Upon the advice of one of my readers, I took at look at Geneen Roths' book, When You Eat at the Refrigerator, Pull Up a Chair,and while I don't think I'm one of the people she is talking about, I did find a few tid bits of helpful information. Actually, it reinforced something I have been thinking about lately.
First, here's my take on Roth's take: She's really writing (it seems) for people who have some major control issues. I'm not talking about eating that piece of cake that shows up in the brake room or even that extra slice of pizza at lunch. Roth talks about people who stand in front of their frig and stuff whatever they see into their mouths or people who eat an entire bag of chocolate chip cooks while hiding in the closet. These people have major emotional "hunger" issues, not your basic, I'm full so stop eating issues or I just feel like snacking, which is where I feel fits me a little better.
That said, however, her main message is that people who have weight issues (no matter how big or small) often are just plain old not nice to themselves, and we need to be nice, to cut ourselves some slack now and then rather than consider ourselves bad people. That's a message I can totally relate to, and here's why....
As I mentioned in a previous post, my DH gingerly asked me if I was planning on returning to WW. As he said this, I was holding open the freezer door displaying my latest stash of WW frozen dinners. My assemble consisted of an old stained t-shirt with cat hair all over it; a ratty over sized sweater that didn't match anything else I was wearing; a pair of elasto-waist pants I'd gotten for $5 at the drug store; and my haute-couture kitty cat slippers. My hair on this special occasion was flipped up in an elastic band half up and half down, and need I mention that I had zero make up and had a zit on my right cheek?
To say I felt fat and old is sort of an understatement. And, of course, poor DH had no idea of the arrow he had zigged at my heart with his innocent question.
Standing there with the freezer door open, his comments in the air like we were in a cartoon, I felt the fog lift a little. We are getting ready to celebrate our 19th wedding anniversary, and since I work at home 4 days a week and I usually leave after him on the days I do work, this is how this man, my husband, normally sees me on a day-t0-day basis! I look like crap! I feel like crap!
After closing the door and calmly replying to him that I was seriously thinking about WW but hadn't made up my mind yet, I resolved that no matter how fat and how 40 I was, I was not going to look like this again in front of him. He deserved better...and even more...so do I. Just because I don't want to buy more "fat" clothes does not mean I have to look like a homeless person....in my home!
And, back to Geneen Roth, this is something she pretty much says (among many other things), that we need to feel good about ourselves no matter what our size. Now, I'm not saying that I plan to dress up in an evening gown to go grocery shopping, though I'm sure Mr. Sushi-Guy would give me a few extra pieces of my favorite crab roll if I did, but I can still look more "put together," and thus maybe feel more together in general.