Flush Update

Okay, no big surprise, I didn't sleep a much last night.

Ah, you laugh at me! Yes, I deserve it, and am I lighter?A little thinner? nah! But I learned a few things and remembered a few too.

Plus, I'm back on track with basically watching what I'm eating, counting calories, and such. My next goal is to get back to regular walking again.

Flushing So Far

Today went okay, and yes, lots of flushing. I didn't eat all the food on her list, so I was a little on the hungry side. Probably if I'd eaten it all I wouldn't be, but some of the foods I wasn't thrilled about (plain yogart...ick) and others, like the artichoke, were just too involved to deal with. Of course, now that it's late and my tummy is rumbling, maybe they weren't all that involved.

I'm struggling with whether or not to do it again tomorrow. I'm not sure if I have enough of the food left over from today to do it all, may need to pick up a few things, but I'll see how I feel in the morning. I know I have enough for breakfast and a late morning snack.

The jury is still out if this was a good thing or not. I will say that some of what I did today I could continue to do. I made a wonderful lunch with salmon (yes, I actually cooked something) and put it on a large salad with a little olive oil and lots of lemon juice. That's a meal I plan to add to my current low-cal list. Also the warm lemon water is a good thing. I don't know why warm works better than cold, but I could tell a difference. I don't see me drinking as much water as I did today, but it might be a good thing to do, maybe drink a few glasses a day.

Hopefully, I'll wake up tomorrow a little lighter.

The Big Flush

Obviously, since I haven't been blogging here in forever, I've not been good about the diet. Before Thanksgiving, I wasn't all that bad, just maintaining, but then, as expected, I took a down-hill dive for the holiday. To top it off, we had company stay with us, and so what else is there to do when you entertain but feed them? Between last Weds. and Saturday, it has been a chow fest around here.

Time for something radical. And that something is The Cleanse and Flush plan from Get a Real Food Life by Janine Whiteson.

Whiteson's whole approach to dieting is not this flush plan. In fact, this is just a side bar she has in the book. The rest of the book (from what I can tell...just on ch. 2 so far) is about eating sensibly for life, and of course, that is what I hope to get to eventually. But, after all the eating I've been doing, the flush appealed to me. I feel like a beached wale! According to her book, this quickie diet is supposed to help "reduce that bloated, lethargic feeling." And that pretty much describes me right now.

She recommends you don't do it for more than 3 days in a row, but honestly, if I can just make it through one day, I'll be impressed. The plan calls for eating a lot of fruit (which is why I think I can do it since I love fruit), lean proteins (like fish), and lots and lots and lots of warm lemon water. Needless to say, I'll be sticking around the house today!

Supposedly, I could drop a pound or two, though it's all water weight, so I know it could come back, but at this point, I'll take what I can get. For the most part, I found her list of foods on the diet to be pretty basic and easy to do, especially for a non-cook like myself. The only big issue I have is with the artichoke she's got listed. I love these, don't get me wrong, but I wouldn't know how to cook one to save my life.

I'll let you know how it goes. Like I said, I'm trying for one day right now. If I make it through today okay, then I may try for day two, but that's a big maybe at this point.

More on the Plate Issue

I just received the book Mindless Eating by Dr. Brian Wansink. One of the experiments he discussed on the TV show where I saw the book mentioned was the idea that if you have a smaller plate you tend to eat less.

Lately I've been stressing about my doing too much - again. The whole "I've got too much on my plate issue" applies to me in more ways than one. So at one point, what last week was it?, I resolved that enough was enough. As things come off my plate, like school, I'm not going to add any more. Heck, I may actually take items off my plate, even if that means giving up a little income (and as a writer, I can tell you, it is little!).

I wasn't 100% sure about my plan, of course. Even a little money adds up when you do it regularly or add it to other little money jobs, but I was convinced that I just couldn't do it all and do it all that well either.

Then, of course, out of nowhere I get an email about another small writing job, a column once on month, easy topic for me too boot. Sure, I can do that. It's just once a month.

Then another email comes. This time it's about teaching a few English classes at a university no less and locally. The classes are small. The students will need lots of help, but it's grammar and basic writing skills. Hey, that's my thing. I'm great at breaking down grammar goop and helping students organize their thoughts.

In the back of my mind as I'm loading up my plate yet again, my brain is going "Stop! What the *ell are you doing? You can't do this." But I ignore this voice, this voice that wants to bring me down, to make me pick waxing the kitchen floor (which really needs it by the way) to teaching a class. My floor will go unwaxed for a few more months, maybe longer, but I'm just a full plate kind of gal I guess.

Less Insanity Today

I had a light lunch with C. yesterday and she finally stopped the "I want to get into a size 2" talk. I think between me trying to convince her that even at a size 2 she'll feel fat and that you can't live hungry...as in that's no way to live life...and her husband who told her he doesn't like skinny girls, she's finally coming back to reality. In fact, we ordered the 1/2 sandwich and soup option, and I thought she'd get something like vegie soup but she actually ordered chicken and dumplings. I almost fell over.

The girl taking our order has no idea how lucky she was that day. Normally, C. takes a half hour to order her salad "I'll have the chef salad with no ham or carrots or tomatoes or....yada yada.."

I could have eaten a huge bowl of that dumpling soup (we went to Crispers) but I was saving myself for dinner at Ian's Tropical Grill. The name of this place sounds like it's some sort of sports bar, but actually, it's very gourmet, sort of Key West gone to California dining ala France.

We had a few appetizers, baked oysters (yes..tee hee), tuna rolls, and a fab white chili shrimp soup. I could have eaten a gallon of the soup alone.

For an entree I had the macadamia encrusted snapper with a fruit salsa, yummie vegies on the side, and some ultra cool mash potatoes with carmelized onions in them.

The DH had flounder encrusted with some kind of Japanese bread crumbs and topped with banana and mango salsa.

Needless to say, we skipped desert. Oh, and we had an excellent cabernet with the whole dinner.

I ended up taking 1/2 my food home, so it was a nice light meal for me today. DH is making scallops and asparagus for dinner, and as my birthday cake (did I mention it's my birthday today?) I have 2 pieces of chocolate cheese cake for us I picked up at Publix earlier this week.

Well, I'm off to enjoy the rest of my day. I think I'll read one of the books in my growing stack of "I'm going to read this some day" and then take a cat nap, with a cat of course.

Stop the Insanity

Yesterday at work, I saw a fellow co-worker, who like myself struggles with her weight, smoking on her break. Yes, damn it, smoking! I really wanted to go over, grab that thing out of her hand, slap her, and then hug her. In the five years I've worked there, I've never seen her smoke before.

Sure, maybe she's a smoker and I just never knew it. Maybe she is stressed out about something that I don't know anything about, but more so, I think it comes down to her weight issues. It's her quick fix. It will keep her from eating during her break. It will make food taste like crap. It will speed up her metabolism. I know what's she's thinking because I've had those same thoughts myself.

Also on my mind around then was the last few conversations I'd had with C. She's still hungry and still frustrated, though she has lost a few more pounds. But, at what cost I tried to reason with her. You can't live like that. And, who would want to any way?

For my own part, life is still good. True, I'm not a size 8 but I'm down to a solid 12 now. I actually wore a pair of pants the other day that I hadn't worn in months, and they are very comfortable, not falling off my boney butt, but not so tight I can't sit comfortably either. And, I'm turning 43 tomorrow, so while I'm not eating like a crazy person (I actually went out yesterday for lunch and ordered a sandwich minus the bread), I'm not driving myself nuts by stepping on the scale or starving myself either. In fact, we're going out to eat for my birthday slash graduation celebration and I'm going to eat whatever I want. So there.

Fat and 40 Lady Still Hasn't Sung Yet

Oy! So here I finally graduate, and as I start to think I may actually have more free time, I gradually realized that's not the case. Or, at least, if I want to beef up my academic writing stuff it shouldn't be.

I'm already working on an abstract to submit to a journal for an article on women's weblogging, and it ocurred to me that...hmm...I'm writing another paper. On the one hand, this is cool. It's like I'm back in school again. On the other, I realize, crap! I usually spend all semester on my papers for school...that's...16 weeks...min.

I went to an academic publishing workshop yesterday (long drive but I was good and brought sandwhiches, not exactly diet food but not Burger King either), and they pretty much confirmed what I had been starting to realize. It ain't over yet.

For the past year, I've dedicated at least one day a week - Tuesdays - to writing my dissertation. Obviously, I worked on it other days here and there, but Tuesdays were my do or die write it days. Before that, Tuesdays were my homework days; again, yes, I worked other days, but Tuesdays, no matter what, I made myself work on school work.

I thought I'd get my Tuesdays back, silly me. But noooo...if I really want to take a stab at this academia thing, then that means no free Tuesdays. It also means my plate is way too full again. So, what to do?

I have to make some hard decisions. Right now, here's what's on the plate starting in 2007:

• Teaching two English classes on the web
• My jewelry blog at Creative Weblogging (10 posts a week)
• My wine blog at Creative Weblogging (10 posts a week)
• My jewelry and beading blog at b5media (6 posts a week)
• My About.com site (2 newsletters and lots and lots of other stuff)

All of these are paying gigs, and fat and greedy me really doesn't want to lose any of them. BUT, I think it comes down to realizing that while something may not pay me via paypal today, it could pay me in different ways in the future, and I don't necessarily mean with money.

Clearing the Clutter

Now that I reached a major milestone in my life and school will soon be a memory for me, I'm concentrating on clearing the clutter. That includes my house, which is a total wreck, and my life in general. You'll notice I changed the tag line for this blog. Heck, I may change it again as I change my life around, rearranging furniture, tossing out stacks of magazines, dusting away the cobb webs of my life in general.

I feel like this is a time for me to rethink many things in my life, that includes my career, or any possibility of future careers, my writing direction, and my designing. I guess because I'm a crafty sort of person that I think better when I'm doing something. I'm "hands-on" as they say. So the literal moving away of clutter from my home helps me think.

One issue I'm already starting to deal with is the idea of putting more on my plate. Here I finally have school off the plate, and I've caught myself thinking of more things to do - silly things, really:

• "Interesting, they have a Women's Studies certification at UCF, only 12 hours, that's just 4 classes!
• I know of a blog network that needs someone to write about literure...
• Oh, and I could write a weight loss blog for $$"

These thoughts run through my head, and I have to catch myself. Wait! Stop! Are you insane?

Even now, with school ending, I still feel like I'm doing too many things, and not necessarily doing them well or even enjoying some of them any more. So, just as I have to literally push away my plate on the table, I need to remember to push away the thoughts of doing, doing, doing more.

Cheese Strategy

I'm thinking of coming up with a new tag line for this blog. How about - a journal about cheese, losing weight, and getting fit after 40?

I knew I was going to face more cheese when I got home last night, so I came up with a strategy to help curb the affects of cheese on my ass. Basically, I didn't eat too much during the day, keeping it to a protein bar, low-cal English muffin, and salad with some tuna tossed in it. By the time I made it home, then, I probably hadn't had more than about 500 calories.

Of course, I know I shouldn't eat any cheese if I really want to lose weight, but I just don't see that happening. at least not right now. I guess I'm just not yet settled back into my diet mode.

Cheese Issues Again

Well, I confess - the cheese got me again. My DH, who does low carb so cheese is his friend, bought some fabulous soft havarti (is that how you spell it?) and dill cheese, and I couldn't resist.

Luckily, by the time the cheese incident happened, I had only racked up about 1300 calroies, including wine that I hadn't had yet, so hopefully, it won't literally come to bite me in the butt.

Today, I'm doing the salad and tuna thing. I've discovered that buy tossing in a small can of tuna into my salad it helps fill me up a little more. I'm also being good and staying away from Mr. Bread Man today. Instead, I opted for a low-cal wheat English muffin as my late morning I'm-hungry-for-no-real-reason snack.

Tedium

Today I'm home working because I work at the library all weekend (ugh). But here it is, almost noonish, and I haven't found myself hungry at all. In fact, I'm making myself eat a pear right now because it is on its last leg (if pears had legs) and I need to get back into my fruit habit.

So why is today diffrent than yesterday? Why was I so hungry yesterday morning about this time? Heck, I was hungry five minutes after I arrived at work.

Tedium - I think that's the answer. My job there is boring. I'm really just killing time until I figure out what else I'm going to do. That makes for a very (very) long day.

With boredom comes hunger. It's all up here (touching head).

The reason I wasn't hungry today was because I've been busy working since the moment I woke up. And I'm invested in my work. What I'm doing (blogging, emailing people, finished up my school red tape) matters to me.

Okay, enough philosophizing - here's a progress report:

Yesterday's calories came in at about 1500. Bascially, I ended up not eating late in the day too much and just had some soup (which is probably high in sodium..ya ya, I know). That helped with the calorie count being a little on the low side though.

Today, I'm hoping to keep it around 1500 again. This weekend is going to be tough due to the farmer's market and the bread man (who I have a secret crush on).

I need to focus, focus, focus. Ignore his fabulous rolls and buns. Focus, focus, focus!

More on Drawing the Line

I spoke with C. again the other day. She is still losing the weight but is still hungry - all the time. I tried to talk some sense into her. She's a 6, looks great, how can she live like this? But, she is still babbling about becoming a size 4.

She's not on line so I plan to print up this article from Style Bites about this very issue - it's worth a read for anyone thinking about where and when to draw the line.

Day 1 Under My Belt

I did okay yesterday. Kept it under 1700 calories - 1690 to be exact. Not thrilled. I know I could have eaten less, but it's so hard not to be in a celebritory mood right now.

Today I'm working away from home. As soon as I got to work I was hungry! Dang it.

I'm back to recording my food at fitday.com, so hopefully, that will keep me on track today. At least there isn't too much Halloween candy around here to tempt me.

Stick a Fork in Me!

That's right! I'm actually going to graduate. The stress is subsiding. I still have some forms to fill out and fees to pay before I'm officially out the door, but I passed my dissertation defense.

This means I get my life back!

November starts me back on track.

Of course, I'm already thinking of a few obstacles. First, there's my birthday in a few weeks, and we haven't actually gone out and celebrated my graduation yet either. So we plan to maket his a dual celebration in a week or so. (I'm working all weekend at my crap job, so can't do it this weekend, but hey, I'll just start making patrons call me Dr. Powley, ha!)

Next on the horizon is....da.da...da.da...Thanksgiving! [shriek!]

But, at least, in between these gorg feasts, I can be good and literally, hopefully, tighten the belt. I don't think I've gained too much back if any, but then again, I haven't even though of trying on the dreaded green pants either.

Babby steps.

The Halloween candy left with my husband for his office this morning, and today, I'm going to count my calories and try to keep it between 1500 and 1700. Over the last week or so, I've slacked on my exercise routine because I felt like I was getting sick, but I'm sure it was just the stress. Before I jump back into that, though, I'm going to save my energy for house cleaning. This place looks like the testing ground for N. Korea! Over the past month, I've just let everything go - my house, my body, my life in general.

But now, I'm going to take a deep breath, think about things, reflect, chill, clean, eat healthy, and enjoy my freedom, try to grasp what I've accomplished, and just feel good about me.