shrink hat and told me that I need to figure out a way to make it into something other than just writing a list of food. Make it a personal journal, a scrapbook, something that I would want to do.

"Yah, yah, yah," and I told her I'd think about it.

At first, I poo-pooed the idea because along with hating to write down my food, I am also not a big fan of writing long hand. I just don't do it very often, and since I write so much, I have trained myself to write on a keyboard. But, hardcopy journals are way more easier to drop into your purse, especially when you have a CLJ that doesn't allow you to use a computer for anything that could be considered "personal" use.

So, I thought about it today, and I think I have what I hope is a solution to my distain for the food diary. I dabble in paper arts, alterted books and such, so I have a small collection of paper-what-nots, stickers, decorations, etc. I went into my stash and pulled out some pretty stickers I've been hoarding for no real reason and decorated a few pages of my journal. Then I added a few thoughts like, "this sucks," and "I burnt my tongue on my lean cuisine pizza today." I will admit it was much better, but we'll see. Maybe I'm onto something here, a food dairy slash art project.

Pasta Diet

Someone sent me this via email, and I thought it was funny.

ITALIAN PASTA DIET -- IT REALLY WORKS !!
1. You walka pasta da bakery.
2. You walka pasta da candy store.
3. You walka pasta da Ice Cream shop.
4. You walka pasta da table and fridge.

You will lose weight!
And...
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

> >> >CONCLUSION> >> >

Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Tuesday Weigh-In 05/08/07

I had my official Tuesday weigh-in and considering I've had tummy problems since Saturday, I'm not too upset with gaining 0.2 lbs. Hey, it could have been 2 whole pounds versus tenths!

I'm not sure if I've been fighting off a stomach thing that's been going around at my CLJ or if it's that I've increased my fiber intake and have not been taking in enough liquids.

The latter is C.'s take on it. But, I'm feeling a lot better and hope to actually get a short work out in today. Just in case, I've made myself a huge thing of ice-tea and plan to try to be more conscience about drinking. C. is right to some extent. I have not been very good about drinking as much as I should (at least beverages other than wine :) , and I have been eating at least a salad a day (before my Saturday problems started). Now that things have settled down in tummy-town, hopefully this ice-tea thing will take care of that and I can try to get another pound off this week.

Breakfast at Bob's

A friend of mine whom I haven't seen in forever wants to have breakfast with me next week. I told her I'd lost a few pounds, and where does she want to eat? Bob Evans!

I know C. would be flipping out if I told her, but I think I can do this. In fact, last discussion with C. we talked about eating out. She says she just can't do it and lose weight. Me? I like to eat out, and I don't do it often. What I've been trying to teach myself to do, though, is not treat every time I eat out like some sort of special event, thus allowing myself to pig out (okay, my anniversary was special, but that comes once a year).

Part of me wonders if my breakfast friend subconsciously is trying to sabotage my diet. She's bummed about her weight, so even though I've only lost 2 messly pounds, she can't help but think of the most fattening place on the face of the Earth to eat.

But, I went to the BE web site and looked around. As I suspected, it doesn't look good, but I think I can get away with hot tea, water, an English muffin, and an egg or two. That would be filling but not way over the top. Actually, eggs are great because they are not real high in calories and their protein is wonderful.

Right now, that's my plan for breakfast at Bob's. On a good note, it will be after my weigh-in day, thus hopefully, I'll have some extra insentive to be good.

DNA with Dr.Hsien-Hsien Lei

Fellow pro-blogger Dr. Hsien-Hsien Lei has recently announced the birth of a new blog, Eye on DNA, and I just wanted to wish her the best of luck. Lei or Hsien, as some people call her, is a great writer who can really break down some intense scientific mumbo jumbo into verbiage that the average person can understand.

While it may not seem like DNA is related to fighting fat after 40, it actually has a lot more to do with it than you can image. I think many of us are predestined to a certain degree. Like it or not, as much as we can fight off the battle of the bulge, a lot of comes down to our genes and what our ancestors bestowed upon us, the good, the bad, and the fat.

Smart Snacking, I Hope

Two of my three classes are over with, and I just have to give a final (and grade the final, calculate, and upload of course), and then I'm done with class number three. This third class is my only traditional "in the classroom" class because my other two were web-based. Because of that and the fact that for the most part this has been a wonderful group of students - all women - nine total - and all but one really worked hard for me this semester - I wanted to treat them while they take their final, sort of ease the tension a little because I know they'll be totally freaked.

So today while shopping I had to figure out what I could get them that would not impact my diet. Obviously, these snacks are really for them, but I don't want to bring something that will tempt me, even if I only nibble.

As I strolled down the snack isle, past the Oreos, the Yo-Yos, the yummy wedding cookie with the white powdered sugar...well, you get the picture...I had to find what I'm calling "smart snacking." One wonderful find was a box of individually wrapped bags of gold fish crackers, nine a bunch. Ah, nine students, nine little bags, this was good!

But, I needed cookies too. I remembered that one student didn't like chocolate (I know, weird, yes), so I found a box of tea cookies; something like ten cookies only have 140 calories. Excellent!

Finally, for the chocolate lovers, I opted for a zip lock bag of Famous Amos chocolate chip cookies. Again, calorie count wasn't killer, but even better, they zipped up so if there are any left I can easily hand them to a student to bring home to one of her children.

I've really enjoyed this class. Most of the students were in my class last semester and have just been a wonderful way for me to return to teaching after stopping for about a year so I could write my dissertation. They are all so eager to learn and serious about school, so different than most of my web students who turned in just about every assignment late and had more excuses than you could imagine.

I remember one class when I was explaining how to find good sources for a research paper they were working on, and I mentioned the difference between something like People magazine and a peer reviewed journal. I told them that they were scholars now, so they had to be very particular about what they used to support their analysis. One woman's eyes just popped open when I said that. The look on her face was "Me, a scholar?" And, then she sort of sat up straight in her chair and looked right back at me, so proud of herself, as well she should be.

Young Dancer Needs Your Vote!

Ah, to be young again! This is my 17 year old niece demonstrating a number of dance methods including ballet, jazz, and tap. In fact, at the end of this video she has some wicked tap going on!

View it here and then go to Youth Noise to vote. She also has it posted there, but the quality isn't as good I don't think. Look for the stars at the bottom of the page once you get there and click to add your vote.

I know I'm totally prejudice, but I've viewed a number of the videos that are at the top now, and I think she beat them big time!

Shocked & Amazed

I came this close to not stepping on the scale today, even though I promised that Tuesdays would be my weigh-in day.

First, there was our anniversary dinner on Saturday night. Though I had plans to try not to leave there totally stuffed, I also knew this was going to be really hard, so I kept my calorie count down to about 500 before going to dinner that evening, living off of a little fruit and vegies most of the day. And, as I had predicted, even with bringing half of my entree home (macadamia nut encrusted snapper with vegies and rosemary infused potatoes), I still managed to feel like I needed someone to carry me out to the car.

So, okay, then back on track on Sunday. I did eat my leftovers, but other than that, I again relied on vegies and fruit to keep everything else low. I even skipped my one real glass of OJ for the week. (heavy sigh)

Monday, again I'm back on track. This day was our actual anniversary - 4/30 - celebrating 19 years - Wow! But I was good and by about 7p.m. had only taken in around 1,000 calories. C. also had suggested upping my water in-take to counter balance my Saturday fling, which I did. Thank goodness, too, because my adorable DH came home with German wine and yummy cheeses to sample.

So, that's why this a.m., as I rolled out of bed, it came to mind that maybe I should skip the weigh-in. I really expected bad news. In fact, as I planted my tootsies on the scale, I was thinking, "Just don't let me have gained anything, and I'll be thrilled."

But, no! I actually lost 2.4 lbs! Yes, I'm still in shock.

I went back to my food journal to see when I seriously started all of this and it dates back to 4/19, so that's 12 days, just shy of two weeks. It is still sinking in. This is actually working, even with my occasional tumbles off the wagon. My goal for the month of May is to get 5lbs off. That's about 1lb a week, so I think I can do it.

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No Hoochie Koochie Today

I'm at about a week now writing down my food and trying to keep the calories down under 1700. I weighed in Tuesday, and I called C. and reported. Granted, I could drive all the way to her house, and she even offered to charge me $10 just like Weight Watchers, but I figured I'd just call and report once a week. I have been fighting (sometimes unsuccessfully) the urge to step on the scale every day. It's just too depressing, but today I noticed that getting my pants zipped did not require me to do a major hoochie koochie dance around my bedroom. So, hopefully I'll see some progress when I weigh-in again on Tuesday.

I already know that my calorie in-take is not significantly low enough for me to see major results, so I'm bracing myself to not see much of a difference on Tuesday. While I may have cut back my calorie in-take by 300 to 500 calories, in the grand scheme of things, that is not a ton. That's why when I used to do WW and cut my calorie in-take from a little over 2,000 down to 1,200 I would see about a five pound loss in the first week. That is tempting...but I have to keep reminding myself that I'm in this for the long haul. I'm looking for long-term, sustainable progress versus short term gains.


On a similar note, when I spoke with C. recently I finally talked her into upping her calories a little, reminding her of the voo-doo she was doing to her metabolism, the very thing she has warned me about over and over again. She admitted that after increasing it by a few hundred calories, she wasn't nearly as hungry and she still managed to get another 1/2 pound off. I felt like the student teaching the teacher, but ha! I was right!
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Polishing My Crystal Ball

It's just about the end of the semester for all three classes I'm teaching. Two are web classes I teach through a junior college and the third is in a traditional classroom setting at a small branch campus of a private university. However, while in many respects the students are totally different (even though all of the classes are English related subjects), they share one thing: about this time of the semester I start getting asked to look into my crystal ball and tell each student his/her grade.

Usually the requests starts with something like, "I need to get an A in this class" followed by "Can you tell me my grade?"

Of course, this is before all their work as been submitted let alone graded. (I'm still working on my other magic trick of grading work that hasn't actually been sent to me yet.)

I imagine they envision me constantly typing in numbers into my spread sheets so I have an up to the minute number for their grades. But, the ugly truth is that I usually wait to do all the icky math stuff because not all students make it through the end of the semester. My web classes, especially, have a very high drop out rate. Heck, it's not usual for me to never, ever hear from a number of them. For whatever reason, they've signed up but never actually log onto the class. Again, I have no magic trick up my sleeve to help them.

So, what do I tell these students "who really need an A" at this point in the semester with only a week or so to go? I refer them to the syllabus which clearly lists all the percentages for each assignment. Then I suggest that they do a wonderful job on the final exam to help bring their grade up if necessary.

I know this sounds very cruel and cold to them, especially via email. But, obviously, I have to protect myself. I cannot predict any one's performance and I am far from a math wizard who can calculate grades in my head without the help of good old Excel.

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Anti-Frumping Tips

I had a girlfriend in college many years ago, S., who told me about how she lived with a British dude in the UK for about a year. S. was crazy about him, even though he yelled at her for using too much toilet paper and his friends thought she was a tramp because she ordered a whole pint versus a half pint of beer when they went to the local pub.

With all this, though, she was ga-ga over this guy, so one of the things she used to do was wake up a few minutes before him every morning and apply a little rouge and mascara and slip back into bed beside him, thus giving the impression that she naturally woke up looking gorgeous (and she was...I'm sure still is a very pretty woman) every morning.

Now, I am not ready to go to these lengths, but this story came to mind recently after my epiphany in front of the freezer the other day. Therefore, in my recent efforts to avoid looking like a fat old frump when DH comes home, I've come up with a few tips.

• About an hour or so before he comes home, I take a sort of personal inventory and de-frump as necessary. For example, I dab on a little make-up, add a few pieces of jewelry, change the baggy, stained t-shirt for a shirt that actually hangs in my closet, find anything but my track pants to wear, brush my hair, etc.
• It's too depressing to go shopping, and as it is I have no time and have never been much of a shopper (I want the clothes in my closet; I just don't want to go get them), so I ordered a few shirts and a pair of denim capris from L.L. Bean.
• I hold off on getting the PJs on until closer to bed time. I'm also considering...maybe when next pay day rolls around...of getting some actual nighties that have matching tops and bottoms. I'm not talking Victoria Secret or anything, but something other than the baggy drawstring pants I got form Sam's and the old About.com t-shirts I normally wear.

Generally speaking too, as D. commented recently, I've noticed I feel better during the day when I don't start out so frumpy. It is amazing how your own appearance can affect your attitude. Look like a frump - feel like a frump - look put together - feel put together.

Muscle Mamma

While I use hand weight when doing my Walk Away the Pounds - Leslie SansoneDVDs, that's about it. They are just your basic 2lb weights. I don't have her idiotic looking weighted balls or wacky belt thing she uses in one of the other DVDs I've got from her, but I definitely notice a difference when using my hand weights. It bumps up the intensity of the whole exercise. That said, the other day, it occurred to me that I'm probably at the stage where I can add on to the whole weight thing, especially considering my age and the issues we old ladies have with osteoporosis. This was confirmed when I spoke with a friend of mine, CM, at my CLJ who does personal training on the side.

I was telling her about how C. is not only struggling to get those last two before the holidays pounds off but that even with that off she's noticed that her hips are an inch larger than before. Two pounds obviously aint gonna equal an inch - no way - no how.

CM asked me if C. was working out with weights at all because she said that this would make a difference since cardio can burn fat but if you aren't careful you can burn muscle too. Weight training will tighten up areas and build the muscle she needs to squeeze back into those size 6s.

Armed with this new information, I called C. that night and reported. Come to find out, C. had not been doing weights over the past few months until she realized just a few days previous to my call that she'd been doing that before the 10lb addition. Just with all the traveling she'd been doing, she wasn't able to do her weight routine. Then once back at home, she had spaced and was just trying to do cardio like a mad woman. She also cut back to 1400 calories a day.

I argued with her a little about how she's always on me about keeping calories too low and how it can f-up your metabolism, but she is so desperate she just can't stand not wearing her clothes and she will not buy any size 8s. She's got one pair of pants she got at Chicos and a few dresses and that's it. Fashion be damned!

This whole story brought home the idea that I'm ready to take on a little weight training, and I mean little because while my *ss is huge, my arms are pretty much sticks still. Wiggly sticks, but still very little meat on them, so I'll have to take it slowly. However, I plan on my errands/groceries day to stop by Wal-fart and pick up some 5lb dumb bells. Hopefully, I can manage to carry them out of the store without hurting myself.

Geneen Roth's Take

Upon the advice of one of my readers, I took at look at Geneen Roths' book, When You Eat at the Refrigerator, Pull Up a Chair,and while I don't think I'm one of the people she is talking about, I did find a few tid bits of helpful information. Actually, it reinforced something I have been thinking about lately.

First, here's my take on Roth's take: She's really writing (it seems) for people who have some major control issues. I'm not talking about eating that piece of cake that shows up in the brake room or even that extra slice of pizza at lunch. Roth talks about people who stand in front of their frig and stuff whatever they see into their mouths or people who eat an entire bag of chocolate chip cooks while hiding in the closet. These people have major emotional "hunger" issues, not your basic, I'm full so stop eating issues or I just feel like snacking, which is where I feel fits me a little better.

That said, however, her main message is that people who have weight issues (no matter how big or small) often are just plain old not nice to themselves, and we need to be nice, to cut ourselves some slack now and then rather than consider ourselves bad people. That's a message I can totally relate to, and here's why....

As I mentioned in a previous post, my DH gingerly asked me if I was planning on returning to WW. As he said this, I was holding open the freezer door displaying my latest stash of WW frozen dinners. My assemble consisted of an old stained t-shirt with cat hair all over it; a ratty over sized sweater that didn't match anything else I was wearing; a pair of elasto-waist pants I'd gotten for $5 at the drug store; and my haute-couture kitty cat slippers. My hair on this special occasion was flipped up in an elastic band half up and half down, and need I mention that I had zero make up and had a zit on my right cheek?

To say I felt fat and old is sort of an understatement. And, of course, poor DH had no idea of the arrow he had zigged at my heart with his innocent question.

Standing there with the freezer door open, his comments in the air like we were in a cartoon, I felt the fog lift a little. We are getting ready to celebrate our 19th wedding anniversary, and since I work at home 4 days a week and I usually leave after him on the days I do work, this is how this man, my husband, normally sees me on a day-t0-day basis! I look like crap! I feel like crap!

After closing the door and calmly replying to him that I was seriously thinking about WW but hadn't made up my mind yet, I resolved that no matter how fat and how 40 I was, I was not going to look like this again in front of him. He deserved better...and even more...so do I. Just because I don't want to buy more "fat" clothes does not mean I have to look like a homeless person....in my home!

And, back to Geneen Roth, this is something she pretty much says (among many other things), that we need to feel good about ourselves no matter what our size. Now, I'm not saying that I plan to dress up in an evening gown to go grocery shopping, though I'm sure Mr. Sushi-Guy would give me a few extra pieces of my favorite crab roll if I did, but I can still look more "put together," and thus maybe feel more together in general.

Why Librarians Are Fat

After loading up my freezer with Weight Watcher frozen dinners, recently on sale for 50% off, my husband gingerly asked me, "So, what's the deal? Are you back on Weight Watchers?" (Did I noticed a hopeful tone to his voice?)

This brought out the little black book and my writing down what I eat again, and I've been so good for the past few days. Then I arrive at my CLJ today to find the following: 3 small candy bars on my desk; 3 half-eaten bags of chips and leftover cake in the breakroom; and two bags of donut holes in circulation. What the *ell?!!

Why is it that everyone at work seems to want to sabotage your diet? Sunday when I worked, it was a clerk's birthday. This brought out the birthday cake and pizza. Monday a coworker made yet another cake and brought it in. She didn't want her family to eat it because they all need to lose a few pounds. Of course, she's a stick (she smokes) and so decides to bring it in to work to protect her children from gaining more weight.

Why do people feel a need to do this? Is it because work sucks so we use food as a way to get through the day?

(Image from Speedbump)

Middle Age? Moi?

Today I was working at my crappy library job (from now on referred to as CLJ), and the other librarian working in reference with me started telling me a story.

R. just moved to the area recently from Hawaii and was proceeding to tell me how rude she thought people were around here. (This, BTW, does not include the rude members of the reference staff at this particular CLJ, which poor thing has also been shocked to discover after only working here a month.)

Of course, typical true Floridian that I am, I tried to blame most of the bad behavior on Yankees who are transplants down here and don't know any better. Everything is better up in New York or Wherever, etc. etc. And they enjoy telling us poor, stupid Floridians this at any possible occasion.

So, R. continues to illustrate her point and begins with, "This lady, she was, you know, middle aged, around 40..."

I stopped her, "40! Middle aged!?"

"Yes," R. replied.

Then I went onto explain to this not even 30-something child that 40 is not middle age. That middle age doesn't even start until...er...50....er...no...55...yes...at least 55 before it even starts!

She looks at me like "oh, crap, she's just as crazy as my insane supervisor!" and then I explain to her that I'm 43. She tells me she thought I was in my 30s, apologizes, and continues.

But, I'm still a little rattled. I mean, really. People live into their 100s today, so no way is 40 middle age!

Threw the Internet

Ahh...sometimes you just have to laugh when it comes to teaching; otherwise, you'd (meaning me) go crazy.

Yesterday, I had to work all day at my crappy library job. When I got home, I had a mailbox full of papers to grade for one of the on-line classes I'm teaching. I tried to get through the essays that were drafts or outlines first because I was just too tired to do any real grading. When I opened up one email from a student who has been late on every single assignment this semester (his email was marked urgent!), I read something to the affect of, "Dr. P. Please read my attached outline and draft as soon as possible so that I'm not late with the final essay."

Ah, okay, so if I don't read this right now, then this poor guy is going to be late, and it is going to be all my fault!

I stopped, took a sip of my wine, and realized it was 8:30 (I was at work from 9-6) and time for me to stop working.

So, this morning I feel more pity for this student and decide to look at his paper right away. A quick glance at the outline shows that his thesis sentence is a fragment. I close the document. Why even look? He's already gone to the draft.

I open up the draft and start to read: comma splice...mark it....missing comma after intro clause...mark it... and then I get to a sentence (again, I'm paraphrasing here), "Threw the internet I have learned a lot, even more than when I watch television or go to school."

Hey, he did spell "a lot" correctly!

Back to More Exercising

No big surprise, I still find I continue to have trouble writing down my calorie intake. I just don't like to do it, period, the end, don't like!!!

S0, I'm back to trying to exercise more, preferably 2 times a day when possible. Right now, that means, if I'm lucky, 30 minutes in the morning and 30 minutes in the evening. Hopefully, I can ramp this up as time goes on. I was doing really well with this strategy for awhile, at least as far as doing it regularly if not actually having the lbs melt off of my body, and then I got sick, and it's as usual back to square one.

Oh, and I'm wondering...Is housework...as in cleaning...considered exercise? I'm thinking it does. I cleaned up my bead corner the other day, and I was exhausted. Then there's lugging around my 500lb. vacuum cleaner. Weight lifting, maybe?

I'll have to think about that some more. Right now, it's still back to Walk Away the Pounds with Leslie.

Will We Ever Be Happy?

I mentioned to C. the other day that we should do lunch again with a mutal friend of ours. The three of us haven't gotten together in a while, and this other person, J. had been emailing me about a get together, which I thought was a nice idea. We are all bead buddies, and it's nice to hang with those in the bead-know sometimes.

When I told C. this, she said, yes, but we need to do something other than eat. She was losing her 10lbs now, doing well, and just can't bring herself to go out to eat, even salad bars are off limits. Eventually, she suggested we bring lunch to her house, whatever we wanted to eat at least, while she at her own food, which from what I gather often consists of an entire bag of frozen broccoli, no butter of course.

Then she went on to tell me about how she still wants to get down to 125 lbs. Right now, she's on the edge of getting back down to the 130s, which means her size 6s again, which to me means she looks great. I started to hear the same wacko comments of hers, and I know once she gets down to the 130s, she's going to start in with the "I want to be a size 4" thing again.

I tried to reason with her. At size 6, even at her 5'2" frame, she looked fabulous, and hey, it wasn't easy to mantain, as she so well knows now. So, what gives? Will she, will any of us, ever manage to be happy, even when we finally meet our goals? Is it enough?

Needles are NBD

Well, I have to take it all back. My husband is not a needle wimp. In fact, he has really stepped up and been the first of both of us to give my kitty his shot solo. I'm going to attempt it on my own tonight. Kitty has been so good. He's getting eye goop put in his eyes for an infection along with liquid antibiotics 2xs a day, and now shots 2xs a day...such a trooper.

But, the needles are really tiny. I honestly don't think he feels a thing. The hardest part - and this is where he takes after moi - is the not eating for 12 hours. He can only have one meal ever 12 hours, so that means nothing in between. The vet said I could maybe give him a kibble or two to just fake him out, but if we have issues with the insulin not working, then I'll even have to cut that out.

But, otherwise, the shot issue has not been that big of a deal.

But Will You Charge Me $10?

So, as suspected, C. has started to lose that 10 lbs. she gained, and with the weight loss comes her usual opinions of Weight Watchers. I knew it would come at some point. It just took her a half a pound before she started in on me about how WW is all set up to take your money, that they really have no intention of helping anyone permanently lose weight because if they did so they wouldn't have suckers like me going back time after time to get the weight back off.

Of course, I protested a little: "But, the weigh-ins make me more accountable."

"You want to get weighed in every week? Come to my house and I'll make you stand on my scale!"

"But, will you charge me $10?"

Diabetes in the Family

Like myself, one of my cats (I've got 3 now) has always fought the battle of the bulge. Over the past few years, though, he has made a lot of progress and slimmed down. I put him on Science Diet r/d and was very careful about measuring out his daily dose of food. In fact, all three of my cats have to eat different food, and two of the three have had weight issues, so I have ended up measuring out and putting each cat's food in a jar with her/his name on it every day. They eat what's in the jar, and that's it, except for my one skinny cat who has discovered the benefits of barfing after every meal. I've got food up on a file cabinet for him b/c he's the only one skinny enough to jump up that high.

Unfortunately, my efforts may have not been enough for one of my cats who was just diagnosed with diabetes. Today my husband and I will meet with the vet and learn how to start giving him twice daily injections of insulin. I've done some reading up on it, and I'm pretty prepared for what we will have to do, but I'm afraid my husband is still in La La Land.

We have to feed and give his shots every 12 hours. And that means on the dot, not 12 1/2 hours or 10 hours, but 12. Period. My husband, M., is under the impressions that as long as it's done twice a day we'll be fine. He has this image of us doing it togther, him holding the cat me poking him with the needle. Of course, this is not a realistic picture because due to our work and life demands, mainly work actually, there's no way we will both be around at the same time in 12 hours incriments every single day.

This means we both will need to learn to give the shots solo. I've hinted at this, but I thought it best to just let the doctor drill it into his brain. While I'm not thrilled about giving my cat shots, I've had a lot of experience with older animals and have had to do all kinds of scray stuff to keep them comfortable in their later years. But, I've usually managed to keep M. out of it as much as possible b/c, well, he's a whimp when it comes to this kind of thing. So, I'm really more concerned about dealing with his freaking out (which I expect to happen today) than I am about giving my poor cat shots.

Wa, Wa, Wa

After my pity party earlier, I decided to listen to my horoscope and become "creative" today. First I caught up on all my blogging work and got my newsletter done for my About.com site. Then, I spent some time on my next jewelry book proposal and I'm already on page 8! So there!

I also emailed someone I know who knows someone that might be interested in my book, and if I keep this up, I might actually get this baby to them in a few weeks. Of course, there's some jewelry to make, but some of it I already have at this stage. So things are looking up. I'm not going to let one publisher get to me. Hello! I've got 5 books published arleady, sucka! (Rocky theme song plays in the background...)

A Week of Rejection

My horoscope said I would be extra creative today, but instead I feel extra dissapointed. It's been a week of rejections for me. First, I found out that a book deal I thought I might get was given to another writer. Why? I'm not sure, and it's not really one of those things you can ask. I'm trying not to take it personally, but it's hard when you have this big long discussion with an editor one day about it only to hear a few months later that another writer got the project.

Following this, I got the rejection letter for a teaching job I interviewed for. Granted, it was kind of a relief because I was getting cold feet about taking it and was wondering how I was going to gracefully decline if I should get it, but still, it's another rejection.

These are the sort of things that can really play your with head and bring in all kinds of self-doubts; those chattering monkeys start to get really loud.

Another Day

I had lunch yesterday with C., chowed at the Ruby Tuesday salad bar. She is totally freaking because since December she's gained 10 lbs. Of course, she has also traveled a lot, mainly due to her son's wedding, ending up making multiple trips to meet relatives and then finally spending a week in the Bahamas for the wedding. I, of course, felt badly for her, but I also tried to remind her of how far she's come. Yes, she may be up to a size 8 now, but that's a far cry from the size 28 she was wearing 6+ years ago.

As we munched on salad, I confessed to her that I was seriously considering returning to Weight Watchers. Yes, it would be a short term solution, but I was willing to live with that if it meant I could get my weight off in four or so months. Normally, she would have tried to talk me out of it and tell me that I could do it myself, but in her present situation, she sort of shrugged her shoulders. Still just talking with her helped, and I realized I need to give it one more effort before I start paying a company to stand on its scale every week. Maybe I will end up returning because accountability is a powerful tool when dieting, but it's not like I don't know how to do this. So, here's to a new day. I'm going to give myself about a month. If I don't manage to lose something by the end of April, then it's back to WW.

I Yam What I Yam

About a week or so after my interview, I started getting major cold feet about saying "yes," if I'm offered the job. Even with the low pay, which I could deal with, it is the driving. It would be intense. The longer I have to think about it, the more I have to wonder if it would really be worth it. So, I emailed an ex-instructor of mine and asked her flat out, "If I took this job, would it remove the stain of adjuncting from my CV? Or is that a lost cause?"

Her answers were pretty much what I expect: "No" and "No." Of course, she put it much more eloquently than that. She basically said that I am what I am. I have a wide range of experience, some academic and some not, and the right employer would acknowledge that and the wrong employer wouldn't.

Other than the fact that adjuncts are treated like second-class citizens, these questions also came from an experience I had once when a college administrator told me that my 10+ years of teach a min. of 2 college classes a semester didn't count as real teaching experience. Now, if I had a couple of full-time years as, say, a high school teacher, that would count. But what I was doing? Nope. I tried to reason with him that what he said just didn't make sense to me. How could all of those classes I've taught not count? How could someone who has never taught a college class at all be considered more experienced than I was?

"That's just the way it is," he told me.

So, I bought into his retarded reasoning. Now, after thinking about it and getting her encouraging email response, I realize I am lucky I never really worked for that administrator. It would not have been the right job for me because he immediately had the attitude that I didn't measure up because I came from Adjunct Land.

Before receiving her response, I had just about convinced myself that I was not going to take the job if offered. I love the school and the people that work there, and I'm sure the teaching experience wouldn't hurt my CV, but I think I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing and see what happens.

Blogging 101 Class

All of my comp. classes will end around early May, and I will be leaving the library in June, so I was under the impression for awhile that I might have a slow summer, and slow also means less money when you are a contract worker. Coincidentally, I was contacted a little while ago by someone from the local jr. college's lifelong learning institute, one of those places where mature adults take classes for fun. They aren't for college credit, but they are a notch above adult ed.

So, this idea popped into my head: why not teach a class on blogging? While I hesitate to call myself an expert, I have been doing it professionally for a couple of years now (and that's not counting my About.com site). I contacted the program director, and not only did she love the idea, it happens that she has had members request a class on this. Wham, bam, thank you Mame, I'm scheduled to teach two basic blogging classes this summer, one in May and one in June (no classes will be offered in July/Aug.)

One of the things I like about teaching is that it is an excuse to learn. As a teacher, you need to be prepared, and that means research. So, I've started doing a lot of reading about blogging (more than usual) and I also started a new blog over at Word Press just for the class called Blog Class Info. I'm going to use it to store my handouts and stuff for the class, and this way I have a place to store the materials. I was thinking of having my students set up a blog there, but now that I've done it (I'm still messing with it, so it's kind of under construction at this point), I think blogger is a little more user-friendly. I can't even begin to explain how much I hate WPs help documentation.

Soooo....while doing my research I've made a few changes to this blog as well. I figured out how to create categories, or as blogger calls them, labels. I also have my archives set up a little differently, and you'll see my new sexy avatar has been added.

Story Contest

One of my web writing buddies, Jo, is running a short story contest over at her blog, As the Romans Do. Entries should some how be connected to Italy:

I'm looking for short stories connected to Italy in some way. You're story could be based in Italy or have Italian people in it. Use you're imagination.

Find out the details over at As the Romans Do.

Eating Sour Grapes?

Now that my latest jewelry book is out, I have to wonder if I'm already starting to reap some karma from an as-yet unpublished book review I just sent off to a electronic-based journal. In fact, the review editor actually asked me if I was sure about my review and I ended up toning it down a little, but still, I did come out and say that I didn't like the book. His suggestion to me was that some day I may meet this author, maybe even in relation to a possible teaching job, and of course, this could make things difficult for me in the future.

I stuck to my guns though. While there is a slim chance of the above happening, as I told him, I would be more concerned about hurting the author's feelings than whether or not I got a ding for a job. Some of this is due to the fact that I'm not in a position to just up and move for any kind of job, now or in the near future. Even with the Dr. now, I pretty much have to stay in my own backyard. However, as a writer myself, who has had a few bad reviews on books, I have to admit...it does hurt...it does sting.

So, now to my real point. Okay, I send this review off, and wouldn't you know it, I see on Amazon.com that someone has reviewed my last jewelry book....and given it two freaking stars! Part of me wonders if this person (who doesn't post with a real name) was an artist whose work was not accepted for the book (which includes a total of 26 artists) and was thus "getting back" at me. Even then, the stain is there, and it stings, and I'm feeling like I must be getting some payback already before my review has even hit the screen.

Got Diss!

Finally, after months of waiting, I got the bound copy of my dissertation in the mail today. I sent this in for binding even before I graduated, around mid-November, and according to the paperwork I filled out it was going to take six to eight weeks. Yeah, uh, it's, like, mid-March folks!

I almost decided not to bind it because, arrogant fat chick that I am, I plan to have someone really publish this some day, a big highfalutin publishing house like MIT of course. But I had so many family members that wanted a copy, and now-a-days you send the final in as an electronic file. Most people want a hard copy to read, so I plunked down the cash to have 8 copies made for people like my parents and sisters. Hopefully, after reading it, they don't think I'm any more crazy than they already think I am. Even my husband says he will now read it since I gave him a copy too.

Funny how it looks so small now that is is bound. It is hard to believe it took me a year to write those 207 pages!

New Blog?

Since starting to read Will Richardson's book, it didn't take me long to realize I need to put together a blog for all the classes I'm teaching. It was sort of a 'duh' moment when he suggested that blogs are handy for creating class portals, places where you can store handouts, writing assignments, etc. for classes. Because I'm at two different schools and teach on the web and in the classroom, I realized this would be a great way to create my only little spot on the web for all my classes to access.

Since I'm a writer, I'm very into writing handouts. So even if all the assignments aren't the same for all the classes I teach, if nothing else I can have those available for all my students.

Now, what to name it? I need something snappy, yet not too long, and not to hard to remember either. Here are a few ideas I have so far (and I haven't gone as far to see if these are even available or not):

Write 4 Dr. P
Write Gooder
Dr. Powley Teaches
Dr. P Teaches
Write Here
Writing is...
Writing is Rewriting
Writing in Cement

hmmmm....I'm open to suggestions. Anyone who comes up with a cool blog name is gets extra credit!

New Blog Book for Teachers

I've been doing some research on blogs for a few reasons. First, there's this article I'm writing for a journal that I hope is accepted, but I'm also working on a Basic Blogging class I'll be teaching this summer at the local lifelong learning institute. (more on that later)

I pulled up the catalog at work the other day to see if we had any new books on blogging, and voila, I found Blogs, Wikis, Podcasts, and Other Powerful Web Tools for Classrooms. It is written by Will Richardson, who just happens to write a blog I discovered about a week ago on the same subject, Wedlogg-ed. I'm only a little way into the book, but it looks promising.

As it happens, this semseter I have one of my web classes doing a project where they are encouraged to use blogs or other electronic forms of communication. I'm hoping I get inspired and come up with some other interesting blog-related ideas for school.

Where B U?

My 6 loyal readers are probably wondering where is fatand40? What is she doing? Why isn't she here blogging?

This is my "fun" place to blog, which means it is not one of my blog-for-pay sites. (Unless you count the five cents I'll make this year off the google ad I finally added.) So, that means, it is way down on my priority list, but here's a catch up of my life in general....

• I've been blogging/writing for my paying blog/sites.
• I went to a job interview for a full-time teaching gig, at a university no less. I won't know one way or the other until the end of the month, so that gives me a few weeks of sleepless nights trying to figure out if I really want the job or not or will I even get it. (It means some killer driving and low pay, but could help wipe out the "adjunct" blight from my CV.)
• I've been grading papers for the three classes I'm teaching, one of which just ended, another to start up tonight. Oy!
• I'm talking with a local college about teaching a class on blogging...yes, cool, no? (It's not for credit but it would be for cash, and plus, I love turning people on to the blogosphere.)
• I'm working on a proposal for an MLA thingy. Yes, me on a plane and maybe at MLA. The country mouse comes to mind.
• I just finished a book review for an academic journal who turned around and asked me to rewrite it...one thing off and then back on my plate! (And I don't even like this darn book!)
• I'm working on an article about women webloggers which I hope will get accepted at a journal in a month or so.
• I sent in a brief proposal to my jewelry book editor who is too busy to look at it now, so I have wait. (ugh)
• My diet? Not so good, but not so bad. I still have a time with counting those calories, and I know I really need to.
• My exercise? I'm still at it, daily if not a few times a day. I see little to no change, but it wasn't like a was a total couch potato before. I keep reminding myself that it is good for me, even though I see no radical changes in my fat ass.

I could go on, but I think you get the drift.

Baghdad Burning

I've been working on an article about women's weblogging (obviously, this is not for Jewelry Crafts magazine ;), and during my research I discoverd a book called Baghdad Burning: Girl Blog from Iraq. I feel kind of out of it since there's actually a second book, Baghdad Burning II: More Girl Blog from Iraq (Women Writing the Middle East) out now. But, I still thought it worth blogging about because so far, everyone I've mentioned it to has not heard of either.

I'm going to admit that while I did not vote for Bush, I did originally buy into the whole WMD thing, and I was relieved after 9/11 to realize that we had a republican in the White House. Of course, had I owned a crystal ball at the time, I may not have felt the same way. It seemed so clear that all of those people "over there" where involved. And, like many Americans, I wanted someone to pay. Ironic that our soldiers along with the Iraq people, like the young woman who wrote this book, are the ones paying the price, yet they had nothing to do with it.

Any way, I don't plan to write about politics. I'm just not good at it, but I felt this book was worth talking about for other reasons besides the war. As a middle-class western woman, I found it interesting to read the other side of things from another woman "over there."

Shangri-La Diet Verdict

After about a solid week of attempting the Shangri-La Diet, I have to give it a thumbs down, at least for me. However, I did learn something pretty eye-opening, so I think it was a worthy experiment.

As I already mentioned, I found it very difficult to get four tablespoons of sugar water/oil in every day. It was something I constantly had to think about, and I realized if I'm going to put so much thought into something it should be the food I eat versus when I suck down a tablespoon of oil.

Another problem with this diet (for me) was the fact that if I left the house for any length of time, I had to remember to bring the oil/sugar, which in itself is not an easy thing to do. Even with a small bottle of oil, you have to be really careful no to make a mess with it.

So, does the diet work? Yes, actually, it did supress my appetite, which brings up the dumb lesson I learned: too often I eat when I'm not really hungry. There, I said it. Now, it's not like I didn't know this, but until I tried this diet and was ultra aware of when I was hungry and when I was not, I never realized how much I ate for no other reason than I like to eat.

As I result, I'm putting extra effort into not eating when I'm not hungry, especially at night, which is when I really have problems. So far, I've had a small amount of success with this. At least I feel I got something out of the Shangri-La diet. As C said, it is a gimmicky diet, and while I hate to admit she's right, it is back to the tried and true - keep exercising and count the calories. Ugh.

Happy Hearty Birthday

I just wanted to give out a "congrats" to Dr.Hsien-Hsien Lei over at A Hearty Life (which is posted on my blog roll BTW). Her blog about keeping your heart healthy is officially one year old!

As part of the celebration, she's donating to charity:

To celebrate A Hearty Life’s first anniversary, I will be donating US$1 per 1,000 page views for the month of March. In February, readers viewed over 50,000 pages. I hope to increase that even further this month and make a sizeable donation to the British Heart Foundation. I’ve selected the British Heart Foundation because I currently live in London, UK and want to donate to the community.

So I'm sending my thousands of readers your way, Lei!

Day 6...Sort Of

So, today is sort of, kind of, day 6 of the Shangri-La Diet. I say "sort of" because it's been very difficult to get all 4 servings of the oil or sugar water in every day.

For example, yesterday was a total diet bomb. Not that I ate a lot. Actually, the total opposite happened. I had to work at my crappy PT job and had planned to bring a little bag of sugar and a measuring spoon so I could do the sugar water thing. Before leaving, I managed one dose of oil, but then as I was driving in I realized I'd forgotten my sugar. So, no oil and no sugar for the 5-6 hours I was to be away. But, as it turned out, I wasn't that hungry and did really well all day. I had an okay breakfast and just had some low-fat yogurt and a few cheese sticks while at work, my lunch essentially.

Then it hit me - About 4pm (with an hour left of work to go), I got the most intense headache. Granted, I could blame it on the lack of food, but it wasn't like I felt hungry or I was shaking, which is usually what happens when I'm hungry - I get the shakes. Also, it hit right after a patron was giving me grief. Since I'd worked there all day the day before, this was patron pain-in-in-a** number 9,999.

"Is that book age appropriate for my child?!!" She screeched at me across the reference department.

And, GAZ-ING! - a pain just shot through my brain. That was it for me. I had one nerve left and that woman took it. I felt sorry for the next innocent patron that was going to ask me for the millionth time if the paper went face up or down in the photocopy machine.

Here's another issue with the sugar/oil. You have to have a one hour window before and after taking it in order to eat or drink anything that has flavor. That means if you are sipping an ice tea, for example, you can't take any of this stuff while you are sipping or it won't work. So, if you figure I need to take a total of 4 tbls a day, and the window is a total of 2 hours, 4x2 = 8 hours of no food or drink other than water.

It has made me wonder if that is really what this diet is all about.

Day 3 in Shangri-La

Today is day 3 for me on the Shangri-La diet. The past few days have been weird, gulping down olive oil and sipping my hot sugar water throughout the day. One thing that has been difficult is just remembering to do it b/c the books says to try to do one or the other an hour before and/or an hour after you eat. You should not take the oil or sugar while eating.

Also, I notice with the warm sugar water that it takes awhile to drink it down. He says, in fact, to try to make it last and digest it slowly. So, while I've been doing that, obviously, there's not be a lot of time to eat in between meals. Yesterday was not a typical day, so we'll see how it goes today b/c I'm home more.

Of course, my husband thinks I'm totally insane and that this is a bunch of BS, but after reading so many people on line (though many are men, granted) that this has worked for, I still feel like it's worth trying.

One thing I've noticed too before doing all of this is that I am basically a bottomless pit when it comes to food. Unless I eat a huge amount, say, for example, I go to a buffet, which I rarely do, then a simple meal does not fill me up. I just don't feel like I've had enough to eat. If I go out to lunch with coworkers, they are all holding their stomachs and complaining about being too full. I may eat the same thing and I could eat it all over again. So, that is my hope for this diet approach, I just want to eat and feel satisfied. Is that too much to ask?

Starting with Surgar Water

Okay, I've read some more of The Shangri-La Diet, and I think I'm going to give it a go. Today is grocery day, so I can get some ELOV today. After my Pria bar and tea breakfast, I downed 1/2 cup of warm water with a 1/2 Tbs of surgar. It wasn't as disgusting as I thought it would be.

According to the book, if I want to lose 20lbs, I need to take 1 Tbs of sugar and 1 Tbs of ELOV every day. For 20-40lbs (which is really what I need to lose), I need to double that. I'm going to first see if I can tolerate 1 Tbs of each a day and go from there. The book also says it takes a few days to kick in, so since this is Weds., I need to see if I can at least make it to the weekend, preferably through the weekend.

I'll keep you posted....

The Shangri-La Diet

My latest discovery is a book called The Shangri-La Dietby Dr. Seth Roberts. Basically, this book claims that you will be able to eat anything you want and lose weight. Of course, the reason for this is because you won't want to eat anything because your appetite will be diminished. How does he do this?

He suggests drinking small amounts of flavorless oil (such as extra light olive oil) and sugar water throughout the day. The result (he claims) will be that you will not get hungry. In fact, he goes so far as to say that you won't even be that interested in food at all.

Part of me thinks this is a great idea, and actually, I have often wanted to find something that would keep me from getting hungry, that magic pill if you will. One of the reasons I have trouble with a very low calorie diet is because I just don't feel like I get enough to eat. Therefore, Roberts' diet seems like a possible answer to this, and it's using regular things like oil and surgar, not some weird0 pill you get from the drug store.

On the flip side, I'm a foodie. I really like good food and good wine (as my spare tire can bare witness to). I'm not sure if I like the idea of not ever being interested in food again. I'm not even sure this could really be possible for me or if it a good thing. My tough-as-nails side says that I should be able to control my eating without the use of tricks like Roberts suggests.

But, I'm thinking about trying this. I asked a friend of mine who used to be a personal trainer (C.M. I'll refer to her from now on), and she confirmed that it will supress my appetite. So, I'm adding extra light olive oil to the grocery list.

Back to Counting

Okay, okay, I'm back to calorie counting starting today. Obviously, the work out like a maniac thing didn't work. Since getting sick, I'm still back to trying to get my stamina up enough for multiple workouts each day, and even a 30 minute one has not been all that easy. I'm doing it, but I can tell a difference from before getting sick and now.

Plus, stepping on the doctor's scale yesterday didn't help much. The news was not really anything worse than I already knew, but still - sobering.

Today is grocery day, so that means it is a good day to stock up on vegies and fruits that will hopefully keep me full and happy. The fruit this time of year is pretty sad, but I'm thinking, maybe, apples? It is fall, so apples should be fairly decent this time of year.

I'm going to start at 1800 calories and go down from there. I know that sounds high, but considering I eat at least 2000 to 2500 when I'm not dieting, then it's at least something, and it's not so daunting.

Other than my weight, which my doctor didn't even mention, I had a good bill of health. Of course, she is on me about getting a mammogram, which I didn't do last year. I know. I'm so bad, but you know how everyone tells you they aren't that big a deal, that they don't hurt? Well, that is the biggest line of BS I've every heard in my life. I would love to see a man get his you-know-what squished between two piece of glass like a waffle iron and then say, "Hey, that was no big deal." Oh, and I love how you get through it all, you're trying to think happy thoughts through the whole thing because soon it will be over, and then finally, you're done and the nurse says, "Don't get dressed yet in case we have to do it again." "Again!?!...F-----???!!" So, you sit there freaking out in your little paper shirt praying to every God known to mankind that the darn thing worked.

Ah, medical science! Gotta love how they think of ways to torture your who-haas, but can't come up with that magic pill to keep us all young and thin.

Been Traveling

Become an M&M

Back to Normal!

Finally, I think I'm over this stupid cold. Yesterday was the first day I really felt "normal." I did my Leslie Sansone Walk Away the Pounds - Walk and Kick DVD and felt really good.

This is actually kind of a weird DVD because the first 10 or so minutes seem way too easy and I start getting kind of cocky: "Hey, I could do this for at least an hour. I'm not even breaking a sweat!"

Then somewhere between 15 and 20 minutes into the thing, I'm feeling it big time. I still think I could handle more than the 30 minutes on this, but it's a good workout just the same.

Today, I also managed to get in 30 minutes of aerobics before heading off to the library, so now I need to concentrate on getting back to my 2xs a day routine. If it weren't for the fact that my DH had a beer ready and some burgers on the grill when I got home, I might have made it too. But, after having literally 70 patrons up stairs in the Reference Department five minutes after we opened today, well, let's just say I really needed the beer and burger!

I'd Rather Be the Pope

I'm back, and yes, as I suspected, I was getting sick, have been for a good week now. At this point, I'm at the cough here and there and constant throat clearing stage, but I'm feeling a lot better, almost normal again.

Needless to say, this put a huge dent in my exercise routine. However, tough as nails as I am, I'm proud to say that I still managed to get some exercise, even on days that I was feeling punky. I say "some" as in doing 20 minutes of cardio and 9 minutes of pilates abs, but more than that I just couldn't handle most days.

Today is my first day back to my multiple daily exercise routines. I did 30 minutes of cardio this a.m., and while I wasn't fabulous at it, I did manage the weights a little. I had to hold back a tad, but not that much. Tonight, I'm going for another 30 minutes of cardio and my pilates abs.

Now, for some really "this sucks" news, at least to me. Next week I have my yearly doctor's visit. Ugh! I really don't need to go in for a few more months, but getting into see her is like getting in to see the Pope ("Ya, Ya, You can be the President; I'd rather be the Pope"...Love me some Prince!), so I had to take what I could get because she's booked solid for the next three months. Yes, that means, ugh, I'm going next week! This also means I have to step on the dreaded s-c-a-l-e!

I knew I had to go see her in a few months, but my plan was that by then, even if I hadn't lost that much, I'd be solid as a rock from all my exercising. Now, I've got neither going on - bupkiss. (Is that how you spell bupkiss?) Normally, she's pretty low-key about my weight, but I would be really surprised if she doesn't say something since I'm sure I'm a good 10lbs heavier than I was last time she saw me, and back then I needed to lose 20lbs. I'm already envisioning her eyes bugging out when she sees that 3-digit number on my chart.

To top it off, this woman is a stick. She's a very nice stick, but just the same, he's about 6 feet tall and probably about 120lbs, maybe. So, it's hard for me to really talk with her about weight issues because, obviously, she doesn't have any. The few times I've attempted it, she's pretty much said to eat less and exercise more. Ah, yes, duh. I know she's right, but it's hard to hear that from someone who you could probably kill if not really injure by simpling sitting on her. I'm sure I could at least crack a rib or two.